


Forgive Me

by FollowYourDreams



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Amazingphil - Freeform, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Dan Howell - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Light Smut, M/M, Minor Character Death, Phil Lester - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Servant!Phil, Sexual Abuse, War, danisnotonfire - Freeform, prince!Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:23:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 73,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowYourDreams/pseuds/FollowYourDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2224. Dan Howell is the prince of Pacis, living in the lavish Community, dreading his 21st birthday. Phil Lester is a servant at the Community, and has been for 6 years ever since he was taken from his home. On a fateful day, Dan and Phil lock eyes for the first time, and everything changes, but neither of them know if it’s for better or worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here is guys! The novel-length fanfiction I told you guys would be here. It's for the Phandom Big Bang on Tumblr and I am so excited for you guys to read it! Enjoy! 
> 
> P.S. This is not me claiming phan is real, this is me being shipper trash.

Forgive Me

 

  
Prologue:

The year was 2218. There had been horrible war. All that was left was a portion of what used to be the United Kingdom. The remaining area stretched from what was once called Edinburgh, to the city previously called London. With a population of approximately 30 million people, the country of Pacis was the only functioning society.

In the center of the country was the kingdom that housed the wealthiest citizens, and the royal family. The Community was luxurious. Mansions were scattered amongst the area and were accompanied by the royal estate that was in the center. Walls surrounded the Community, keeping it separate from the poverty filled streets that contained citizens whom struggled to eat once a day. Inside the walls, there was nothing but lavish events and entertainment. It was a high tech paradise that consisted of self-driving cars, holographic gaming technology, virtual realities, and more. If something was needed, such as food or slaves, there was always someone getting paid (very little) to go collect those things. No one that was “important” left their sanctuary.

On the outside lived the poor. Their lifestyle was harsh and frightening. Every citizen was branded at age 16, which was the legal age to start working to earn points (Points functioned as Pacis’s currency.) They received a barcode on their wrist, which was scanned every time the person made any kind of transaction. The code also functioned as their identification.

Even with the point system, debt still existed. Some people would create an account that tracked the points they owed. However, this was dangerous. If you did not pay back the points within the allotted timeframe, there were severe consequences. One of two punishments would be distributed. 1. Your child would be taken away and forced to serve the wealthy. 2. If you did not have children, you would be forced to serve the wealthy.

It was very difficult to earn points, unless you worked for the rich, which everyone did as a last resort. The wealthy citizens treated the poor like vermin and often didn’t pay them fairly for the work they did. So in response, most people stuck to working in the poor community. However, once debt built up, sometimes they had no choice but to work in the high class community for a while.

Sometimes, if the wealthy liked the servers that had come to seek out work, they would pay them so little that the citizen wouldn’t be able to pay their debt in time. Then, the richer man would request that very person once the poor soul was forced into permanent service.

Pacis had a system, and everyone knew how it worked. The rich loved it, and the poor feared it. Everyone knew their place. Despite this, one day the sun rose, and two boys were both thrown into fates that changed their place in the world.

***

A young man named Philip Lester was walking alongside his mother. They were both headed to the shop in hopes they had the required points to buy enough food for their family. Though they were a small family of two, they still needed to eat. Phil stayed close to his mother, worried about separation in a world where nothing was fair. His mother clung to him as well, fearing the debt that was slowly building up without Phil’s knowledge.

The summer sun beat down on the world, causing Phil and his mum to quicken their pace, hoping to get inside. The streets were busy with people going about their daily activities. Phil couldn’t help but to note that everyone looked sullen. Why did they have to live in a society filled with anxiety and dread? It just didn’t seem right.

Phil and his mother arrived at the store. Stepping inside, they were both relieved to be greeted with slight air conditioning. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make a difference. Phil picked up a hand basket, and followed his mother around. He held the basket whilst she filled it to the brim with essentials. As the minutes passed, Phil was making small mental notes about what needed to be done in the store. He worked in the store since his family needed the points, and his shift started in a few hours.

Phil’s mother finished her shopping, so she and Phil walked up to the register. His mother turned to him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. “Sweetheart, could you please run and go get me one more loaf of bread?”

“Yes, ma’am,” responded Phil. He swiftly unloaded all of the basket’s contents onto the conveyer belt, and then took off to get what his mother requested.

Quickly, his mother scanned her wrist. Her information appeared on the screen. The total came to 17 points, and she only had 7 points in her account. Unconsciously, she bit her lip and contemplated her options. Her biggest fear was losing Phil. He was only 20, therefore not a legal adult in their society. You had to be 21 to be a legal adult, and that meant that Phil was in danger as long as she was in debt. Phil was doing his best to earn points, but he was only earning about 2-3 points a week.

She took a deep breath, trying to keep her tears of fear at bay. “Put the remainder in my account please…” she whispered, wishing the words she had uttered weren’t needed. The cashier put 10 points towards her already increasing debt. She looked up at her remaining time to pay back the points. Next to the account number, the screen displayed “16 days.” There was no way that she could earn enough points. Even with herself and Phil working. She had already lost Martyn, Phil’s older brother, a few years ago. She couldn’t lose Phil too.

Phil came back with the bread just as his mother’s information vanished from the screen. His mum smiled, “Thank you, honey.” She gestured to the bags, “Go ahead and take these, and start towards home. I’ll catch up after I pay for the bread.”

“Alright,” agreed Phil. He picked up the bags and walked out of the store. His mother felt equally lucky as she did guilty. Phil was so loyal, and he never questioned her. She felt her heart sink when she added another point to her account. She couldn’t bear for Phil to see the increasing debt. When they lost Martyn, Phil was so broken. As she wiped away a tear, she quietly thanked the cashier, grabbed the bread, and caught up to Phil outside.

Phil and his mother made it home safely. Their house was a small, two bed, one bath home. Phil set the groceries on the counter, started taking them out of the bags, and began to put them away. His mother went to her room to get changed. She had work in about an hour at a flower shop not too far from their home.

After the groceries were put away, Phil went to his room to get ready for work as well. He sat on the bed and looked around. The room felt so empty. For years, he and Martyn had shared the room. They never fought; they never had issues with whose side of the room something went. They were perfect siblings. Then one day the authorities came. Martyn was only 17 when he was taken away. Phil was never quite the same after his brother was ripped out of his life.

Phil dressed for work, despite not needing to be there for at least another hour and a half. He sometimes went over early in hopes of earning at least one extra point. He seldom ever did, but since there was a chance, he took it.

After arriving to work, Phil scanned his wrist to check in. His information appeared on the screen, showing his face, and his earned points. He had earned 1 point so far in the week, and he was seven hours of work away from earning another. Glancing at the time, he saw it was 4:00 p.m. If he worked until around 11:00 p.m. he could earn another point for his family, so that’s what he did.

Phil returned home a little after midnight. He was exhausted. With a yawn he opened the front door. His eyes widened when he saw his mother sat on the couch crying. He rushed to her side, taking both her shoulders into his hands. “Mum! What’s wro—!” Just then, he felt a hand touch his own shoulder. He turned around slowly to see a man behind him. The man was in a tuxedo, and had an ear piece attached to a wire around his left ear. “Mum, what’s going on?”

“I’m so sorry, honey!” cried out his mother as more tears fell down her face. She looked up at the man with pure desperation in her eyes. “Please! I have 16 days!”

“At the rate you’re going, you won’t pay your debt in time,” said the man in a low, emotionless voice. “Phillip, you need to come with me.”

Phil felt his heart racing. He began having flashbacks of when his brother was taken away. He remembered hiding behind his mother as he watched his brother being shoved into a car. Martyn had struggled against the men that had come, but he was overpowered. The car sped off, and Phil never saw his brother again. Now, the same thing was about to happen to him. Phil quickly turned and embraced his mother, “I love you!”

“I love you too!” she said through bursts of tears. The man started to pull Phil away from his mother.

“Let’s go,” he said sternly. Phil wouldn’t let go of his mother. Tears pricked at his eyes and started to spill. “Move it!” The man grabbed Phil’s arm and yanked him back.

“No! Please, no!” shouted Phil trying to break away from the man’s grasp. He saw his mother breaking, and he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her alone. “No! Mum!” The man grabbed Phil’s other arm and began to drag him out of the house. “Mum! MUM!” Phil was screaming. More tears rolled down his cheeks as he was pulled out of his own home. He saw the car, and his breathing started becoming rapid. “MUM!” he wailed. The man shoved him in a car and locked the doors. Phil tried getting out of the car, but it was no use. He stared out the window. He could barely see his mother’s face which was just slightly illuminated from a street light.

The car started up and drove away. Phil watched his mother’s silhouette fade, knowing it would be the last time he ever saw her. He hugged his knees and cried. Memories of his family flashed through his mind. He tried to imprint all the images in his mind. His home. His mum. His dad. His brother. Every memory made his heart break a little more. Due to his exhausted state, he eventually drifted to sleep with tear stained cheeks and a broken soul.


	2. Chapter 1

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 1:

It was May 11th, 2224. Not much had changed in Pacis, except that a new king was about to be crowned. When the prince of Pacis turned 21, he would be wedded to his fiancée, and they would become the new king and queen. However, this year’s prince wanted nothing less than to be married. That prince’s name was Daniel Howell.

Dan had a perfect life. The world revolved around him. His parents made sure he had everything he could ever want. To him, today was just another day with perfect weather, spent lying in the sun. He sat up and decided to dip his feet in the pool to cool off. With heavy eyelids, he stared at his rippled reflection. The previous night he had attended a party, which wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. Now he was tired and done with socializing for the week.

“Daniel,” a voice interrupted his peace. He glanced up to see his mother. She sighed as she looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. “Darling, why don’t you just go outside?” she asked. She clicked a switch, turning off the artificial sunlight. The room returned to normal, leaving Dan with only the lights on the ceiling. Dan huffed while looking at his mother. She was wearing a long, black and white dress, and her brown hair was up in a bun, styled with pieces of hair hanging down, and gems in her hair. Clearly, she had been out with friends for the day and felt Dan should do the same.

Dan looked out of the window to his right. Outside stood a group of people who were next to a pool. A teenage boy picked up a girl around his age, tossed her into the pool, and then jumped in after her. The other people laughed, and some even joined the two teens in the water. Dan turned his attention back to his mother. “Because I’m done socializing for a while. The party last night was tiring.”

“You didn’t get up off the couch.”

“I got up twice.”

“Yes, and one of those times was to leave.”

Dan huffed. He stood up and started to dry his hair with a towel. “Mum, just leave it alone. I’m fine on my own.”

“Sweetheart…” his mother began. Dan looked at her with a mixture of expectance and annoyance. “Is this about Rebecca?”

Dan didn’t answer his mother. He simply strode past her and left the room. With a sigh, he walked down the hall, searching for the corridor that would lead him to his room. The soft carpet wove its way in between his toes as he walked. He passed a few servants, who all bowed to him as he sauntered by. Without warning, his eyes caught sight of a server he didn’t recognize. He turned his head, but the servant had already turned the corner and was out of sight. Dan couldn’t be bothered to seek out the person, so he shook it off and went to his room.

Once Dan was in his room, he closed the door, locked it, and sat on the floor, taking in the sights around him. His room was extremely elaborate. He had a king sized bed that was caressed with silver silk sheets, dressers that were hand carved using ebony wood, and a balcony that gave him a beautiful view over his family’s backyard garden. He had everything, but it all came at a price.

Rebecca was Dan’s fiancée. Their families had been friends for years. Dan grew up with Rebecca, so the idea of marrying her was awful. She was like a sister to him, but that didn’t matter to his parents. They thought that was she was a lovely young lady who would make a fine wife. Dan and Rebecca could rule the kingdom, and have lots of children. His father seemed to mention that at every opportunity. The wedding was rapidly approaching, and Dan was getting angrier about the situation every day. His 21st birthday was the date of the ceremony, and he couldn’t think of a worse way to commemorate becoming an adult.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Dan remembered that later in the afternoon he had a wedding rehearsal to attend. Though the wedding was a little over a month away, his parents insisted that they practice often. Everything had to be perfect.

Within the hour, servants were already appearing in Dan’s room to help him get ready. He was used to being dressed up like a doll, so oftentimes his mind wandered as his attendants stripped him down and started to dress him in his tuxedo.

Dan wondered if there was any way he could get out of marrying Rebecca. Honestly, almost any other girl in his community would do. Anyone but Rebecca, or as he had called her since they were children, Becky. How was he supposed to marry someone he had been addressing so informally for years?

After a while, Dan was dressed and ready to head to his rehearsal. He shooed everyone out of the room and took a moment to just look in the mirror. He pressed his hand to his reflection. His eyes were a soft brown, which matched his chestnut hair. His stylists often straightened it, since he naturally had unruly, curly locks. For now, it was simply swept to the left.

Dan stared at his reflection, wondering what it would be like to know more about yourself than just your status and appearance. He wondered what it would be like to know who you are.

“Daniel!” his mother’s voice rang, interrupting his thoughts. She slowly opened the bathroom door, careful not to walk in on anything private. “Are you ready?”

Dan smiled. “Yes,” he lied.

***

Dan stood next to the priest and his father and mother. Their hired musicians began to play _Here Comes the Bride_. The doors to the ballroom opened up, and Rebecca stepped into the room. Her dress was a beautiful shade of porcelain white. Of course, it wasn’t the dress that she would be wearing when they really got married. Dan felt he had seen this dress about one-hundred times.

Rebecca held her father’s arm and took little steps towards Dan. Dan felt like everything was wrong. Rebecca was a beautiful girl. She had long, flowing, light brown hair, forest-green eyes, and a stunning smile; her body was slim, but filled out. Everything about her was perfect, but she was just a friend.

Eventually, Rebecca made it to Dan, and her father gave her away. The priest then proceeded to talk, or as Dan would put it, blab about the values of marriage. Dan tuned back in once it was his turn to speak. The priest asked, “Do you, Daniel Howell, take this woman, Rebecca Williams, to be your lawfully wedded wife.”

“I do,” said Dan looking at Rebecca and smiling. Everything about the situation made him uncomfortable, but he had no choice. The worst part was that Rebecca looked _so happy._

“And do you, Rebecca Williams, take this man, Daniel Howell, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Rebecca bounced on her toes, and looked up at Dan. “I do!” she cheered with glee in her voice.

“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,” announced the priest as he took a step back. Dan leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Rebecca’s. Rebecca tore her hands away from Dan’s and wrapped her hands around his neck. Dan felt as if he could scream. He _hated_ having his neck touched. He just wanted everything to stop.

Finally, Rebecca pulled away and smiled at Dan. He smiled back and laughed awkwardly, hoping it would be passed off as pre-wedding jitters, as it usually was. Rebecca hugged him. “Oh! I’m so glad we’re getting married!” she chirped.

“Y-yeah, me too,” stuttered Dan, trying to will the words to be true.

Rebecca leaned back, using her grip on Dan to balance. “Don’t be so nervous. It’s just me. It’s just… Becky.”

“Right, it’s just you. Just Becky,” he repeated.

“You know,” Rebecca whispered in Dan’s ear as she wrapped her arms around him, interlocking her fingers at the base of his neck. “The wedding isn’t the only thing we should practice.” Dan was trying to stay calm and collected, but everything was just making him feel more distressed.

Dan’s eyes widened when he realized what Rebecca meant. His heart was racing, but not in a good way. He gingerly pushed Rebecca away and pretended to laugh and blush. “Heh, Becky, you’re too much,” he said, trying to remain neutral and act flirty. Rebecca winked before quickly trying to seem innocent, since her father was walking over.

“Daniel,” greeted Mr. Williams. He offered to shake Dan’s hand, which Dan gratefully accepted; it meant he could let go of Rebecca.

“Mr. Williams,” he greeted back.

“The big day is coming up.”

“Yes, sir, it is.”

Mr. Williams offered Dan a genuine smile. “If I have to give my precious girl away, I’m glad I’m giving her to you. I know you’ll cherish her, and take good care of her.” The last part of his sentence came across as more of a threat than a statement. Dan felt dizzy. Rebecca bounced on her toes again, causing her father to smile at her. “You two are going to have the most energetic children; I can already see it.”

“So can I!” added Rebecca. “Oh, they’re going to be so fun! We can take them for walks around the Community. We can show them the gardens! Oh! There’s just so much!”

“Y-yeah, everything is going to be great,” said Dan trying to sound enthusiastic.

“Well we better be going,” informed Mr. Williams. “It was good to see you Daniel.”

Dan shook his soon-to-be father-in-law’s hand once again. “Good to see you too, sir.”

Dan was relieved when the rehearsal came to a close. He quickly fled to his room. Closing the door, he locked it and pressed his back to it, as if trying to keep it shut. He looked up to see that someone was fixing his bed. He didn’t recognize them, but he couldn’t get a good look either. Whoever it was, they were bent over, causing their black hair to fall in their face, shielding their eyes.

Dan usually tried to be kind to servants. He grew up watching his parents treat them horribly, and he didn’t think that was right. They were people too. “Hello,” he said in a small, but audible, voice. The server barely looked up at Dan. Dan caught a glimpse of soft blue eyes, before the person put their head back down and continued fixing his sheets. “I said hello,” he said a bit louder, thinking that maybe the man didn’t hear him fully. The man looked up at him, still not saying a word. “Oh. Right, I forget that stupid rule exists. You can speak.”

“Hello,” replied the server. He quickly turned away and went back to his task. Dan felt slightly awkward.

Dan stood for a moment, trying to think of something to say. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“Phillip,” replied Phil not making eye contact. His heart was racing. Why was the prince talking to him? Had he done something wrong? His hands were shaking as he fluffed the pillows and placed them back down in place. He tugged at the collar of his uniform, which was a white button-up shirt and black slacks.

Dan realized that Phil was probably scared that he was going to get yelled at. Often, when a server was asked for their name, it was because they were in a lot of trouble. “I’m not angry. I just wanted to know your name.” Relief washed over Phil. His worry was replaced with calm-minded curiosity. He looked up and smiled at Dan. Then, he started to dust off Dan’s furniture. Dan always felt guilty watching servers do work. He never understood how they had gotten roped into working for his family in the first place.

Dan was about to speak, but he was interrupted by a knock at his door. He opened it to see his mother. She walked inside. “Hi sweetie! I just wanted to thank you for cooperating at rehearsal today.”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice,” responded Dan flatly.

“Oh!” his mother lightly smacked his shoulder. “Don’t you start with me.” Her gaze shifted, and she noticed Phil dusting the furniture. “I see you’ve met our newest employee.”

Dan scoffed. “How can you call them employees? They don’t even get paid.”

“It sounds better than slave, doesn’t it?” Mrs. Howell huffed. “Besides, they got themselves roped into it. They’re only sent here if they go too long without paying back debt.”

“Mum,” interrupted Dan, trying to get his mother to stop. He imagined that hearing it said so harshly probably upset Phil.

Mrs. Howell waved it off. “Either way, he’s new, so if he doesn’t do something right just be sure to correct it.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good!” Mrs. Howell left the room with a slight spring in her step.

Dan turned to Phil as he closed the door and locked it again. “I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. She’s not incorrect,” said Phil trying not to let his emotions affect his words or work. “It’s how the world works…”

“Yeah...” Dan walked over to Phil and stood by him. He reached up and ran his fingers along where Phil had just dusted. “I don’t feel anything. I’ll be sure to tell my parents you’re doing very well.” Dan smiled at Phil, trying to get one in return.

The corners of Phil’s mouth just barely rose. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I have other work to do, so I’ll be on my way.”

“Alright.” Dan felt his heart sink. He felt so terrible, and wished there was something more he could do. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about Phil that made him feel guiltier than any other server ever had before.

Dan always knew that there was something wrong with the system. What gave his family and community the right to own these people? How did these people get so deep into debt that they were forced into being servers for the rest of their lives? If it was such a common thing, wouldn’t more people be careful? Dan knew something wasn’t right, but what could he do?

Phil was different. There was something about that man that struck Dan. Dan was usually just nice to his servants; he never treated them poorly like his family did, but for some reason he felt obligated to do more for Phil… and that scared him.

Dan decided to shake it off. It was probably a result of all the pent up emotion that he wasn’t expressing. He was going through a lot being forced to marry Rebecca, and that was probably affecting how he viewed people around him. It was clearly making him soft. Why should he care? It wasn’t his problem. The fact that he was kind to the people who waited on him was good enough. It was more than anyone else he knew did. He was already being the bigger person, so why should he care to do more?

“Are you alright, Daniel?” asked a voice. Dan turned to see his father, who was looking extremely concerned. “You’ve been staring off into space for a while now. I was trying to get your attention.”

Dan looked around, and realized he hadn’t moved from his position by his dresser. Even his hand was still on the same spot; his fingertips were still just ever so slightly brushing against the wood that was now clear of dust. Thanks to Phil… Dan shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. “Right, um, just thinking. I didn’t mean to space out. What do you require, father?” he asked trying to sound calm and collected.

Mr. Howell approached his son, giving him a worrying look. “Daniel, I know you’re stressed, but you should be happy. You’ve grown up with Rebecca. Isn’t this what you want?”

Dan knew his father wasn’t really asking him if it’s what he wanted. His father was asking Dan, expecting to hear his own desired answer. Dan sighed, “Yes, of course it is. I’ve grown with her, I know her.” Mr. Howell seemed to be waiting for something else, and Dan knew what it was. He almost choked as he said, “I love her.”

“I’m so glad, son,” beamed Mr. Howell with a sigh.

Mr. Howell started to walk away, but Dan spoke up, “Father.” His father turned around, watching him curiously. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Daniel. Anything.”

Dan chewed his lower lip, and he slowly brought his hand down from the dresser. “I was curious about the servants.”

Mr. Howell now had a very distressed expression, “Did one of them do something wrong?”

“No! No, they’re fine. It’s just…how did they end up like this? They serve us and people in the Community because they couldn’t pay back their debt. Why don’t we let them go after they’ve earned their points? Don’t they have families?”

“Daniel, son, you don’t need to worry about them. Besides, why would you care? You’re a prince.”

“But—.”

“Listen to me,” Mr. Howell harshly grabbed at Dan’s shoulders. Dan tensed up and practically shrank into his skin. “Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. You’ll only get yourself into trouble. Just,” Mr. Howell thought for a moment, “just enjoy not having to cook your own meals. You live a life of luxury. You’re lucky. I want you to appreciate it, and do not question it. Have I made myself clear?”

“Y-yes, sir,” stuttered Dan fearfully. His father had never been so intense before. Mr. Howell took his hands away from Dan, and gave him what they both knew was a very fake smile.

“I’ll leave you to whatever you wish to do with your day.” He walked away and started to close the door behind him. “Don’t get involved.” He closed the door, leaving Dan, who was lightly shaking with terror.

***

Dan spent the rest of his day trying to force himself to heed his father’s warning. He couldn’t remember the last time his father had actually added a physical touch to a threat. It had been so many years; Dan had long forgotten what it was like to be _afraid_ of his father.

Mr. Howell used words, end of story. However, sometimes he would go further than just verbal communication if the situation were serious enough. Dan remembered being younger and asking why there were walls around the community. They weren’t particularly tall, but they were there for a reason. Twelve-year-old Dan just wanted to know why. His father avoided any real explanation, and when Dan had pressed to find the actual reason, his father pushed him against his bedroom wall and yelled at him. Mr. Howell instructed Dan to never ask questions like that again, so Dan never did.

Dan tried his best to push the memories out of his mind, as they were far from pleasant. He decided to take a walk in the garden. He changed out of his tuxedo, putting on a black t-shirt and black jeans instead. After leaving his room, he walked down the hall, and took the elevator down to the first floor. From there, he made his way through the maze that was his home and walked outside. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, which allowed the sun to beat down on him. He cursed himself for only wishing to wear black, because it attracted sunlight and heat like a magnet.

As Dan walked through the gardens, he spotted a few people tending to the flowers. They all looked miserable. His eyes landed on one poor girl that couldn’t be over the age of 14. Sweat was rolling down the sides of her face, but she kept working; she had no choice. Dan quickly ran back inside and filled a glass with some water. His eyes shifted directions rapidly, checking for his parents. When he didn’t spot them, he went back outside and approached the girl. “Excuse me?”

The girl sprang to her feet and bowed, “I-I’m sorry! I’ll work faster! I’ll—!”

“No, no, you’re fine, love,” assured Dan. The girl looked up at him with a mixture of surprise and worry. He handed her the glass of water. “Here, you look like you could faint. I think my parents have left for the afternoon. Take a moment to rest.”

“T-thank you…”

Dan gave her a smile, earning a small one back. He walked away, hoping that no one had seen him. He wasn’t ashamed of being kind, but he knew he could be punished for being nice to the wrong people.

In order to cool off, Dan ridded himself of shoes and socks and dipped his feet in the icy pond water. Tadpoles nibbled at his toes, making him softly smile. He placed his hand in the water, letting the tadpoles nip at his fingers too. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, and let his body calm down. In that moment, he felt peaceful.

“Daaaaan!” he heard Rebecca shout from a distance. For a second, he contemplated drowning himself in the pond. Rebecca came up behind him and threw her arms around him from behind. “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Hey, Becky,” greeted Dan flatly. He wanted to be alone more than ever, and now he had an unwanted fiancée breathing down his neck. “Look, I really need some alone time.”

Rebecca plopped down next to Dan as if she hadn’t heard a word he’d said. “Oh, darling, I just can’t wait any longer.” Dan’s eyes widened at that statement. Shit. What did she mean by that? “I need to be with you, my love. We’re going to be wedded anyway.”

Dan felt his heart racing. He had suspected correctly. How exactly was he supposed tell his fiancée that he didn’t want to have sex? “Um, well, don’t you think it would be more special if we waited until it was our wedding night?” asked Dan, hoping to any higher power that she would agree.

Rebecca huffed. “Fine… since it’s what you want, dear.” She leaned in and kissed Dan. He kissed her back, knowing he had to. He wished that he could be anywhere else. Dan didn’t know why this made him so uncomfortable. Even though she was a close friend, surely there should be some attraction. However, when she slipped her tongue into his mouth, it took every ounce of willpower for him not to squirm away in disgust. Eventually, Rebecca settled on biting his bottom lip before pulling away. Dan did his best to smile and look infatuated, but he had no idea whether he was doing a good job.

Rebecca stayed by Dan’s side and started chatting away, but Dan tuned out. Dan had become very good at pretending to listen to her whilst he was swept away by his own thoughts. He found himself wondering if that poor girl was okay. Had she gotten sunstroke or anything like that? Was she able to finally go inside? Dan pondered about all of the servants that he had helped out over the years. So many times he had done small things like bring them water or carried his own things. He knew he was the only one who bothered to think of them. It made his world gloomy to think about it, but he couldn’t help it.

“Don’t you think?” asked Rebecca. The fact that she had asked a question snapped Dan out of his trance.

“Hm?” he hoped he could away with missing whatever she said.

“Twins, don’t you think twins would be fun?” she questioned with awe in her voice.

 _Please, no. I’d rather die._ “Y-yeah twins would be great,” replied Dan trying to keep up his faux enthusiasm.

“I hope we get them! It runs on my side of the family,” Rebecca chirped. Then she sighed. “Well, I should head home. I’ll see you soon, Dan. I love you.” She placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too.” Dan did his best to will those words to become true, but it never seemed to work. Rebecca stood up and skipped her way out of the garden. Dan reached into the pond and splashed some water on his face, wishing it could wake him from his never-ending nightmare.

Dan spent a little more time outside, and then he decided to retire to his bedroom. He did his best not to make eye contact with anyone as he made his way there. Eventually, he managed to escape unscathed by any unnecessary emotions, and slipped into his room unnoticed. However, once he was inside, he saw a few of his stylists were waiting for him.

“Oh, bloody hell, what is it?” he asked trying not to sound as angry as he was. Everyone was silent. Dan rolled his eyes. “You may speak.”

“We have orders to prepare you for a dinner tonight,” said one stylist. She was a young girl with curly red hair, probably around 19. She stepped aside, allowing Dan to walk into his closet, which was more of a dressing room if he was honest. Dan reluctantly sat down in front of a mirror. His chair conveniently spun, which allowed his stylists to turn him with ease.

A girl across the room opened the door to Dan’s closet, “Come on in, Phil.”

Dan’s heart raced for a moment. Phil? Why was he here? Dan looked up at Phil, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to learn. Because of the wedding, your parents want a large amount of servants to be flexible in what they can do,” informed Phil in a quiet voice.

“Oh, okay,” was all Dan could say. Why was this happening? Phil made Dan feel like everything in the world was wrong, and now he was going to be everywhere. Dan played his father’s warning in his head over and over, trying to block out Phil in the process.

The red headed girl started touching up Dan’s hair. It had been styled earlier in the day, so it didn’t need much. The girl turned Dan to face Phil, “So, as you can see, his hair is pretty easy.” She began running her fingers through Dan’s hair. “We just use a straighter and then sweep it this way to keep it out of his eyes.”

“Okay,” replied Phil. He and Dan made eye contact for a moment, and Phil immediately shifted his gaze to Dan’s stylist. “What then?”

“Well he usually has dark circles under his eyes,” said the girl as she grabbed some concealer.

“Why is that?”

“I don’t sleep well,” answered Dan. “I haven’t in a few months.” _Ever since my parents told me I’d be marrying Rebecca._

Dan’s stylist sighed, “Right, so we use this.” She squeezed some concealer into her left palm, and used her right index finger to start blending the product onto Dan’s skin, right under his eyes. A moment later, the circles under Dan’s eyes seemed to vanish. “Easy.” She then walked over to a door and opened it. Inside were dozens of outfits. “All of his outfits are already matched up. You would just need to pick one to match what he’s doing. Tonight he’s going to dinner with the king and queen, his fiancée’s family, and some other people. So, I’d go with this.” She selected a tuxedo that had white trimming, and expensive black shoes to go with it.

“This doesn’t seem too hard,” observed Phil.

“He’s got a pretty face, so he’s easy. Before I got moved here I had to work on this girl that lives in the Community, and she had the _worst_ eyebrows.” The girl huffed. “I need to earn my points already and get out of here.”

“Oh? So you’re a temp?” asked Phil.

The girl nodded, “Yeah. Why? You stuck here?”

Phil nodded back, “I’ve been here about six years, though I’m new to the royal estate. My family just couldn’t pay back the points, so those scary guys took me in the middle of the night…” Phil didn’t mean to go on about what happened, but he had never shared it with anyone. He closed his eyes, trying to avoid tearing up. He missed his family so much.

“I’m so sorry,” said the girl. She walked over and gave Phil a hug. “My shift is over, but Ashley is a permanent here and she works with Dan a lot. And I’ll probably be back soon. I’m Tracey.”

“Hello, Tracey.” Phil turned to Ashley, “Hello, Ashley.”

“Hi,” said Ashley, who was currently dressing Dan in his suit. She had shoulder length brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. “I’ve been here about ten years, and I’ve been a stylist for about two years. I can help.”

“Thank you,” said Phil, “both of you.”

Tracey left, leaving Phil, Ashley, and Dan in the room. Dan’s mind was racing with terrified thoughts. _Phil was taken?_ Dan knew that people ended up staying for life because they couldn’t repay debt, but he had no idea that anyone had been taken from their homes. How many people standing around him every day had been torn away forcibly from their families?

Ashley finished dressing Dan in his suit and gave his hair one last sweep. “You’re all set, your highness.”

“Thank you,” said Dan. “You’re excused.”

Ashley bowed and left the room. Phil looked at Dan despite just wanting to leave, “May I be excused?” he asked.

“In a moment. Um,” Dan bit his lower lip trying to think of what to say. “I have to ask… I’m sorry. What happened? You said you were taken?”

Phil’s eyes made their way to the carpet. Dan wished Phil would look at him, but he understood. Phil nearly choked on his words. “Being the prince, I guess you don’t know what happens. When a family can’t pay back their debt, their children get taken away to be slaves for the rest of their lives. I was the child that was taken.” Phil looked up at Dan. His eyes were shimmering with tears that he was trying desperately to hold back. “So now I’m here for life. Anything else I can get you?” he asked sharply.

Dan didn’t know what to say or do. He felt a _wful._ “No. You can go.” He couldn’t bring himself to say more. Phil quickly bowed and left the room. Dan’s heart sank. What kind of world did he really live in, and why wasn’t he allowed to know anything about it? How come he never knew his servants were _taken_? He always thought it was like a business deal; he thought people agreed that if they couldn’t pay debt they’d work for life. That never made sense to him, but it seemed the most logical of his ideas.

His mind was out of control. He began questioning everything he knew, and what he still didn’t know. His breathing quickened and became shallow. Suddenly there was a knock at his bedroom door. Quickly, he walked over and opened the door to see his father.

“Ready to go?” asked Mr. Howell. Dan looked at him with fear shining in his eyes. His breathing hadn’t changed from before, so he appeared extremely distressed. “Daniel, what is it?”

Dan forced his breathing to return to normal. He tried to appear calm, but it was almost impossible. “Nothing. I’m ready.” Dan rushed past his father and did his best to hurry out of the building. He walked outside and spotted a limousine. The driver opened the door, and Dan stepped inside. Unfortunately for him, everyone was already in the limo, and he was greeted with loud hellos and a kiss from Rebecca.

Dan tried to appear happy and nonchalant, but everything was nagging him in the back of his mind. Rebecca was sat on his lap, and even that wasn’t a good enough distraction. He had hoped that the sheer discomfort would help his mind get back on track in some way, but it almost made it worse.

“So, Dan!” chimed in a girl named Alex. She had olive skin, dark brown eyes, and long black hair. She and Dan had kissed each other when they were just kids, and Dan felt as if Alex never quite let that go. Dan never liked the attention he got from her, despite her beauty. “You’re almost 21 and almost married. How does all that feel?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around her husband, Johnathan.

“It feels great,” beamed Dan the best he could. Slowly but surely, lying was becoming exhausting. How was he going to do this his whole life?

“Ah! I can’t wait for the wedding!” chirped Alex.

“It’s going to be amazing!” added Rebecca.

“We’re going to be able to have _so much_ girl talk.” Alex winked at Rebecca, and Rebecca blushed and giggled. Dan could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Everything was wrong. Everything. “And, we’re going to start trying soon.”

Rebecca almost jumped out of her seat. “Oh my gosh! We’ll be pregnant around the same time! Our kids can be the best of friends!”

“Yeah!”

Now Dan was seriously starting to feel nauseous. _I don’t want to be married. I’m not ready to be a father. No. No!_

“Dan, sweetie, are you okay?” asked Rebecca as she gently caressed Dan’s cheek.

Dan forced a smile, “Yes, I’m fine, love. Just tired.” Without warning, Rebecca was kissing him again. She pushed her tongue into Dan’s mouth, and Dan couldn’t believe everyone was fine with seeing this right in front of their faces.

Dan thanked whatever higher power was out there, because the car stopped, forcing everyone to start getting out. They had arrived at a very elegant restaurant. Dan started to get worried. His family never hosted a dinner at this specific restaurant unless there was some form of announcement.

A while later, everyone was sat at a table and had placed their orders. Dan did his best to participate in small talk, mainly due to his mother’s constant glances. He started feeling more anxious. Normally when his parents had something to say, they said it before dinner arrived.

As if Dan had jinxed it, Mr. Howell tapped his wine glass to grab everyone’s attention. His father then stood up, “If I could have everyone’s attention for a moment?” Everyone at the table fell silent. “Thank you. I wanted to inform all of you that we’re going to be changing up our payments. With the wedding coming up, we’re going to need a lot more help. If you have any temps that are getting close to the line, please let us know.”

Chatter amongst the adults started up again, and Dan caught himself listening in. He caught words like “temp” and “less points”. He wasn’t sure what they meant, but he wanted to find out.

***

A week had passed, and Dan hadn’t pushed anything out of his mind. It seemed that his curiosity was only getting stronger. He crawled out of bed, and before he knew it, stylists were dressing him up. He had yet another wedding rehearsal to attend. After being sat down in his closet, he noticed a familiar someone with striking red hair.

“Tracey?” he wondered aloud. Tracey turned around, tears stinging her eyes. “Oh, god! What’s wrong?” Tracey didn’t say a word. “You can talk! What happened?” he asked as he stood to his feet.

Tracey sniffed, and wiped at her nose with her sleeve. “My family’s time to pay back debt was cut short. I’m here for life.”

Dan’s eyes widened as he started piecing things together in his mind. His father’s voice rang in his memory. _If you have any temps getting close to the line, please let us know._ Dan looked at Tracey with desperation in his eyes, “Tracey. Tell me. Did my parents cut your time short?”

“I don’t know who did it, but considering your parents are our country’s rulers, I would assume so.” Tracey wiped at her nose again. “It doesn’t matter. We weren’t going to be able to pay back my debt anyway.” When Tracey wiped her face, her sleeve slid down, and Dan noticed her wrist looked injured. He didn’t even think, and he grabbed her wrist and pushed up the sleeve. Tracey’s barcode had been badly burned.

“What happened to you?” asked Dan in a horrified whisper.

Tracey looked up at Dan and scoffed. “You don’t know anything, do you?” Dan’s expression turned to confusion. “When you’re made to serve for life they burn your code off. And then,” she pushed up her other sleeve and showed Dan her wrist, “you’re given a new code. That way if you manage to escape, you can’t claim you were burned in an accident and seek out a new identity. That’s why no one bothers to try and get out of here. No matter what, we’re trapped.”

Dan didn’t know what to think or how to feel. He was confused and scared. “How could they do this? How could anyone do this?”

“Nobody cares about the little people, Dan. Nobody has cared about us for a long time. Why do you Pacis is all that’s left?” Tracey watched Dan’s face for any signs that he might not be as innocent as he appeared, but she never saw his expression show anything along those lines. Dan looked nothing but afraid. “You need to get ready. I need to get you ready. Please, sit.”

Dan sat down. He barely noticed time passing. Tracey got him completely ready for his rehearsal. Almost immediately after she was finished, Mrs. Howell came to get him. He followed his mother out of the room, willing himself not to look back at Tracey.

Dan and his mother stood by the priest and waited for Mr. Howell. When he eventually arrived, Dan wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t gather the courage to do so. He looked up from the ground, making eye contact with his father, and it sent shivers down his spine. It was almost as if Mr. Howell had screamed at him to keep his mouth shut with just one look. Dan decided then that he wouldn’t say a word, but he wasn’t going to stay out of it. He was going to find out why his family ruled. He was going to find out how the system worked and why. He was going to find out everything.


	3. Chapter 2

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 2:

It was useless. Dan couldn’t sleep if it meant saving his life. He tossed and turned, wrinkling his sheets and pulling them up from where they were previously tucked. After a while Dan had managed to roll himself up like a burrito. He had to roll several times to untangle himself from the silk. Once he was free, he walked outside onto his balcony. There was a bright, full moon outside, which lit up the garden beautifully. Dan stared, wondering who planted all the flowers. He wondered who was _forced_ to plant the flowers.

There was a slight breeze outside, keeping Dan cool. Dan closed his eyes and let the wind caress him softly. There was a part of him that wanted everything to go back to the way it was. Just the other day he was only dealing with marrying Rebecca. Then he walked into his room and saw Phil making his bed. He couldn’t help but to recall the exact images. Piece by piece he put together the quick moments, and slowed them down. He picked apart the memories, choosing each piece carefully to think about. Firstly, he remembered Phil’s hands. He thought of how Phil’s fingers curled around his bed sheets, pulling them around the edges and tucking them underneath the mattress. Next, he thought about Phil’s eyes. Phil’s eyes were all sorts of colors, but in the right light, they were a brilliant crystal blue. His eyes were beautiful. Lastly, Dan thought of Phil’s voice. He thought of how Phil’s voice was so low that it was hard to hear unless the man spoke up.

Dan stopped. He took a moment to collect everything he had just thought of, and he asked himself, “ _Why does he matter? What is it that made him stand out and matter to me_?” He had no idea, not a single clue. Then, he tried to do the same thing with Rebecca. He tried and tried, but no matter what, he couldn’t piece together anything about Rebecca like he had with Phil. He didn’t understand. Why was it that Phil, a servant he had known for a week, had been able to engrave a mark in his memory, but Rebecca, someone he had known his whole life, couldn’t even compare? He cared about Rebecca, but he felt like she was family.

The moon slowly slid across the sky. Dan spent a long time deep in thought, trying to understand. Finally, he had a terrifying realization. He came to a conclusion that he couldn’t bear to be true. Tears started to gather in his eyes. It couldn’t be true. It _couldn’t_.

“Dan?” asked a familiar voice. Dan turned around to see Tracey. Tracey remained silent until Dan gave her permission to speak. “Sorry to bother you, but I was sent to check on you. I expected you to at least be pretending to be asleep.” She took a step closer to Dan, and she then could see the moon shining in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do?”

A tear slowly dripped down Dan’s cheek as he shook his head. He was trying so hard not to break, and Tracey’s concerned expression wasn’t helping one bit. “No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Tracey in a whisper. Even though she was resentful about what had happened to her, seeing Dan so weak and vulnerable made her heart ache. Even the prince had things in his life that caused him pain. “I can’t leave you like this. When I report back, your mother is going to want to know what’s wrong. I can’t lie to that woman, so if I stay it’ll be easier for both of us.” Dan realized Tracey was right. His mother had caught on to his sleep patterns and now had servants check on him frequently throughout the night. She wanted to be sure her son was sleeping.

Dan sat down and leaned his back against the balcony’s stone railing. He stared up at Tracey, waiting for her to sit down too. Tracey sat down to Dan’s left, and leaned her right shoulder against the railing. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“I’m confused,” said Dan, his voice cracking from choking back tears. “There’s something that might be wrong with me, and if there is, I would be disowned for it, maybe even killed.”

Tracey knew exactly what Dan was talking about. She reached over and placed her hand gingerly on his knee. “I think I know what you’re talking about, and the fact that we live in a world where that would happen to you, it sickens me. People like us should be allowed to love who we choose, especially since the rest of our lives are controlled.” She pieced everything together in an instant. Dan didn’t want to marry Rebecca, and it wasn’t because he was being choosy or snotty.

“People like us?” questioned Dan in a quite tone.

“Part of the reason I was so upset about being trapped here, is because I had to leave my girlfriend behind,” whispered Tracey. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes, but she blinked them back. She knew that if she started crying now, she wouldn’t stop.

Dan’s heart felt sore. Not only did Tracey state what he couldn’t accept about himself, but she had to leave someone behind, someone she loved. Everything was attacking Dan at once. His voice fell into an almost inaudible whisper, “I’m sorry,” he paused. “I have to ask. How did you put together what’s wrong with me so quickly?”

“First off, there’s nothing wrong with you, just like there’s nothing wrong with me. Secondly, I knew it from the second Phil walked into the room. Your face got flushed, you struggled to speak correctly, and you couldn’t help but to keep staring.” Tracey felt herself smile slightly. “I could tell because that’s how my girlfriend always looked at me.”

“Am I that obvious?” asked Dan as he felt his cheeks warm.

Tracey chuckled, “Only to someone who knows the look. To anyone else it’s just pre wedding jitters,” she assured him. “However…” Dan’s heart beat picked up at Tracey’s statement. “I feel compelled to tell you that I’ve overheard your parents talking. They know you don’t want to marry Rebecca. Your mother is sad, and your father is…”

“Furious,” added Dan. Tracey nodded her head. “I don’t understand why it’s so important for me to marry Becky. For Christ’s sake it would have been nice to at least choose my bride.”

“It’s probably because Rebecca’s family is the most wealthy and powerful in the country, second to only your family. If you marry any further beneath your status, her family might overrun yours.”

A lot more of Dan’s life started to make sense, and equally as much became cluttered and confusing. “I don’t get it. My family is royalty. We shouldn’t be able to be overthrown by anyone that doesn’t share our blood.”

“Your _status_ I know for certain is royalty,” began Tracey with dread in her voice. “But for all we know it’s not your blood. This world has been messed up for a long time, and our generation will never get to know what really happened or why.” She scoffed, “For all we know, our parent’s generation doesn’t know either. Everyone is brainwashed.”

“I have to agree. I know nothing about how this world works. I’ve been hidden away by my family. Why? Why haven’t they explained anything to me?”

“You’re probably easier to deal with when you’re ignorant. At first I thought you’d be just like them. I thought that up until I told you I was stuck here. It was then that I saw a boy that didn’t know any better.” Tracey shifted her gaze to meet Dan’s eyes. “They know you’re not like them, and that makes you dangerous. You’re the type of person that might want to change their utopia.”

Dan looked up at the stars. His eyes shifted from one glowing dot to another as he spoke, “So you’re saying that assholes made a perfect world for themselves, and now people like me that care about the little people would mess it up.”

“Exactly,” Tracey joined Dan’s stargaze. “People like you would try to help, and people like your parents can’t have that. They don’t want to lose their slaves.”

“That’s so…wrong. How can we live in a world like this?”

Tracey huffed. “If you look back at history, it’s always been like this. First it was anyone of color, and they had it much worse. They were chained, beaten, and raped. At least all I have to do is clean and serve drinks. I have a bed to sleep in, and I’m fed. My life could be worse, and that’s about all that keeps me going.”

“Just because you live in comfortable confinement doesn’t mean it’s okay,” stated Dan firmly.

“I’m not disagreeing with you. All I’m saying is that the world has always sucked, and there’s nothing we can really do about it. Seasons change, people don’t. All you’ll do by trying to help is get yourself into trouble, especially if anyone here finds out you’re gay.”

Dan brought his gaze back down to Tracey. He looked at her with a sympathetic and grateful expression. Tracey was a slave, a poor girl sentenced to a life of serving, and yet she was talking to him like a normal person. She wasn’t bashing him, judging him, or even acting angry at him. Dan was grateful that she knew he was different. “Thank you, Tracey.” Dan embraced Tracey, and she returned the gesture.

“Be careful, Dan…” she whispered. As much as she hoped he would leave it all alone, she knew he wouldn’t. She got to her feet and offered her hand. Dan took her hand and stood up beside her. “Try to get some rest.”

“I will,” promised Dan. Tracey gave Dan one more quick hug before leaving. Dan heard the door click, and he then went back into his room and climbed into bed. He buried himself in the sheets, as if trying to hide from the world. He kept his eyes open despite not being able to see anything. Sometimes the darkness felt like the only safe place. Dan always preferred the dark, he never feared it. The idea of a black abyss had always been appealing to him. He wished he could be consumed by the dark and stay there, but alas, the sun would eventually rise, forcing another day upon him.

***

It was just after 5:00 p.m. Dan was dreading having dinner with his parents. Every meal seemed awkward and careful ever since Mr. Howell had threatened Dan, warning him to keep to his own devices. Mrs. Howell always made quiet conversation with Dan whilst Mr. Howell ate his meal, gave Dan a harsh look, and then left.

Dan was in the library. He had grabbed a book to pretend to read, and was in the furthest corner, hidden away. He kept his book propped up, but he was playing a game on the desk. It was a hologram that was projected as a 3D model, which he controlled with a laser keyboard that reacted to his touch. In the game he was fighting monsters, so he had to be careful not to react too noticeably when he was attacked by a troll or goblin.

“E-excuse me?” asked a voice Dan already knew too well. Dan looked up to see Phil. Phil was standing with his hands behind his back. He seemed nervous, but kept quiet. Dan rolled his eyes as he gave Phil permission to speak. “I-I need you to come with me please. I’ve been asked to get you ready f-for this evening.”

Dan looked at Phil curiously as he turned off his game. “Is there something going on this evening? I thought I was just having dinner with my parents as usual.”

“You are, sort of. I-I’ll explain while I get you ready.”

Dan nodded in agreement, and he followed Phil to his room. Dan locked the door behind him out of habit, but the action made Phil even more nervous. Phil stood by a spinning chair in Dan’s closet, waiting for the prince to sit down. Dan sat down and waited.

“R-right,” mumbled Phil as he plugged in a hair straightener. He started styling Dan’s hair the way Ashley had taught him. “You’re having dinner with your father. Your mother is going to be visiting with Rebecca’s parents this evening.”

Dan’s heart raced. His father wanted to be alone with him, which meant he was in huge trouble. What had he done? He hadn’t stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, yet. “Okay.”

Phil barely acknowledged what Dan said, and continued to fix up his hair. Not too much time passed and Dan’s hair was straight enough for Phil to work with. Then, Phil applied liquid foundation to the dark circles underneath Dan’s eyes. Dan couldn’t help but to notice that Phil’s hands were shaking.

“What’s wrong? Why are you so nervous today?” he asked.

Phil finished putting on the makeup, and he withdrew his hand. “When you’re asked personally by the king to prepare his son for the evening, it makes you weary of doing something wrong.”

“He didn’t threaten you…did he?” Dan’s voice dropped to a whisper.

Phil shook his head, “No. It’s just he never talks to servants directly unless they’re his. I’m not a personal servant to him, so for him to approach me was unnerving.”

Dan ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it to the side. He looked up at Phil in the mirror, barely meeting the man’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why he’s been like this.”

“Something’s upset him, I suppose,” observed Phil as he walked into Dan’s closet. He selected a very nice tuxedo. Suddenly it dawned upon Phil that he would have to dress and undress Dan like a doll. He felt awkward and uncomfortable, but he wasn’t about to protest any of the king’s orders.

Dan noticed Phil was taking a while to make his way out of the closet. “Everything alright?”

Phil shook his head to clear his thoughts, and then quickly walked out and over to Dan. “Yes, I just had to find the shoes to go with this.” Dan and Phil looked at each other, both feeling their hearts pick up the pace. Dan suddenly realized that it was Phil’s job to dress him. He always felt embarrassed about that with any servant. It seemed stupid, but royalty was apparently too good to dress themselves. Dan felt his cheeks warm. Having the girls he had known years undress him, that he was used to, but this was Phil.

Phil took a quiet, deep breath to himself, and started to undress Dan. He reached up and unbuttoned Dan’s shirt and took it off, placing it on the back of the chair. Dan was doing his best to not meet Phil’s eyes. It was painfully awkward. Phil had never been responsible for something like this before, so he feared doing something wrong. Despite this, he undid the button and zipper on Dan’s jeans and pulled them to the floor. Dan stepped out of his jeans.

Dan was trying his hardest to keep calm and nonchalant, but having Phil so close and undressing him was making his heart pound in his chest. He found himself praying that he wouldn’t get a random erection. Luckily for him, the first thing Phil did was dress him in his dress pants. As soon as Phil zipped the zipper and put the button in place, Dan could breathe again.

Phil put the white shirt on Dan and started hooking the buttons. He started from the bottom and worked his way up. When he reached the top button he unconsciously looked up. For a moment, he and Dan were looking at each other, eye to eye, with their faces mere inches apart. Dan stared into Phil’s blue irises, and found himself feeling lost at sea. Unconsciously, his lips fell apart ever so slightly. Phil quickly finished with the last button and stepped away.

Dan swallowed and looked away. He mentally smacked himself and cursed himself. One wrong move and who knows what his father would do to him. His eyes widened at the idea of not only what his father would do to him, but what his father would do to Phil. He did his best to shake it off and look around the room aimlessly, pretending to be bored.

“Let me know if this is too tight,” said Phil as he wrapped a tie around Dan’s neck, tucking it under the collar of Dan’s shirt.

“Right,” replied Dan. Phil knotted the tie and did his best to adjust it. He looked at Dan expectedly. Dan quickly fled, shifting his eyes away from Phil’s gaze. “It’s fine. Not too tight or too loose.”

“Okay.”

Phil dressed Dan in a black blazer and matching black shoes. Lastly, he sprayed Dan with some cologne. Dan was completely ready, finally.

“You’re all set,” informed Phil.

Dan fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeve, still avoiding looking at Phil. “Thank you, for everything.”

“Yeah,” was all Phil said. He suddenly felt irritated that Dan wouldn’t even look at him. “You could at least look at me.” Dan looked up at Phil surprised. “I know I’m just a slave but—!” Phil stopped himself. The last thing he needed was to make Dan angry and end up in trouble with him, or worse, his father.

“I-I’m sorry…” mumbled Dan. Now it was Phil’s turn to look surprised. “It’s not what you think…”

“Just forget it,” snapped Phil. He didn’t mean to be so angry, especially because he feared Dan retaliating.

“You may leave,” stated Dan flatly, trying to keep it all together. Phil bowed to Dan and left the room as quickly as he could. Dan’s heart sank. He didn’t want Phil to hate him, but he couldn’t get too close either. It seemed that a happy medium was something that was far from reality.

It wasn’t long before Dan was summoned by his father. Dan went to the dining hall and found his father in the usual seat. He sat down after saying an extremely quiet hello.

“Daniel,” greeted Mr. Howell in a worryingly calm tone. “I’m glad you could join me.”

“Of course, father,” replied Dan as he adjusted in his seat. He felt nervous and vulnerable without his mother sat across from him. Mr. Howell sat at the end of the table, and Dan was to his left on the side. Dan fidgeted with the straw in his glass, avoiding his father’s eyes.

There was a long pause, almost too long. Eventually, Mr. Howell broke the silence. “Daniel, how much do you know about Pacis?”

“Um,” Dan had to stop and think. What did he really know? “I know we’re all that’s left after World War III. I know that we developed the country in order to try and keep peace. I know that, uh,” Dan had run out of things to say. He was never taught much about the country. He didn’t need to know; he was a prince.

“Pacis was founded 152 years ago, in 2072,” began Mr. Howell as he stared ahead. “We created this world to keep things in order, as the last thing we wanted was more war.”

“During World War III, new technology was developed. They perfected nuclear weapons, created self-piloting warships, and created various diseases. The world was destroyed. We are all that is left. The government officials and royal family created Pacis, which is derived from the Latin word ‘paciscuntur’, which means ‘bartering.’ The system started by going back to the old days of trading, because money was destroyed along with the rest of the world. Of course, that didn’t last. People took advantage of each other, constant arguments broke out, and keeping track of any kind of assets was almost impossible.”

“In 2156, we created the point system that lower class citizens use today to pay for their needs. Almost every system has flaws, and we discovered the point system flaw very quickly. People took advantage, and would often enter points they didn’t earn into their accounts, given they possessed a position that allowed them to distribute points, similar to tellers robbing banks back in the early 2000’s. Naturally we had to put a stop to it, so in 2164, we started permanently inking citizen’s codes on their wrists, and they were no longer allowed to distribute points amongst themselves. From that point forward, they would scan their wrist, which carries their identity and their account information, and the men I’ve hired to track their income pay them.”

“Of course it wasn’t long before people became desperate. They groveled at our feet, begging for higher pay, because by giving themselves points they didn’t earn, they buried themselves in debt. So we came up with a punishment. If citizens cannot pay their debt back in the allotted time, they give up their children to serve us here, and if they have no children, they will be the ones brought here. Their code will be burned off, and they will be given a new one so that they may not fake an injury and seek out a new identity. It is their own fault.”

Mr. Howell finally turned to look at Dan. “So as you can see, it is a very delicate system. You would be wise to simply be wedded to Rebecca, and move on.”

“Y-yes, sir,” stuttered Dan. “I don’t plan on doing anything besides marrying Rebecca.”

Mr. Howell stood up, “Good. I have a meeting to attend to. Enjoy your meal.” He left the room, leaving Dan to sit in his chair almost shaking. Dan held his glass in his hands, and he stared at his reflection in the water. He wondered what his life would be like if he hadn’t been born into a privileged family. His image in the liquid suddenly changed to Phil. Phil stared back at him, pain embedded in his eyes. Dan began to realize that almost everyone was set up to suffer the fate that Phil and Tracey had. What hurt Dan the most was knowing that there was nothing that he could do about it. All he could do was watch.

***

Dan lay awake in his bed waiting. He knew Tracey would be coming in soon to check on him due to his mother’s orders, which meant he could finally talk to her in private. Sure enough, Tracey opened the door and walked towards Dan. Dan sat up, causing Tracey to yelp and jump back. Quickly, she marched forward and punched Dan in the arm. “You idiot!” she hissed quietly. “You gave me a heart attack!”

“You just assaulted a prince, you know? You could be executed,” whispered Dan as he climbed out of bed. He rubbed his arm; Tracey hit pretty hard.

“My apologizes, your royal-pain-in-the-ass,” sassed Tracey as she curtsied. Dan rolled his eyes and led Tracey outside. “I’m assuming you wanted to talk to me.” She plopped down and leaned back on the railing of the balcony.

“I do,” replied Dan as he sat down next to her. “My father spoke with me today, and I’ve never been more scared.”

Tracey scooted closer to Dan. Her eyebrows knit, and her heart beat quickened. “What did he say? Did he threaten you?”

“Sort of. He explained Pacis’ history to me, dating back to World War III.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and I had no idea how messed up this all is. How much do you know?”

“Um,” Tracey drummed her fingers along the balcony floor. “I know about why Pacis was created, because we’re all that’s left from the war. And I know the point system was created because people were assholes when it came to bartering, but that’s about it.” Dan dived head first into a long explanation, repeating what his father had told him. Tracey stared at him in shock, “Doesn’t that sound a bit harsh to you?”

“More than that stands out to me,” began Dan with worry in his voice. “Think about it. They started the permanent barcodes in 2164.”

“Okay?”

Dan shook his head, “Tracey, think about it! How many servants work here in my home? Not counting now, the wedding is mixing things up.”

Tracey mumbled to herself, trying to narrow her thoughts down to a solid number. “Eh, 30, maybe 40 at most?”

“Exactly. It’s 2224, which means that people have been being taken from their homes as punishment for 60 years!”

Tracey looked at Dan with a puzzled expression, “What’s your point?”

“My point is that we only have around 40 servants? Really? That’s it after _60 years_ of taking people?”

“Okay, I see where that’s a little suspicious and scary…” Tracey started running things through her mind. Dan was right. Something was wrong, very wrong.

“There’s something they’re not telling anyone, even me.”

“Well can you blame them?” Tracey scoffed. “Imagine the prince getting all worked up over the fate of his slaves. If you were heartless like the rest of the people here maybe they’d keep you informed.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “That’s beside the point. There’s something going on, and it’s bad. I don’t know what to do.”

“Stay out of it is what you need to do. There’s nothing you can do about it. You need to focus on marrying Rebecca and staying out of Phil’s pants.”

Dan nearly choked, “Excuse me?” he hissed, trying not to shout.

Tracey burst into giggles that she had to muffle with her sleeve. “Want to know a secret?” Dan stared with wide, embarrassed eyes. “I was supposed to pretty you up today, but I had a terrible cough and the prince can’t afford to get sick. Luckily I knew of someone capable of getting the job done.”

“You little—!”

“Oh don’t give me that, you know you wanted it.”

Dan brought his hands forward and pretended to strangle Tracey. “I’m trying to keep things at bay, and you’re sending in Phil to strip me down!”

“Did you like it? Did ya? Did ya?” asked Tracey giddily.

“…Yes,” confessed Dan. Tracey danced her seat. “Oh shut up.” Dan playfully nudged Tracey, earning a quiet laugh from her. He couldn’t help but to smile. “I hope you know it was the most painfully awkward thing that has ever happened to me.”

“Did you get a boner?”

Dan looked at Tracey, completely mortified. “No! And stop asking personal questions, Jesus. Ever heard of privacy, Tracey?”

“I’ve heard of it, but you’re the only chill person in this entire community, so I refuse to respect it.” Tracey gave Dan a smile, earning one back.

“I lost my _friend_ , Becky, when she became my fiancée, and I know she and other people are only my friends because of my status. Thank you for being my first real friend.”

Tracey smiled, and then she put on a serious look. “Oh, I’m only here for the gossip about Phil,” she joked. “I need to know every detail once you two start seeing each other.”

“News flash, Tracey, me and Phil could never be a thing. We’d be burned,” Dan tried to laugh to lighten the harsh truth.

Tracey shrugged. “Me and my girlfriend never got caught. I’m rooting for you.” She smacked Dan on his knee, and then stood up. “I’ve got to head back, but any time you want to talk, just let me know, and I’ll make sure I come out here at night. I don’t mind.”

Dan stood up and smiled, “Thanks, Tracey.” Tracey smiled back and left. Dan went back into his room and got into bed. Being able to share his troubles with Tracey put his mind at ease, and he was able to drift to sleep.

***

It was the middle of the day. The sun was high, shining bright, and Dan couldn’t have been more irritated. Rebecca loved nothing more than beautiful sunny days, so Mrs. Howell had suggested they go on a walk in the park. Dan and Rebecca were talking side by side. Rebecca had her hands on Dan’s arm, holding him close as they made their way around. Dan had been tuning out most of the things that was Rebecca was saying. She was going on and on about marriage and children, and it was beginning to stress him out.

“Picking names is going to be so hard! How can you pick just a few amazing names?” asked Rebecca. Dan nearly vomited hearing the word “few”. How many kids did the woman want? It was a question Dan never took the risk of asking. “I’m sure we’ll narrow it down though.”

“I’m sure we will,” stated Dan with a smile. His mouth nearly twitched from having to force a state of happiness almost constantly.

“By the way, sweetie,” began Rebecca using her, “I want something” voice. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

Dan bit his lower lip. “Why?” he asked trying to sound curious, not concerned.

“There are _so_ many things going on at my house. We’re packed with servants getting rid of books and stuff.”

“They’re getting rid of books?”

“Yeah, apparently there are lots of physical copies of documents we don’t need anymore. I overheard my parents blabbing about war documentaries and things like that and needing to burn them. I don’t know; it’s weird old people stuff. Anyway, it’s super loud and the house is smoky from burning stuff, so can I stay over?”

Dan couldn’t believe it. There was definitely something being hidden, and now they were burning the evidence. It dawned upon him that perhaps Rebecca’s parents were probably just as deep into secrecy as his family, which would explain why the families stuck together right down to his and Rebecca’s engagement. He needed to get his hands on some of those books before it was too late.

“Dan? Honey?” Rebecca caressed Dan’s cheek, trying to get his attention.

“What? Yes, sorry, love; of course you can stay with me tonight,” said Dan endearingly. As Rebecca jumped around happily, Dan was already trying to piece together how he could sneak away from her and grab some of the evidence. Dan knew this was his only chance as discovering the truth, and he had to take it no matter what.

***

It was 12:40 a.m. Rebecca was still in the process of falling asleep, curled up to Dan. Dan’s mind was playing out scenarios and ideas as he waited for Rebecca to go to sleep. Without warning, Rebecca rolled her way on top of Dan and opened her eyes. “Hi,” she whispered.

Dan’s heart started racing. What was she up to? He had a feeling he was about to find out whether he liked it or not. “Hi,” he responded in a quiet voice.

“I was just thinking,” Rebecca pecked Dan’s lip, biting them softly. “We never get any alone time.” She started to kiss at his jaw, and made her way to his neck. Dan almost shoved her away by impulse when she nipped at the side of his neck. He felt a discomfort he had never known. Everything felt wrong. He knew he needed to get out of the situation, but how? All too soon, Rebecca was back at his lips. Dan felt her start to move her arm and reach down, and he wanted nothing more than to push her away.

“Becky, I—.” Dan tried to speak up, hoping maybe she would stop, but to no avail. Rebecca snaked her arm down and started palming Dan through his pajamas. Dan gasped, but not from the reason Rebecca assumed. He wanted her off, _now._ “Becky, stop!” he shouted without meaning to.

Rebecca pulled away and retracted her hand. She looked at Dan with hurt and confusion in her eyes. “What? What’s wrong?”

  1. Dan had no idea what he could say to get himself out of the whole he had dug. “I…I’m just not ready.”



“Dan, we’re getting married in about a month. Don’t you think you’d be more comfortable and prepared if we start now?” asked Rebecca as she started moving her hands back down to Dan’s crotch. “It would be so much better.” She slipped her hand into Dan’s pants. Dan scrambled away from her, almost falling off the bed. “Dan! What is your problem?”

“I said no!” shouted Dan back with harshness in his voice. “I’m not ready!”

“Well when will you be, Dan?” snapped Rebecca, her voice rising with anger. “You might as well get used to it! I know we’ve always been friends, but come on! We’re going to be married, and I’m going to have your children!”

“You pressuring me isn’t helping!”

“What do you plan to do on our wedding night?” her voice was getting louder, which worried Dan. The last thing he needed was his parents overhearing the argument. “What’s _wrong_ with you?”

Those words hit Dan where he was the weakest. The accusation of something being wrong sent shivers down his spine. “I don’t know! I’m just not ready, and not comfortable! I don’t know why!” Dan hoped Rebecca couldn’t hear him lying through his teeth. He knew exactly why. He had _no_ attraction to women, but he had hoped it was simply a lack of interest. Now, severe discomfort was being added to the list and making things worse.

“Figure it out! I’m not having a marriage where we won’t even become intimate!” Rebecca got out of Dan’s bed and stormed off to the guest room. Dan fell back onto the sheets and covered his face with his hands, trying to keep it all in.

About an hour passed, and Rebecca hadn’t come back. Dan took it as his opportunity to sneak away to her home. He quickly went to his closet and chose all black to wear. He left his house as quietly as he could, only taking a flashlight with him. He only used the flashlight when he absolutely couldn’t see where he was going. Other than that, he stayed hidden in the shadows.

Dan reached Rebecca’s house, and he could already smell the smoke from outside. He saw a bunch of people burning books in the backyard, and he suddenly realized he had shown up with little to no plan. He peaked around the corner and saw where the men were entering the house from. Carefully, he snuck around the corner when no one was looking and slipped into the house. Once he reached the room filled with books, he started looking frantically for something useful that he could escape with.

Everything was in disarray. Dan didn’t even know where to start. He heard voices, and he dove underneath a nearby desk and curled up as tight as he could. Footsteps echoed around him, and voices murmured in the air.

“Okay, after this batch, make sure to burn the files about Tuarium,” said a man.

“Sir!” said another man.

Dan waited for the men to leave, and then he quickly got to his feet. He searched the room as fast as he could. Then, his eyes landed on a stack of files labeled “Classified.” He started flipping through and spotted the word “Tuarium”, and that was enough for him. He stuffed the files in his jacket and made a run for it. With a lot of luck, he made his way around the edge of the house and ran down the street without being spotted or heard.

Upon his return home, Dan slumped against his front door. He breathed heavily, catching his breath. It was going to be okay. He got the files, he got home, and no one heard him.

“And where have you been?” asked a voice from the darkness. Dan’s head shot up, and the lights turned on. Right before him stood Mr. Howell, and to make matters worse, Rebecca was right there by his father’s side.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is when some of the sexual abuse/rape comes in, but it is minor in this chapter.

Forgive Me

 

  
_Previously. . ._

_Upon his return home, Dan slumped against his front door. He breathed heavily, catching his breath. It was going to be okay. He got the files, he got home, and no one heard him._

_“And where have you been?” asked a voice from the darkness. Dan’s head shot up, and the lights turned on. Right before him stood Mr. Howell, and to make matters worse, Rebecca was right there by his father’s side._

Chapter 3:

“Um…I-I-I…I uhh… went for a nightly walk…” stuttered Dan struggling to form a coherent thought. His body was exhausted, and his mind was scrambled from fear.

Mr. Howell wrapped his arm around Rebecca and rubbed her shoulder. “Rebecca here tells me you two had a very big argument. So, what I understand is that you had a fight with your beloved fiancée, and your first resolution idea was to take a walk and leave her alone?”

Dan suddenly realized that either way he was going to get in a lot of trouble. However, if his father only thought that he had left to ignore Rebecca, the consequences would be much less severe. “I just needed to clear my head so that I could speak with her rationally. I don’t want to hurt her.” Dan watched his father’s face for signs of belief.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve made the decision to come back and fix things. However, before you do that, I would like to speak with you alone.” Mr. Howell gestured for Dan to follow him. Dan reluctantly followed his father. He felt sick to his stomach. Once they had reached a different room, Mr. Howell turned to face Dan. “Rebecca tells me that you’re refusing intimacy.”

“I…I…” Dan didn’t know what to say. He felt equally scared and embarrassed. What the hell was wrong with Rebecca? Had she seriously run off to complain to his father that he was refusing sex? Dan took a deep breath, and forced himself to look his father in the eye. “I’m just not ready. It’s a big step, especially considering she and I have always been friends.”

Mr. Howell chuckled, “I think you and I both know that you’re feeding me lies, Daniel.” Dan’s face dropped from calm to scared in an instant. “Now, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I am going to suggest that you take whatever problem you have and fix it. You better fix it soon. I won’t have this marriage fall apart. You will marry Rebecca, she will bear your children whom will someday take the throne, and you will follow through with all of it. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir,” replied Dan, trying his hardest to seem fully collected and willing. Mr. Howell didn’t say another word. He left the room, switching off the light on the way out, leaving Dan by himself in the dark. A few moments later, Rebecca walked through the entryway, and clicked on the light.

“Let’s go to your room and talk,” she said. Her tone indicated it was an order, not an invitation. Dan knew he was in no position to argue, so he simply nodded and led the way to his room. After they stepped inside his bedroom, Dan went to his closet to change into sleepwear. Though he did change, his real objective was to hide the files. He walked to the very back of the closet, where his least worn clothes were collecting dust, and slipped the file underneath several pairs of shoes.

Dan quickly went back to his bed to find Rebecca lying down, clearly waiting for him. He took a deep, silent breath, and climbed into bed. “Hi, Becky,” he whispered.

“You’re going to have to let me touch you sometime,” was all Rebecca had to say in return. Her statement made Dan’s heart race. He knew her words were true, and it was a terrible feeling. “You’ll feel better if you get used to it.” She leaned down and started pecking kisses along Dan’s neck. Dan had to stop himself form squirming.

“You’re right.” The words burned Dan’s throat. He felt Rebecca smile against his skin. His eyes shut tight when he felt her reach into his pajama pants again. Trying to relax, he attempted to let himself feel pleasure from her touches, but nothing worked. All he felt was unpleasantness. He soon realized that it wouldn’t take Rebecca long to catch on that something wasn’t right, so he tried thinking of someone else. Eventually, he settled on an image. It didn’t make everything better, but it helped.

Eventually things came to a close. Dan waited, hoping Rebecca wasn’t going to ask for anything in return. Rebecca lay next to Dan. She gently cupped his face and ran her thumb along his cheek. “How was it?”

“It felt nice,” replied Dan just wishing it would all be over. Rebecca smiled and closed her eyes. She appeared to be falling asleep. Dan lay still, not daring to disturb her. Soon enough, her hand fell limp, and her breathing softened. Dan rolled over to face away from her and tried to get comfortable. He wanted to get up and change into something clean, but he feared waking her from leaving the bed. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep and forget anything ever happened.

Dan tossed and turned as silently as he could. He couldn’t sleep. The gears in his brain were on full speed. Between finding the files, his talk with his father, and Rebecca’s persistence to start being intimate, sleep was something he could only wish for from the deepest wants of his heart. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget. He wanted to escape.

He thought about the files hidden under his shoes. What information was in there? Had he managed to grab anything useful or relevant, or had he picked up something worthless?

His father’s words echoed in his mind, each time seeming more frightening and threatening. He wondered what he had done to cause his parents to care so little for his wellbeing. Certainly his father knew how upset Dan was about the situation, but he simply didn’t care. Dan wondered what was so important that his father would go to such lengths to marry him off to Rebecca, and that his mother would do nothing to help him.

Lastly, his mind sent him to dark places that sent shivers down his spine. Being intimate with Rebecca had been awful. He felt violated. He made it clear that he didn’t want to be touched, and she didn’t listen. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt, to where he was almost tearing up. He wanted to be left alone; he didn’t want to be touched by her again, but he knew it was only going to get worse. The wedding was rapidly approaching, and things between him and Rebecca were going to be forced to go as far as possible. Dan wiped away a tear that was rolling down his cheek. He then turned over, making sure to be as far away from Rebecca as possible. Taking deep breaths, he tried to think about the possibility of the files having something to help him. He prayed that the place called “Tuarium” might be his saving grace.

***

Morning came, pulling Dan from his dark bliss that kept him hidden from the harsh truth of reality. The sun shined through his large windows, waking both him and Rebecca from their slumbers. Rebecca immediately noticed the large amount of space between her and Dan, and she was not happy about it. Dan could practically feel the irritation, so he closed his eyes and pretended to still be sleeping.

“Daaaaan,” whispered Rebecca as she crawled over to her fiancé. She gently nudged his shoulder. “Wake up, love.”

“Hm?” Dan made a faux groan and opened his eyes slowly, hoping to sell his act. “Good morning, love.”

Rebecca smiled as she draped her arms over Dan and pulled him close. “You seem to move a lot in your sleep. I’ll just have to hold on tighter next time.” Dan knew she meant it as a cute, couple-like gesture, but it felt almost like a threat. “I should be heading home soon…”

“That’s a shame…” whispered Dan sounding disappointed. _Thank God!_ “I guess I’ll see you soon though.”

“Yeah,” Rebecca kissed Dan as she pulled him up to a seated position. “I’ll see you soon.” She climbed out of bed, grabbed her clothes, and left his room. Dan fell back onto his pillows and threw his fist in the air in triumph. At last, he was alone.

Dan still felt disgusted with the previous night’s events, so he quickly got up to take a shower. He finished cleansing himself, and then he sat down, pressing his back to the cold tile wall, and just breathed. Knowing that his time bathing was probably going to be his only alone time for a while, he didn’t bother caring about the time or the day’s events. He needed to be by himself.

He wasn’t sure how much time has passed. All he knew was that he had to escape. There had to be a way to get out. More than that, all he could think about was that he wanted to take Phil and Tracey with him. There was no way he could go and leave them behind. Despite wanting to be locked away in his sanctuary, he knew he wasn’t going to make any progress just sitting there.

Slowly, Dan got out of the shower and dressed himself in comfortable clothes. He went to his door, locked it, and then went into his closet. After pulling out the file, he began to read. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He read that in 2164 a place called Tuarium was created for those who were made into slaves. The location was a home for the elderly that were kicked to the streets, young children that managed to escape, etc. There was no information regarding its destruction. Dan hoped deeply that it still existed. It would be the perfect place to escape to. Dan decided that when Tracey would arrive, he would tell her all about it.

Dan slipped the file under his shoes just in time. There was a knock at his bedroom door, which caused his heart to pound. Quickly, he got up and ran to the door. Alex was standing in the doorway, which confused Dan immensely.

“Hey, Dan!” she chirped.

Dan blinked a few times, making sure he was seeing things correctly. “Alex? What are you doing here?”

“I came to get you. It’s gorgeous out, and Rebecca’s hosting a pool party. You should come.”

“Uh,” Dan bit his bottom lip. “I’m kinda tired. And I—.”

“Your mom is in a really bad mood today, by the way,” whispered Alex.

“I’ll get my swimming trunks.”

Alex smiled and walked away. Dan closed his door, locked it, and proceeded to search for swimming trunks in his closet. He settled on a black pair, and changed into them. Then, he selected a white tank, despite his mental protests, and put it on. He would have rather stuck with black, or even grey, but he knew the heat wasn’t worth it today. There was a digital clock/thermometer on his wall, which showed it was already getting close to 32 degrees Celsius.

Dan left his home and headed to Rebecca’s house. He could already hear the music blasting from her backyard. He walked into her backyard through the gate, and he was immediately greeted by a lot of other young adults that lived nearby. Names played in his head as he said hello to all the familiar faces. _Alex, Johnathan, Helen, Joseph, Maria, Brian. . ._ Dan suddenly realized that though he wasn’t close with any of those people, he would still find himself feeling strange not being around them anymore. They had always been kind to him, with the occasional playful banter. He had no reason to dislike any of them.

Dan joined Rebecca, Alex, Johnathan, Helen, and Brian by the side of the pool. Everyone was dipping their feet to keep cool. Dan discarded his tank top, as it was just too damn hot out.

“Watch out everyone!” shouted Brian. He was a built young man with sandy blond hair that was scruffy and always in his eyes, and blue eyes. He had swept Helen off of her feet since age 15. “Howell’s showing skin!” Dan reached over and lightly shoved Brian.

“Hey, shut up,” he said. “I like my concealing dark clothes.”

“A little too much,” teased Helen. She had platinum blonde hair that shaped around her face in a nearly perfect pixie cut. Her eyes were hazel and changed color depending on the sunlight. Today, her eyes were as blue as the ocean. “How do you not burn to death in the sun?”

“Because, despite popular belief, I am _not_ in fact a vampire,” sassed Dan. Everyone laughed.

“Shut up!” said Helen as she got to her feet. She was about to attempt to push Dan in the pool, but Dan knew what she was up to. Dan swerved the side and stuck out his arm, tripping Helen. She lost her balance and fell into the pool, splashing everyone nearby. Everyone had a good laugh. Dan stopped laughing when he realized his feet were no longer touching the ground. Brian had scooped Dan up into his arms.

“Brian, put me down!” shouted Dan.

“Payback’s a bitch!” yelled Brian as he tossed Dan into the water. At that point, Alex, Johnathan, Rebecca, and Brian all jumped in as well. Laughter filled the air as everyone splashed and attempted to get revenge on each other.

Rebecca swam over to the edge of the pool and flagged down a servant. “You! Bring us the water gloves!” she shouted. The servant gave Rebecca a nod and swiftly went to the shed full of outdoor equipment. The server came back with a few gloves that were somewhat robotic. There was an opening at the palm, where water would shoot out. No one was certain where the inspiration for the device came from. They only knew it had been based on a popular media character from centuries in the past. Dan had a love hate relationship with the water gloves. He loved shooting people, and hated being shot. As he put on the glove he felt the side of his face get hit harshly with water. Turning around he spotted Helen, whom had a smirk on her face. Dan retaliated, and shot her right in between the eyes.

An all-out water war broke out, which last about fifteen minutes before everyone started getting tired. They all remained in the pool to keep cool, but Rebecca had one of her servers bring out floating chairs for everyone. The chairs had cup holders, so those who were of drinking age had martinis. Dan was thankful that drinking age was 18.

Rebecca floated over to Dan and held his free hand. Dan did his best to return the gesture and not protest. His thoughts were interrupted by shouting. Helen had hopped on stage and setting up to sing karaoke. The music was turned up, and everyone cheered louder in response.

Dan’s smile faded. To any observer, his life was beyond perfect. He had friends, a beautiful fiancée, and he didn’t have to have a care in the world. So, why had he been cursed to not be able to love it all? Why was it that he had to care about the servers, and be aware of the wrongness surrounding his home? Most of all, he wondered why he had to be gay.

The pool party lasted long into the night. Alex insisted that they light some fireworks in celebration of Dan and Rebecca’s wedding, as it was only roughly two weeks away. Dan’s heart raced at the mention of it, but he decided to just try to enjoy the rest of the night.

Brian lit some fireworks by the pool. The sparks shot in all directions and reached roughly eight feet high, illuminating the area with purple and blue hues. As Brian was lighting another firework, a brunet named Joseph started to chase him with a sparking wand. Brian faked a cry of help and ran away. He snatched his own sparkler, lit it, and started sword fighting with Joseph.

The surrounding people laughed, including Dan. Dan wasn’t sure why he was so easily enjoying being surrounded by so many people. Normally, he always felt confined and under pressure. He assumed that the constant threats and pent up anxiety were taking their toll, and his mind was actually allowing him to enjoy the company of others for a change.

“Dan!” Rebecca shouted over the music. Dan turned his attention to Rebecca. “Here!” she handed him a white colored sparking wand. “It’s a sparkler that will leave a glow in the air. Look!” Rebecca lit a white sparkler and reached out. She then drew a smiling face in the air. The white, glowing face stayed for several seconds before disappearing.

“What do you want me to do?” asked Dan raising his voice to be heard over the music.

Rebecca lightly guided Dan’s left arm up, and then she raised her right arm. “Start from the top and draw a heart with me!” Dan lit his sparkler. He really couldn’t say no despite feeling awkward. “One, two, three!” Dan and Rebecca moved their arms, creating a half heart shape that met to make a full heart. Rebecca then turned to Dan wrapped her arms around him. She kissed him, happy to know that the heart was above their heads. A few nearby people cheered, making Rebecca blush. Dan pulled away and tried to keep his smile. He felt full of self-hatred. Why couldn’t he just be normal?

***

It was about 2:00 a.m. before Tracey showed up. She didn’t bother checking Dan’s bed; she went straight out to the balcony. Dan was sat waiting for her. “There you are. I was getting worried.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t even sure if I would be requested to check on you tonight. Your mother has been frazzled, and with the party at Rebecca’s she figured that you would sleep through the night, but I insisted.” Tracey bounced in her seat. “Anything with Phil today?”

Dan shook his head, “No, I didn’t even see him today.”

“Boring! Why am I here then?” Tracey was about to get up when Dan grabbed her arm.

“You’re here because I found something,” whispered Dan as he handed Tracey the files.

Tracey read through the information. Dan watched her face for signs. She looked equally intrigued, scared, and hopeful. She handed Dan back the files, “It’s like chasing a fairy tale…”

“But we have a chance! We can escape. We can go to Tuarium where we’ll be safe. We can be free, Tracey. You, me, and…” Dan stopped. He felt strange saying it out loud.

Tracey smiled, “And Phil. Look, Dan, I know you want to help us, but what if there’s nothing out there. Then what can we do?”

“There’s something there,” stated Dan firmly. “They were going to burn this. These men at Becky’s house were going to burn all the information about the wars, and _this_ was in the pile to be destroyed. It may be like chasing a fairy tale, but we have _one_ chance. One. I don’t know about you, but I have to take it. My wedding is in two weeks, and I can’t take it anymore.” Dan felt himself on the brink of tears.

Tracey looked sad and concerned.  Her eyebrows knit as she sighed. “I’ll think about it. And, look, if I decide against it, don’t let that stop you. Get Phil, and get out.”

“I’m not leaving you here! If you don’t go than neither do I.”

“So you’d stay here? Marry that assaulting wench and make Phil stay here?”

Dan was taken aback. “H-how do you know about what happened last night?”

“I came from a pretty rough family. I know the look on someone’s face when they’ve been through that. To be honest I wanted to trip her on her way out your house this morning.”

“But I haven’t seen you all day.”

“When you were talking to your dad last night I was on my way to check on you. I caught a glimpse of you and I knew right away.” Tracey embraced Dan. “No matter what I decide, you have to leave.”

Dan shook his head, “I can’t leave the one true friend I have.”

Tracey pulled away and huffed. “How would we even escape? I mean someone is almost always awake or busy at some point of the night in this place.”

Dan thought for a moment. When would everyone in the community be busy or distracted at the same time? He gasped quietly. “That’s it.” Tracey looked at Dan with hopefulness. “My wedding! Every person in this whole community will be here in my home in either the ballrooms or guest bedrooms. All we’d have to do is walk out!”

“I have to admit that it sounds like a decent plan,” mumbled Tracey. “Again, I’ll think about it. Give me one week, and in the meantime, convince Phil.”

“Alright, you have a deal.”

***

The next day, Dan was trying to figure out how he was going to convince Phil to escape with him and Tracey. He was also trying to figure out how he was even going to run into Phil. It seemed that Phil had just disappeared. Suddenly dread and worry set in for Dan. What if something happened? Had something happened? Where was Phil? Was he okay?

Dan’s head shot up when he heard his door creaking open. As if his prayers had been answered, Phil stepped into the room. Phil closed the door behind him, after pulling in a cart with cleaning supplies, and turned to look at Dan, whom was smiling widely.

“Phil! Oh thank god!” expressed Dan as he walked over to Phil. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do or say. He wanted to hug Phil if he was honest with himself, but he knew he couldn’t. He was just so relieved. “You can talk, don’t worry. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” asked Phil in a dry, neutral tone.

“I don’t know…” said Dan now feeling embarrassed and stupid. “Things haven’t been right lately.”

“Lately?” sassed Phil as he made his way to Dan’s bed. He began pulling all of the sheets off of the bed. “Things haven’t been right for a very long time.”

Dan followed Phil and stood by him, as if trying to show his sincerity. “I know that. I’ve been finding out more about this country and it’s awful. That’s why we…”

Phil turned to look at Dan. His expression was curious yet harsh. “We? What’s this we? Why do you care about me? I’m a damn slave!”

“Listen to me!” exclaimed Dan as he grabbed Phil’s shoulders. Phil flinched and cowered away. Dan was then aware of his intensity. He loosened his grip, but he didn’t move. Lowering his voice, he said, “We have a chance to get out of here.”

“What are you bloody talking about?” questioned Phil in an almost inaudible whisper.

“I found information at Becky’s house that they were going to burn. There’s a sanctuary. It’s called Tuarium. It’s a place for servants that escaped or were kicked to the streets with nowhere to go. We can get out of here.”

“You and me?” Phil looked at Dan as if he was insane. Dan frantically nodded yes. Phil shoved Dan’s arms away and went back to making Dan’s bed, but he moved to the other side. “You’re mad.”

Dan marched back to Phil, now determined. “Phil!” Dan placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder, stopping Phil’s actions and making the server look him in the eye. “I’m not mad. It would be me, you, and Tracey.” Phil looked at Dan with a confused expression. “The redhead.”

“Oh, right. I lose track. I’m too busy remembering the names of the people that can end my life with a snap of their fingers.” Phil shoved Dan away and went back to his work. “Now if you could let me do my work before I’m beheaded by your batshit crazy parents, that would be nice.”

“I know they’re batshit crazy! It seems they’re not the only ones either! Becky’s parents are also hiding something, and the worst part is that no one even knows something is wrong! I was at a pool party yesterday—.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “You make it sound like I care.”

Dan narrowed his eyes, “You know I could have anything I want done to you.”

“But you won’t,” stated Phil firmly. “I don’t know why, but I know you won’t.”

“Anyway—.”

“No, not anyway! I don’t want to hear about your perfect life while I’m stuck here cleaning these sheets, which is disgusting by the way.”

“You think I wanted that!” snapped Dan now getting angry. “I was practically assaulted in those sheets! I didn’t want her to touch me! I didn’t even want her in this room, but between my parents and her not caring, I had to nearly have sex with that woman, and there was no consent, believe me!”

Phil stopped. He looked up at Dan, his expression filled with sorrow. “I…I…”

“Forget it. Just do me a favor and tell the staff I said to burn those sheets.” Dan ordered Phil harshly, but it was only because he was fighting back tears. He stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind him, leaving Phil alone. Phil looked down at the sheets in his hands, and he felt horrible. Hearing Dan speak like that actually hurt him and caused him to feel emotional pain…and that scared him.

***

Dan had spent a few hours out in the garden. He had managed to find a little nook in the garden where he couldn’t be easily seen. He hoped that Rebecca wouldn’t see him; therefore he’d be left alone. His cheeks were stained with dried tears. Reaching into a pond he splashed water on his face, attempting to wash away the sadness and pain.

Dan’s head whipped around when he felt someone touch his shoulder. He sighed in relief when he saw it was just Phil. However, his emotions flared up, and he turned away bitterly. “What?” Phil practically shrunk, but said nothing. “You can fucking talk! For God’s sake just speak when you want to around me. As you clearly stated, I won’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have said those things back there. It’s not like I know you. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

With a sigh, Dan patted the ground next to him, signaling Phil to sit. Phil sat down next to Dan and waited for a response. Dan took a deep breath, calming his nerves. He knew he couldn’t stay angry. “I went to a pool party yesterday, and I noticed that no one seems to have a care in the world.”

“Okay?”

Dan bounced his leg, which was draped over the edge of the pond, trying to figure out how to get his message across. “You look at me, and what do you see?”

“The prince?” Phil was only becoming more confused.

Dan chuckled, “Besides my status. As in, what do you see when you see me on a daily basis?”

“A skin sack of stress and anxiety?”

“Thanks…”

Phil then felt guilty, “You asked—!”

“No, no, you’re right. And that’s the thing. I’m the only one here that is stressed and concerned. What does that tell you?”

“That you’re the _only_ person that knows something’s wrong?”

“Exactly! _Literally_ every other person around my age acts like the freaking stars are aligned. No one shows any signs of being even remotely concerned about anything. I’m in constant fear of my parents and playing into what they need this world to be. Why isn’t anyone else?”

Phil started piecing things together in his mind, which caused his heart beat to quicken. “It’s because no one else _knows_ they’re playing into what the older generation needs this world to be.”

“Right.”

“Okay…” Phil trailed off trying to think of what to say. “So what? What can we do?”

“We get the hell out of here; that’s what we do!” exclaimed Dan as if the answer was obvious. Phil was about to speak, but Dan cut him off, “No, hear me out. My wedding night, every person in the community will be in my home, and they’ll stay there through the night. All we’ll have to do is meet up at one of the more isolated exits, and leave.”

Phil licked his lips unconsciously, pondering the idea. “What if that place…uh…”

“Tuarium.”

“Tuarium. What if that place doesn’t exist anymore?”

“Then we’ll figure something out. It’s better than staying here.”

“For you maybe. You can’t stay here and be used your whole life, but for someone like me, leaving is dangerous.”

“You’re being used too! Don’t you want to be free from this place?”

“Of course I do! I’ve been working as a slave here for _six years_. I want to leave more than anything, but I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.”

“So you’d rather stay here and die a used human being, rather than take a chance at actually getting the hell out of here?”

Phil huffed. “When you put it like that you make me sound insane.”

“There may or may not be a reason for that.” Dan scooted closer to Phil. “Please?” His next instinct was to take Phil’s hand, but he resisted. He didn’t know why he felt the need to be close to Phil. Perhaps it was to show that he was being honest. He wanted Phil to _see._ “Tracey will be on board if you are, and it’s in less than two weeks.”

Phil looked down and stared at his reflection in the pond. All of a sudden he began having flashbacks of his childhood. He remembered shopping with his mother and Martyn. Memories of the few good days played in his mind. He remembered building a fort of snow in the backyard when he was a child. He and Martyn had created a fortress to hide behind while attacking their father, whom played the evil abominable snowman. Mr. Lester had always played the bad guy for Phil and Martyn when they played pretend. Phil missed his father.

Slowly, more memories came to Phil. He recalled the time that he was sick, and Martyn took care of him while their mother was working overtime to earn extra points. Phil had forgotten how much he truly missed Martyn. Then, he realized how hard his mother had taken losing his brother, which is why she worked so hard to keep Phil safe. Phil felt tears pricking at his eyes. His mother had worked so hard just to have Phil taken away only a few years later…just like Martyn. Phil realized that if he had a chance to escape, he owed it to his whole family to take it.

“Okay,” he said.

“Now just—wait,” Dan turned to Phil with a look of shock. “What?”

“Okay. I’ll go. When will we leave?”

Dan had to take a moment to reorganize his thoughts, which had been scrambled by Phil’s unexpected response. “Uh. The ceremony starts at 6:00 p.m. and the reception is at 8:00 p.m.”

“A two hour ceremony?” Phil laughed. “That sucks, mate.”

“You have no idea,” said Dan with a shake of his head. “Though it’s mainly because Rebecca will probably be late, so the actual ceremony will probably be closer to an hour.”

“Still, you have to just stand there and look at her happily waiting to be wedded. That’s a real shitty day.”

“It’s going to be a very shitty day, which is why the second it’s over we’ll leave. The reception starts at 8:00 p.m., and I’ll probably have to stay until at least midnight or 1:00 a.m. I’m going to assume a good time to meet you and Tracey would be around 3:00 a.m., just to be safe.”

“Alright,” Phil tried to imagine the layout of Dan’s home in his mind. “Which exit?”

Dan huffed. “Damn, that’s actually a hard decision. I’m trying to think of which exit would be the safest get away.”

“Oh!” Phil almost jumped, causing Dan to actually jump. “The kitchen exit!” Dan looked confused, making Phil roll his eyes. “In the kitchen there’s a back door where we take out the garbage. We can get out through there. It’s dark, nobody goes out there, and it leads to plenty of back roads that we can use to get the hell out of here without being seen.”

Dan started to smile. “Phil, you’re a genius!” Without thinking he embraced Phil. Phil was stunned for a moment, but he returned the gesture for a moment before pulling away. “Okay, I’ll talk to Tracey tonight and fill her in on everything.”

“Sounds good.” Phil glanced at his watch and his eyes widened. “I have _got_ to go. I’m going to be late to clean the west wing’s toilets.” Phil stood to his feet and straightened his uniform.

Dan stood up as well. “If they ask, just say I asked you to bring me a drink and then sent it back because I changed my mind and wanted something different.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m the prince. They’re not going to get angry with me for wanting the right drink for my hankering.”

“Good point. Okay, let me know tomorrow what we’re going to do for sure.”

“Will do.”

Phil took off jogging towards his destination. Dan plopped back down into a seated position and sighed heavily. He didn’t know how he did it, but he had actually convinced Phil to leave with him and Tracey. Now all he had to do was let Tracey know that everything was set in stone.

***

The entire night passed by, and Tracey never showed up. Dan’s stomach was in knots. He thought he might vomit. Pacing in his room, he was contemplating what to do. It was early morning, which meant his father was probably golfing down the road. Dan decided to just go ask his father what happened to Tracey. All he had to do was make it sound like he was upset that a servant hadn’t done her job.

Dan walked down the road and entered the golf course through a steel gate. The gate moaned loudly, catching a couple of people’s attention. Dan smiled awkwardly and swiftly fled. Eventually he found his father and approached him.

“Daniel,” said Mr. Howell as he swung his club, sending a golf ball flying into the air. “Hook shot. Damn.” He turned to face Dan. “What brings you out here?”

“Um,” Dan could hear his heart beat in his ears. “Normally a servant comes in my room in the middle of the night. Red hair, Tracey, I think, and I was wondering why she didn’t show last night. I usually have her bring me something to drink, since I don’t feel like getting up, and I was just a bit irritated that she never showed.”

Mr. Howell looked Dan dead in the eyes without flinching. Something in Dan’s gut told him that his father wasn’t buying into a single piece of his story.

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” said Mr. Howell with a sigh. “But you’ll have to assign someone else to do that for you from now on.”

Now Dan was certain he was going to hurl. “What? What happened?” he asked trying to sound curious.

“We discovered that she was a…I don’t know what your generation calls it. A dyke?” Mr. Howell rolled his eyes. “Either way. She’s a homosexual, and we don’t take lightly to that kind of sickness. She clearly wasn’t going to do anything to benefit society, and we don’t really need her here. She’s gone.”

Dan’s entire world came crashing down. He knew that almost everything that Mr. Howell had said was a lie. They didn’t get rid of her solely because of her sexuality. Yes, that was part of it, but Dan knew that they were searching for servants left and right, which is why they cut her time short in the first place. They didn’t discard her because she served no purpose. Mr. Howell was sending Dan a very real, very clear message.

“Is something wrong, Daniel?” asked Mr. Howell sounding genuinely concerned.

“Nothing,” replied Dan nonchalantly. “I don’t have a care in the world.”


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Rape is in this chapter, but it is not violent. It takes place about 3/4 in.

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 4:

Dan felt like the world was about to face Armageddon. He looked up and made eye contact with his father. Mr. Howell had a look that sent the same message that he did when he discarded Tracey. Dan’s heart pounded like a drum. Not only was he certain that his father knew, but he was certain that he would be severely punished if anything went wrong during the wedding.

“Up for a game?” asked Mr. Howell in a light, friendly tone.

“No, thank you,” replied Dan. “I have a rehearsal later today, so I need to go get ready.”

Mr. Howell smiled, “I’m glad that you have your priorities set straight.”

Dan nodded his head and quickly walked away. As he walked, he found it hard to keep himself standing up straight. He felt woozy. The world seemed to be spinning. Dan noticed the effects were similar to being drunk. He closed his eyes and marched forward, holding his hand out to feel for the gate. Once his hand felt the brush of metal, he clasped his grip around it and shifted his weight to lean against the gate for support. He breathed heavily as if catching his breath. Knowing that he was out of his father’s sight, he slowly fell to the ground and sat down.

Dan leaned his head back trying to avoid looking at the grass that seemed to swirl. His forehead was coated in a light sweat. He could almost feel the blood draining from his face. Leaning to his left, he began to vomit. The action didn’t stop until he was dry-heaving and clutching the gate for support. Pulling himself up, he opened the gate and quickly left before anyone could see him.

After making it home, Dan stumbled almost all the way to his room. He walked in and spotted a servant in his closet. Making his way over, he sat down and tried to calm down in fear of getting sick again. The servant looked familiar to him, but her name escaped his mind.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” he asked.

“Ashley,” she replied.

Dan then remembered the day he was introduced formally to Ashley and Tracey. “Right, thank you.”

Ashley spent a little over an hour getting Dan ready for the day. At one point, the room was getting too hot for her taste, and she pushed her sleeves up. Dan glanced over and he noticed several horizontal scars aligning her arms.

“What are those?” asked Dan gesturing to Ashley’s arms.

Ashley followed Dan’s eyes and was automatically ashamed. She pulled her sleeves down. “You’ve never seen scars before?”

Dan shook his head. “No. Technology has perfected keeping your skin clear with different methods. No one has any blemishes.”

“Maybe not in your world. In my world, where no one cares, I have nothing. This is a good way to distract,” mumbled Ashley feeling uneasy having to explain her skin’s imperfections.

“I don’t understand. Why do you have them?”

Ashley contemplated telling the truth. She remembered Tracey telling her that Dan was a good person; maybe she could finally be honest with someone. “Serving here is horrible. I was ripped away from my friends and family, and I’ll never see them again. That tends to take a toll on a person. Sometimes when I work in the kitchen, I’m able to get in a few cuts. The physical pain helps distract from the emotional and mental pain.”

Dan didn’t know how to react to this information. “So you hurt yourself…because you’re in so much pain emotionally that you feel like you can’t take it?”

Ashley nodded her head yes as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. It dawned upon her that possibly even the prince was struggling with things, and that he too was looking for an outlet. “I don’t recommend trying it, if that’s what you’re thinking. You can’t stop.” Ashley finished tying Dan’s tie, and she stepped back. “You’re ready to go your highness. The rehearsal begins in 30 minutes.”

“Thank you, Ashley. You’re excused,” said Dan trying to smile.

“Be careful,” whispered Ashley as she left.

Dan stepped out into his room, locked his bedroom door, and started to lightly shake. He was flooded with terror. Tears pricked at his eyes, so he shut his eyes tightly, attempting to stop. He pressed his forehead to the door along with palms, trying to hold himself together. Everything was coming at him at once. Tracey was gone. His first real friend was gone, and he felt like it was his fault. If he hadn’t been cursed to be different than everyone else, his father wouldn’t have gotten rid of her as a threat.

Dan started thinking about Phil. What if something happened to Phil as a final threat before the wedding?  Dan knew his world would shatter if something happened to Phil. He sank down to his knees, still keeping his forehead and palms pressed to the wood. He felt his body shaking worse. What if Phil was already gone and he didn’t even know it? What if his father found out about their plan and did something to Phil as punishment?

Everything that happened with Rebecca flashed in Dan’s mind. He started remembering how violated and disgusted he felt. Realization set in that if he didn’t get away, things between him and Rebecca would be forced to go as far as possible. He wouldn’t have a choice, no matter how awful it made him feel.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit things, throw things, but all he did was finally break down and cry. As he started to weep, he rolled up his sleeve and dug his nails into the skin on his left arm. His shoulders shook violently as he started to hyperventilate. Struggling to breathe, all he could focus on was digging his nails further into his skin until the skin eventually broke. Blood started to drip down his arm; he had given himself four small puncture wounds.

Getting up, he stumbled to the sink to wash his arm. After cleansing his wound, he found a first aid kit under the sink. He was thankful that despite technology, some old medical ways still existed for emergencies. He did his best to bandage his arm and hide it underneath his tuxedo sleeve. Looking up, he caught sight of his reflection. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were colored from crying as well, and he was aware of the puncture wounds on his arm. All he could see was a broken version of who he was once was.

Dan went into his closet and sifted through makeup until he found the concealer. He did his best to hide the redness of his eyes, and luckily his cheeks naturally returned to a normal color. Just as he finished applying the makeup, there was a knock at his door. He walked over and opened the door to see his mother.

“Daniel, I was just coming to get you for the rehearsal. Are you ready?” asked Mrs. Howell in a very chipper voice.

“Yes, let’s go,” said Dan with the most forced smile that had ever appeared on his face.

***

After the wedding rehearsal came to a close, Rebecca harped about needing lunch, and asked Dan if they could eat together in the dining room. The last thing Dan wanted was to spend time with Rebecca, but he knew he was in no position to argue. He needed to make sure Phil was safe…

Dan walked with Rebecca to the dining room. He took the long way through the house, insisting that he wanted to hold her hand longer, when really he needed to look out for Phil. His eyes shifted constantly, desperate to find the familiar black hair and blue eyes that seemed to control his life now. Eventually, Dan and Rebecca reached the dining room. With no sign of Phil, Dan sat down very distraught, and Rebecca noticed.

“Dan, sweetie, are you alright?” she asked in her gentlest voice. Dan’s attention snapped back to Rebecca and he immediately made sure he was smiling.

“Yes, love, I’ve just got a lot going on is all,” he replied doing his best to seem genuine. “My parents are stressed, so I’m stressed. We’re having the entire community stay in this place during the wedding. It’s taking a lot of preparation.”

Rebecca reached across the table and took Dan’s right hand into her own. “I understand. You’re welcome to come to my home whenever you’d like, dearest. I know sometimes you need to get away from it all.”

“Thank you.” Dan withdrew his hand, pretending to need a drink of water. His mind shifted back to worrying about Phil. How was going to find out if Phil was okay? He realized he might have to search the entire estate. Then, two servers walked in carrying trays of food, and one had raven black hair and bright blue eyes. Dan’s entire being lit up. His face actually acquired dimples because of widely he was smiling.

“Hungry?” asked Rebecca with a laugh. “You seem awfully happy now.”

Dan suddenly realized what he had done, and he turned back to Rebecca and did what he could to keep his current facial expression. “It’s just realizing that everything is right around the corner. I can’t wait to be with you.” The words were vile in his mouth. He grabbed a final glance at Phil before Phil left the room, and he was able to relax at last. Phil was okay. He was doing his basic routine. He was safe.

Dan then came to a conclusion, that despite his soul’s loudest protests, he decided his best option was to avoid Phil at all costs. If his father so much as had a negative thought about Phil, everything could fall apart.

***

Avoiding Phil was killing Dan emotionally. He wanted nothing more than to talk with Phil. He wanted to warn Phil to be extra careful about everything, but at the end of the day, Dan knew that he and Phil were both better off staying apart until it was time to run. Every time Phil was near, Dan simply exchanged a polite hello and left it at that. Dan felt extremely guilty. His biggest fear was that Phil would think that Dan was abandoning him and the whole plan. Dan had no idea that his fear was correct.

The day of the wedding eventually came. Dan was being served breakfast in the dining room, but only his mother was with him. His father was being checking last minute preparations with Rebecca’s family.

Mrs. Howell was mumbling mental notes out loud as she and Dan ate their meal. “And all the bride’s maids and maid of honor will be arriving shortly to start getting ready. Oh, Daniel!”

Dan’s head shot up, “Yes?” he asked worried that he missed something important.

“Your best men are all arriving later this afternoon, don’t forget.”

“I won’t forget.”

Mrs. Howell huffed, “Oh I do wish you had been able to settle on one best man. It would have made things easier.”

Dan shrugged, “Sorry, mother; I just couldn’t choose.” Dan had convinced his parents that he simply couldn’t pick one close friend to be his best man, when the truth was he didn’t feel close enough with anyone to be comfortable with calling them his best man. No one was close to him, and he wasn’t close to anyone. Of course his parents had no idea. Dan assumed they didn’t care enough to see.

“I know. You have too many wonderful friends to choose from. Remind me who will be arriving.”

“Joseph, Brian, and Johnathan,” answered Dan. Those men were the closest thing Dan had to good guy friends. “They’re mainly going to help me keep calm and make sure I don’t walk out there with anything untucked.”

Mrs. Howell smiled, “Are you excited, dear?” she asked.

Dan smiled back, “I’m very excited,” he lied.

After breakfast, Dan started to make his way back to his room. Thoughts scrambled in his mind as he walked. He played the plan in his mind over and over. All he had to do was slip away around 2:45 a.m. to be able to meet Phil by 3:00 a.m. in the kitchen. Everything was going to be fine. All he had to do was keep away from Rebecca long enough to run for it. It was going to be—.

Dan stopped dead in his tracks. As he approached his room, he not only found that the doors were open, but there were servants inside. Three servants were working on his bed. One was changing the sheets; the other two were hanging a material to drape over the bed. Dan recognized the material right away. It was a cover that would allow anyone inside to see the outside, but anyone on the outside would not be able to see inside, much like a double mirror.

Dan’s breathing became sharp and quick. He wasn’t going to be spending much time at the wedding reception. It was clear as a bell. He was going to have dinner, participate in regular wedding traditions, spend some time with the family, and then finally he would come back to his room with Rebecca.

To test the cover, one servant climbed inside, and another confirmed they couldn’t see anything. Dan’s heart no longer felt like it was pounding; it felt like it had stopped. Dan bolted down the hall and made a sharp right, fleeing to a toilet and closing the door. He immediately became sick and threw up everything he had eaten.

After Dan was finished vomiting, he started looking through drawers for something sharp. He couldn’t find anything sharp enough in the bathroom, so he started to make his way back to his room. When he arrived he saw that the servants were gone. He closed and locked the door. Looking behind, his eyes landed on the new linens on his bed, and he began to feel sick again. He would have thrown up, but there was nothing in his stomach. His face became pale and he stumbled.

Dan rapidly shuffled through drawers looking for something, anything he could cut himself with. Eventually, he found an old letter opener. He went to the bathroom and locked the door. For a moment, he became afraid. Then, he shut his eyes tightly and sliced at his wrist. He cried out, and then covered his mouth to muffle the sounds of pain. Holding his arm over the sink, he winced as blood dripped into the drain. He felt like he could cry with how much the cut stung his entire arm. It hurt so much. It…was all he could focus on. Suddenly what Ashley said made sense. All he could think about was the sting and the blood. Nothing else could enter his mind.

With a quick swipe, he slit his other wrist. He had to cover his mouth again, this time it hurt worse. He held both wrists out, and let his blood drain for a moment. Reaching down under the sink, he pulled out the first aid kit and started bandaging his wrists. After his arms were wrapped, he sank down to a seated position and curled up. He shut his eyes and let his mind focus on the pain. Tears rolled down his cheeks involuntarily. His breathing became rapid, and he eventually started to hiccup. He felt sick to his stomach trying to hold back how much his body wanted to weep. Bringing his hands up, he held his head, as if trying to block out the world. His body began to shake violently.

All he wanted to do was scream. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs and let it all out, but he knew he couldn’t. Slowly, he did his best to take deep breaths and calm down. He peeled the bandages off of his arms and discarded them in the trash. Luckily, the trash was a small incinerator, so there would be no evidence of what he had done. Looking down at his arms, he saw that the bleeding had stopped, and he now had two long cuts along his arm that were one scratch away from spilling blood again. Carefully, he rolled his sleeves down over his cuts. His eyes found their way to the fire. He watched as the flames burned the bandages, burned his blood that he had let spill.

***

It was nearing 1:00 p.m. and Dan was about to start getting ready. Before his stylists and best men could arrive, he went into his closet and pulled out the white shirt he knew he’d being wearing with his tuxedo. Quickly, he put on the shirt and buttoned the sleeves. He didn’t want anyone to see his fresh wounds.

Dan was just in time; when he stepped out of his closet and into his room, his door opened. Joseph, Brian, and Johnathan walked in with loud hellos and congratulations.

“Dude! Today’s the day,” said Joseph. He ran his fingers through his light brown hair. “I can’t believe it. It seems like just yesterday your family announced the engagement.”

Brian stepped forward and ruffled Dan’s hair. “Howell’s getting hitched!”

“Yes,” said Dan with a small laugh. “You’ve been aware of this for several months.”

“Doesn’t matter, our young ‘highness’ is actually getting married. It’s been a long time since there’s a ben a royal wedding.”

“It’s been over 30 years,” observed Johnathan.

Brian, Joseph, and Johnathan stayed with Dan while he was dressed up by his stylists. Johnathan told Dan that he was going to love being married, and Brian told him he was going to really enjoy other aspects of it. Dan couldn’t help but to feel awkward and guilty. He felt guilty because by morning these guys would never see him again, and they would never know why. Doing his best to smile, he pretended to be excited. After all, just on the other side of his estate, he knew Rebecca was with her bride’s maids and maid of honor. He knew she was excitedly getting ready. He knew she actually wanted the wedding. However, he had no idea that Rebecca wanted the wedding for the all the wrong reasons.

***

Rebecca was in the process of getting ready with her closest friends. Helen, Maria, and Jessica were her bride’s maids, and Alex was her maid of honor. At the moment, she was alone in the room with Alex. The two were chatting the time away as Rebecca practiced walking in her dress and heels.

The dress was a work of art. It was daisy white and slim fitting. The fabric clung closely to her shape only to flow once it was nearing her ankles. The cut of the neck was a sweetheart shape, further enhancing her figure. Extremely small, but _pure_ diamonds wrapped around the waist of the dress. The back to the dress was open down to her lower back, but it was coated in a see through fabric.

Rebecca’s hair had been styled to where the part of her hair that was up had braids, and part of it was tied in the shape of a bow; the rest of her hair flowed down her back in perfect waves.

Alex took Rebecca’s veil and placed the crown of it on her head very gently. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you, Alex,” Rebecca beamed. “Tonight is going to be perfect.”

Alex smiled softly, “You’re marrying your love. It’s wonderful.” Rebecca stifled a laugh, and Alex’s expression dropped. “What’s so funny?”

“Alex, you’re my best friend, which is why you’re my maid of honor. Can you keep a secret?” asked Rebecca in a whisper. Alex nodded her head yes and leaned in close to whisper. “I don’t love Dan.”

Alex jerked away in shock. “What? But I thought—!”

“Everyone, _everyone_ thinks I love Dan. Dan even thinks I love him. That’s how it has to be. I’m just sweet innocent Becky to everyone,” she stated sweetly. She giggled. “No one knows the real agenda here.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex felt her heart beating faster. What was going on? This wasn’t Rebecca.

Rebecca approached the mirror and adjusted her crown with a smug look plastered on her lips. “I could care less about Dan personally. All I care about is marrying the prince and becoming queen. Once that’s done, all that’s left is to discredit the Howell family, and my family can finally take our rightful place in this country.”

“What?” Alex’s eyes widened and she clasped her hand over her mouth. She moved her hand just enough to speak. “How are you going to discredit them? Their family has been ruling the country since it was created.”

“Easy,” Rebecca turned away from the mirror to face Alex. “All I have to do is reveal their son is a fag. You should have seen him when I made him start to get intimate.”

Now Alex was starting to feel resentful. Dan was her friend too. “If you don’t love him why were you pushing that?”

“I was hoping I could get knocked up before the wedding to speed up the process, but he wasn’t having it. It was pathetic really. He almost squirmed when I touched him.” Rebecca applied some lipstick and made a “pop” sound with her mouth before continuing. “That’s how I know he’s gay; it sure as hell doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Then how do you plan to get pregnant when he’s putting off sleeping with you?”

Rebecca smirked, “Oh, he won’t get to put it off any longer. I had a little talk with his daddy. It’s going to be simple. Step one is marry Dan and become queen, step two is to get pregnant with the future ruler of this country, step three is to reveal Dan is homo and discredit the Howell family, and the fourth and final step is for my family to take our place as the new royal family.”

Alex was in shock. Her and Rebecca had been friends since they were kids. She wondered if she even knew who Rebecca was. Clearly she didn’t. There Rebecca was, joyfully adjusting her dress and flaunting in front of the mirror…planning the Howell family’s downfall. Alex didn’t know what to do. Her and Dan were never close, but he was always kind to her. What could she do? Should she warn him? How could she, and when could she?

There was a knock at the door, and Alex answered it. It was Mrs. Howell. “Ladies, it’s time. The bride’s maids are waiting in their places.” Alex’s heart dropped into her stomach. Now she truly had no chance. It was too late.

***

Dan’s stomach was in knots. The room was filled with people chatting amongst themselves waiting for the bride, his bride. Without warning, the music started, and everyone turned in their seats to look. Dan looked up and saw Rebecca begin to walk towards him on her father’s arm. She was so beautiful, and he felt nothing. More than anything, he felt dread for the hours to come. If he didn’t wiggle around just right, he’d end up in his room with her, and then he’d have no choice.

Eventually, Rebecca made her way to Dan, and her father gave her away. Dan shook hands with Mr. Williams, and then turned to Rebecca. He didn’t know what to do. He felt sick and scared, and he couldn’t bring himself to look happy. Then, he remembered earlier in the day when he had seen Phil. He imagined Phil for just a moment, and immediately he smiled.

“Please join hands,” said the priest. Dan and Rebecca took each other’s hands gently. “We are gathered here to celebrate the unison of the Howell family and the Williams family through Daniel Howell and Rebecca Williams.”

The ceremony was long, and Dan tuned most of it out. He kept his mind on Phil and escaping, that way he appeared happy. Suddenly it entered his mind that he hadn’t seen Phil since the morning, and he wondered where the man was. He pushed it out of his mind. _Don’t worry._ He thought. He knew all he had to do was find Phil in the kitchen around 3:00 a.m., they’d leave out the back, and no one would ever know they’d left.

“Daniel, please repeat after me,” said the priest. Dan snapped out of his train of thought and turned his attention back to his wedding. “I, Daniel Howell,” he began.

“I, Daniel Howell,” repeated Dan.

“Take thee, Rebecca Williams.”

“Take thee, Rebecca Williams.”

“To be my lawfully wedded wife.”

“To be my lawfully wedded wife.” The words felt like poison in his mouth.

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse.”

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse,” Dan felt the knot in his stomach growing. Lies. It was all a lie.

“For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.”

“For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.”

“Till death do us part.”

“Till death do us part,” Dan couldn’t help but to think of how no one knew that do us part would only last until he left.

“According to God’s holy ordinance, I pledge myself to thee.”

“According to God’s holy ordinance, I pledge myself to thee.”

The priest smiled, “Rebecca, please repeat after me.” Rebecca repeated the same vows as Dan. She smiled, knowing that only Alex knew the real reason behind her gleefulness at the wedding. “May we have the rings?”

The rings were brought to Dan and Rebecca, and they placed the rings on each other’s ring fingers.

“Daniel Howell and Rebecca Williams are now husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,” said the priest as he took a step back.

Rebecca practically jumped into Dan’s arms as she crashed her lips onto his. Dan wrapped his arms around and pulled her close, putting on another show for all to see. Rebecca pulled away and hugged Dan. She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled in what no one knew was her most devious expression. _Finally._

***

The event was taken to a large ballroom in the Howell estate, and the reception began. Dinner was served first, which was being distributed by servers as people got to their assigned seats. Dan and Rebecca were with their family, the best men, and the bride’s maid and maid of honor. It was the largest table in the middle of the room.

Mr. Howell stood to his feet and tapped his wine glass, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room. “Ladies, gentlemen, I just want to start by thanking you for being here today. This evening, we’re celebrating two wonderful events, one being my son’s wedding, obviously, but let us not forget that it is also Daniel’s 21st birthday.”

Everyone applauded and began to sing happy birthday to Dan, whom blushed and smiled awkwardly. He had completely forgotten that it was it his birthday. Between the stress and the wedding itself, he had lost track of everything else in his life.

Once everyone was done singing, the rest of the speeches began. Many of Dan and Rebecca’s friends gave small speeches, but the biggest ones were from their parents. Mr. Howell gave his speech last.

“I can’t begin to express how proud I am of my son,” he began. “He’s not only taken responsibility for caring for Rebecca, but he has taken responsibility for this country. I proud not only as a king, but as a father, father-in-law, and husband. My family is wonderful and I am truly blessed. I am happy to pass on my crown to Daniel, my wonderful son.” Mr. Howell turned to Dan. “Daniel, I wish you and Rebecca happiness. I know that Pacis is in good hands.”

Everyone clapped and cheered, and Dan stood up to embrace his father. Then, he hugged his mother. As he wrapped himself around his parents in a loving gesture, it suddenly weighed heavily on his heart that he might not see them again. Knowing he wouldn’t see his father didn’t hurt him as much as knowing he wouldn’t see his mother. Mrs. Howell was always caring, and Dan knew she meant well. A tear slipped down Dan’s cheek, which his mother wiped away.

Mrs. Howell gestured for Dan to come close to listen to her. Dan leaned forward towards his mother. With tears in her eyes, she whispered to him, “Don’t forget it’s your life. Do what makes you happy.” Dan smiled and nodded his head as he pulled away. He knew his mother certainly didn’t mean “Yes, run away with the servant boy and never return,” but it was the right set of words to give him the push he needed.

***

The night was starting to come to a close, which made Dan extremely nervous. He and Rebecca had shoved cake in each other’s faces, danced to their first song as husband as wife, Dan took off her guarder and threw it—Joseph caught it—Rebecca had thrown her bouquet—Jessica caught it—and now everyone was either dancing or nibbling at the remains of their meals. Dan glanced at the clock. 1:56 a.m. His heart raced. He knew there wasn’t much time left before he’d have to take Rebecca back to his room. He needed to leave.

“Dan,” said Rebecca sweetly. Dan’s stomach churned hearing her speak up. Oh no, he was too late. “Let’s head to bed, sweetie.” Now Dan was certain he was going to lose his dinner.

“Um, I need to use the toilet, love, I’ll meet you there,” he said as he tried to walk away, but Rebecca’s grip on his hand tightened so much it almost hurt.

“There’s one in your room, silly,” she giggled. “Come on, before we have to dance again or something.” Rebecca began to practically drag Dan back to his room. Dan’s mind was scrambled. He couldn’t think straight being so panicked. What could he do? He had no way out.

Rebecca walked with Dan into his room. Dan’s eyes landed on his bed and he started to taste sour in his mouth.

“I’ll be back,” he said as he practically ran to the toilet. He closed the door and locked it. Pressing his back to the door, he started taking deep breaths. He needed a plan; he needed something. It dawned upon him that there was only one way he was getting out of his room. He felt like he could cry. He didn’t want to do it. Just the thought made him feel sick, but he knew he was out of options.

Dan slowly opened the door. He looked over to his bed and saw Rebecca sitting on it. She had ridded herself of her wedding dress. All she had on was a white lace bra and matching panties. Dan’s eyes widened. Dammit. He had the tiniest sliver of hope that he could leave, but now that hope was gone. He made his way over to Rebecca. Rebecca stood up and started taking off Dan’s tuxedo. Dan leaned down and kissed her. At his point he was contemplating putting a pillow over her face until she passed out.

Everything seemed to go by so fast. Before Dan knew it, Rebecca had climbed on top of him, and he had never felt so trapped. He hated that Rebecca had manipulated his body into cooperation, when having sex with her was the last thing he wanted. Desperately, he tried thinking of a way out of the situation, but Rebecca was keeping a firm grip on his wrists, and something told him that even though he was stronger than her, she had her ways of making sure he stayed put.

As if Rebecca read his mind, she leaned down and whispered, “Leave and I’ll be telling daddy that you’re a fag before you can get out of the house.” Dan didn’t look Rebecca in the eye after that. He simply nodded and let her do what she needed to.

Rebecca took charge almost immediately, which made things better yet worse. Dan’s thoughts were elsewhere, desperately trying to blank out what was happening. He did his best to play the role, making pleasured sounds and holding onto her, because he knew that if he didn’t, she would still do something to ruin him. He couldn’t believe that the girl that had been his friend since they were children had grown into a monster that would do this to him.

Finally, everything stopped. Rebecca climbed off of Dan and cuddled up to him as she laced their fingers together. Dan wanted to shove her away. He wanted to throw her off and scream at her. However, all he did was turn his head away carefully, and he stared ahead, doing his best to keep an emotionless expression. He knew that if he gave into how upset he was even slightly, he’d burst into tears.

It wasn’t long before Rebecca fell asleep. Dan carefully maneuvered away from her, and then he waited. When she didn’t wake up, he climbed out of the bed and went to his closet to get dressed. After dressing himself in comfortable, dark clothes, he grabbed an empty bag and started putting clothes in it. He wasn’t taking much with him, just some extra clothes, and the information about Tuarium. Swinging the bag over his left shoulder, he peeked out from his closet and looked towards his bed. That’s when he remembered the pesky drape.

Dan walked over and just barely moved the cover. Rebecca was sound asleep. Dan moved his hand, letting the cover fall and conceal Rebecca. Dan was glad it would be the last time he’d ever see her. He double knotted a pair of shoes, took one last look around his room, and left without another thought of what remained.

Carefully, Dan made his way to the kitchen. “Phil,” he whispered to where his voice was almost inaudible. “Phil?” Where was Phil? _Shit!_ Dan realized Phil might be stuck serving people that were still awake. He glanced down at his watch. It was 3:47 a.m. His heart pounded hard in his chest. What was he going to do? He closed his eyes and tried his hardest to recall any information about the servants that he knew. Then it hit him. There were quarters of his estate where all the servers slept. If he checked there, he might find Phil. Maybe Phil got hung up and couldn’t leave without tipping anyone off.

Dan took all the darkest and quietest hallways trying to get to the servants quarters. He found his way, and his heart dropped. There were at least ten different rooms. How was he going to find Phil without waking anyone? Then, he felt something touch his shoulder. He whipped around, trying not to shout in surprise and fear. He heaved a deep breath when he saw it was Phil. For a moment, he didn’t recognize Phil. Phil was no longer in his uniform. He was wearing a blue shirt with multiple tears, and grey sweats.

“You gave me a heart attack!” he harshly whispered.

Phil rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here?” he asked in an extremely quiet voice.

Dan looked at Phil with a confused expression. “We’re leaving, remember?”

“I thought that plan was over. Considering you’ve avoided me ever since we made the plan, I figured you changed your mind,” Phil crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, as if trying to figure out what Dan was up to.

Dan didn’t know whether to be upset or angry. How could Phil think so lowly of him? “I avoided you to keep you safe!”

“Me safe, or you safe?” accused Phil harshly.

Now Dan was angry, “Tracey is _dead_ because she was associated with our idea! I was protecting _you_! Not me! If I was protecting myself, I would have left you here and escaped in the dead of night before I had to let that wench crawl on me!” Dan yelled the best he could in a quiet tone as tears pricked at his eyes.

A huge wave of guilt and regret washed over Phil. “I’m sorry…”

Dan wiped at his eyes and sniffed. “Forget it. Are you coming or not?” Phil nodded his head yes. “Then let’s go. Get some shoes.” Phil bolted into his room, slipped on a pair of shoes that he could just stuff his feet into, and then ran back out to Dan in the hallway. “Come on. Once we get to the kitchen, you’ll have to show me the way. I don’t know where the back exit is.” Phil agreed and followed Dan down the dark corridors.

Dan and Phil walked through the halls in the maze that was Dan’s home. Soon, voices could be heard, and Dan knew they were nearing areas that guests were staying. Dan did his best to take them through areas that no one would think to go through or could even find to begin with. Eventually, they got to kitchen.

“We should put some food in my bag,” whispered Dan.

“Good idea,” whispered Phil in response. Phil knew where the food was, so he grabbed as much that would fit in Dan’s bag, stuffed it in, and zipped up the zipper. “The back exit is this way.” Phil stepped in front of Dan and led the way. Once they reached the back exit, they looked around, making sure they weren’t followed, and then stepped outside. Phil carefully closed the door and stepped away. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. Running away with the prince? He felt completely mad.

“Okay,” started Dan bringing his tone to a normal volume, just slightly quieter. “The exit is a bit of a ways from here, but if we at least walk fast, it shouldn’t take long. Literally no one is out right now. Everyone is in my house.”

“You call this a house?” asked Phil in a lightly snarky tone.

Dan shot him a look and started walking, “Just walk.”

Dan and Phil walked side by side down the road. The only thing they had to light their way was a flashlight that Dan had grabbed from a storage closet on their way out. Phil was reminded of how it used to be when he lived with his family. Often, he and Martyn would walk home together to be safe, with only a small light to guide their way.

Dan started thinking more about what he was currently doing. What was he doing? How was he going to get himself and Phil to Tuarium? How was he going to find it? Did it still exist? What if it didn’t? What was it like…out there? He had no idea what was beyond the walls that surrounded his community. Fear started growing inside him, and he stopped walking.

“What?” asked Phil as he stopped as well. “What is it?”

“What’s it like?”

Phil raised an eyebrow, “What’s it like…?”

“Out there,” said Dan with fear in his voice. “Outside the walls. I don’t know anything.”

Phil laughed, but it was condescending. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. It’s _hell_ out there. The only reason I’m even going with you is because I have the smallest chance at finding my mother and seeing her again. You’re in for one hell of a wakeup call.” Phil started walking again, and Dan followed with his head down. Dan felt scared and confused.

After a while, Dan and Phil reached the exit. The community walls stopped on both ends, and there was a large gate. Dan knew they couldn’t open it without setting something off, but the bars were separate enough that men as thin as himself and Phil were just _barely_ able to squeeze through. Dan took several steps back and stared at the place that was his home. Quickly, it didn’t feel like home anymore.

“Are you ready?” asked Phil.

Dan stared ahead. He stared at the building that was his family’s estate. Looking up, he was able to see the balcony he and Tracey used to go to, to speak. His eyes landed on the window that would lead him to the girl that had forced herself on him. Through that room would lead him to the family that didn’t care enough to see his pain. His father, whom threatened him and killed people close to him, was right through those doors.

“Dan?” Phil spoke up, wondering if Dan was alright.

Dan swallowed, and then huffed, letting all his emotions drain from his body. “Let’s go.” Turning around, he began to walk away with Phil, and he never looked back.


	6. Chapter 5

Forgive me

 

  
Chapter 5:

The moon shined down on two very different people that happened to be on the same journey. Dan and Phil were walking down eerily empty roads in the dead of the night. It was a long, back road with nothing surrounding it but flora and fauna. It was the road leading to Dan’s previous home, so it was decently kept. However, Dan had no idea that after a while the road’s cleanliness would fizzle out into a broken dirt path leading to buildings that were falling apart at the seams.

On foot, it was going to take a while to get off the road and into any neighborhoods. Dan and Phil hadn’t said a word since they stepped out of the community. It was a painfully awkward silence, but neither of them knew what to say.

After a while, Dan broke the quiet. “Phil, thank you.”

“For what?” asked Phil whom was surprised that Dan had spoken up.

“You were really brave back there. We could have gotten caught at any time getting around my home. I never would have been able to leave without someone.” Dan rubbed the back of his neck. He felt awkward and vulnerable, but for some reason, it wasn’t so bad since it was with Phil.

Phil managed a very small smile. “I guess you’re welcome.” His smile faded. “It’s going to get rough. We’ll be in hiding, and I have no idea how I’m going to tell my mother that she’ll only ever see me again one last time.”

“She can always come with us. You know, to Tuarium,” suggested Dan.

“No,” mumbled Phil whilst lightly shaking his head. “She won’t want to chase a fairytale. It’s just us.”

Dan felt his heart sink. Even if he had gotten Phil out of his slavery, he could never reunite Phil and his family. “Maybe she will.”

Phil shrugged, and his verbal replies stopped. Dan wanted to keep talking, it was more comfortable. Though, he quickly caught on that Phil was probably done speaking, so he decided to stay quiet.

About an hour passed before either of the boys spoke again. Phil was the one who decided to speak.

“We should find somewhere to get some sleep. We’re going to want to be alert once we reach the city,” he said. Dan agreed and he followed Phil off the road and into the grassy fields. It wasn’t exactly a wild area, but it was dark, and Dan and Phil had no idea what was out there. Dan assumed it couldn’t be too bad since they were still relatively close to his community.

“I’ll take first watch,” said Dan as he sat down and shook his bag off of his shoulder.

Phil lay down in the grass and used his arms as a pillow. “Wake me when you need some rest.” Normally he would have been more comfortable taking the first watch, but he was exhausted from his day of running around like a chicken doing various tasks, and he definitely didn’t feel like arguing. Closing his eyes, he did his best to drift to sleep.

It wasn’t long before Phil fell asleep. Dan could hear a faint snore coming from Phil. He sat by Phil and hugged his legs close to his chest. Everything that happened started attacking him at once. Without warning, everything his father had said about Tracey echoed in his mind.

_She was a dyke_

_Useless to society_

_She’s gone_

Dan felt tears start to build in his eyes, threatening to spill. Everything he had been put through with Rebecca started playing mercilessly in his ears despite his best efforts to black out the event. The memory was too fresh to completely neglect. He could hear her voice, and remembered how she felt on his skin. He twitched in his seated position, shaking his arms slightly, and shut his eyes tightly, trying to make it all stop. He felt appalled, nauseated, and repulsed. The last thing he wanted was to recall how she had felt to the touch.

Without thinking, Dan rolled up his sleeve and started digging his nails into his skin. He took deep breaths and tried to focus on how much his arm hurt. It wasn’t enough. He could still hear her. Digging his nails in harder, he eventually cried out when he broke the skin.

Phil jerked awake from hearing Dan. “What? What is it?” he asked in a panicked daze.

“N-nothing!” exclaimed Dan. “Go back to sleep.”

Phil didn’t listen, and he grabbed the flashlight and shined in on Dan. Dan winced from the light in his eyes, but what hurt more were the puncture wounds aligning his arm. Phil clasped his hand over his mouth when he noticed the blood dripping down Dan’s arm.

“What happened?” he asked with fear in his voice. Had something attacked?

Dan looked away in shame, “Nothing like I said. Just ignore me. Sleep.”

Once again, Phil didn’t care what Dan had to say. Roughly, Phil moved Dan’s hand and was able to see the wounds. It didn’t take him long to put together that Dan’s injury was from his own doing. Suddenly, he was overcome with worry and guilt. What had Dan really been through back home?

“Dan…” Phil wished he could stop the bleeding. Then, he reached down and tore his pant leg. He started dabbing up the blood off Dan’s arm. “Well, maybe people will think you killed someone and leave us alone.” He managed a small laugh. Dan exhaled loudly through his nose. It was almost a laugh. “What happened? Why did you do this?”

“I…” Dan didn’t know what to say. He winced as Phil applied pressure to his wounds, but he did his best not to complain. After all, Phil didn’t have to be helping him at all. “I just started thinking about Tracey, and then I started remembering what I had to do with Rebecca earlier, and I just…I couldn’t take it.”

Phil looked up at Dan with sad eyes. “Dan, what happened? Both of those things, I don’t fully understand what you mean.”

Dan sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. He didn’t know if he was comfortable telling Phil what had happened, but he realized that if anyone understood pain, it was Phil. Dan swallowed, and then began his explanation. “Tracey was taken away. I’m guessing she was killed. My father said that he found out she was a lesbian, and he got rid of her.”

“That’s horrible!” exclaimed Phil as he tightened his grip on Dan’s arm. Dan whined from the pain, and Phil immediately loosened his hand’s tightness. “Sorry… Continue?”

“My father was…” Dan paused. How could he explain to Phil that it was a warning without making Phil think that he had emotions? He didn’t have any emotions. He just…wanted to help someone in need. “My father was sending me a warning. He knew I didn’t want to marry Rebecca, and he probably thought I’m gay or something. So, naturally, the responsible parent thing to do was kill the poor girl.” Dan blinked out tears as he finished telling Phil Tracey’s tragic story.

Phil finished wiping away the blood, but he kept the pressure to Dan’s arm. He needed the bleeding to actually stop. “That’s horrid and inhumane… I never really knew Tracey. She spoke with me a few times.” Phil’s statement made Dan’s heart slam against his chest. “But I never got to know her. Despite that, she seemed like a good person. It’s so sad…”

“I have to agree. She was probably my only real friend. No one else in that community was ever close with me. I’m the prince; everyone was obligated to be kind to me, but she wasn’t. She knew I’d never hurt her, but she was always so kind and understanding.” With his injury free arm, Dan wiped away some of his tears. He sniffed and cleared his throat.

“And with Rebecca? What happened?” asked Phil lowering his voice. He didn’t know why his voice dropped in volume. Perhaps it was because the subject was about to change from dark to darker.

“I’ve…I’ve never been…comfortable…being intimate with her,” started Dan. He had to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want Phil to know the truth. “I’ve known her since we were children. It always felt wrong. I didn’t want to touch her or be touched…but she…didn’t care.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “She forced herself on you? As in, completely?”

Dan slowly nodded his head yes. New, warm tears spilled down his cheeks and dripped off of his face onto Phil’s hand. Phil hadn’t realized Dan was crying. He felt even worse.

“That was another warning from my father,” stated Dan with hurt in his voice. “He wanted to be sure I didn’t fuck up this marriage and wedding. Basically, he worked with Rebecca to make sure I had to sleep with her tonight.” Dan’s voice cracked and his breaths shook. “I tried to find a way to get around it, but it’s like she knew. I didn’t have a choice. The only way I was going to get out of that room is if I let that stupid bitch climb on me!” Dan slapped his hand over his mouth to stifle a loud sob. More tears rolled down his cheeks. Phil couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what to do, so he did the only thing he knew someone would do in a situation of pain and suffering. He embraced Dan tightly, wrapping his left arm around Dan’s body, and bringing his right hand to the back of Dan’s neck. Dan jerked for a moment, but he relaxed into Phil’s touch. _Phil’s_ touch was safe.

Gently, Phil ran his fingers through the hair that was just above the back of Dan’s neck. He pulled the young boy closer, whom was starting to completely break down. Dan did his best not to cry loudly, but he struggled to keep his breathing steady. He hiccupped a few times and started to hyperventilate. In response, Phil started to rub Dan’s back.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “You’re safe now. We’re both safe now.” Bringing Dan even closer, Phil closed his eyes. He started thinking about all the pain he’d been through. He had grown up without a father, later without a brother, and had been ripped away from his mother and forced into slavery. Then, he thought about Dan. Dan grew up with no real friends, was forced into a marriage he didn’t want, lost his only friend to his father’s wrath, and had been molested and raped. Phil came to the realization that though their lives were on opposite sides of the spectrum, they had both been through hell and back.

Dan cried for a while. All of his emotions poured out before he was able to start calming down. Eventually, his breathing evened out, and he started taking long deep breaths, but only because Phil was instructing him.

“Inhale,” Phil waited to feel Dan’s body expand, “exhale.” He remembered that his mother used to console their father the same way. He was glad that overhearing trauma was coming in handy. “Just keep taking breaths like that; otherwise you might choke from the mucus.” Dan nodded his head yes and continued to breath slowly. “I’m so sorry, Dan.”

Dan sniffled, “It’s okay… I-It’s over now.”

“It is. It won’t happen again. You won’t ever see her again. I promise…” suddenly Phil felt he might regret that promise. “I promise I won’t let her touch you again,” he corrected himself.

Dan pulled away from Phil and wiped at his face as he sniffed again. “Okay. I’m okay. Go ahead and go back to sleep.”

“No,” stated Phil firmly as he shook his head. “You need rest. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I can—.”

“Dan,” Phil cut Dan short with a slightly sharp tone. “I am fine. Please, for me, get some rest.” Dan didn’t have a solid argument, so he lay down and rested his head on his bag. It wasn’t long before he began to drift. His body was exhausted, and his mind was finally beginning to relax. Slowly, he fell asleep, and for the first time in months, he slept through the night.

***

“Dan! Wake up!” shouted Phil as he roughly shook Dan’s shoulder.

Dan awoke with a start. “What? What’s wrong?” he yelled as his body jerked forward.

“I-I’m sorry! I fell asleep! We need to go!”

Dan gasped and looked down at his watch. 9:43 a.m. “Shit! Everyone’s going to start waking up by ten! Run!” Dan hurried to his feet and grabbed his bag. “Run! Run!” He grabbed Phil’s wrist and started running. Phil ran alongside Dan and continued to check over his shoulder. Both of their hearts pounded in their chests. Phil looked over his shoulder again, and in the far distance he could see a faint light.

“They’re bringing a car out! We have to get out of sight _now_! This way!” he grabbed Dan’s hand and yanked him to the left. They ran out into the open fields as fast as their legs could carry them. Soon, the car could be heard in the distance. “Get down!” Phil stopped and hit the ground with a thud. Dan soon followed. Luckily, they had gone far enough that the surrounding areas were starting to become wild. It was far enough away from the community that it hadn’t been neatly kept. The grass was tall and was a good shield.

Several moments passed before the car drove by. For a moment, Dan thought he heard the car come to a halt, and his heart nearly stopped. Fortunately, it was just the sound fading because the car was quickly out of hearing range. Dan let out a loud breath of relief.

“Oh my god,” he huffed. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Who the hell is leaving the community at this hour?”

“Probably servants,” observed Phil. “Sometimes we’d be sent out early to fetch things needed before the ‘important’ household members would start to wake up.”

“Don’t say we,” snapped Dan. Phil looked him in surprise. “You’re not a servant anymore. Dammit you’ve always been a person. I’m going to find out the real reason you were taken.”

“Well, we’ve got a long trip ahead of us,” stated Phil. “It should be clear now. The car that went by sounded pretty big; I don’t think they’ll need to send another.”

Dan nodded his head yes. “Okay.”

Dan and Phil stood to their feet and started walking again. They decided to stay in the grass field just in case they needed to hide again. Phil occasionally paused to scratch his leg that was exposed to the earth. Since he had torn his pants to help Dan, his skin was continuously struck by the blades of grass. Dan noticed this trend after a while and started to feel guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

Phil looked at him curiously, “For what?” he asked as he reached down to scratch at his skin again.

“You would have intact clothes if I hadn’t been a complete idiot last night. I just feel bad.”

“You don’t need to feel bad. You were hurting and you reacted. Trust me; I know what that’s like.” Phil now consciously tried not to scratch.

Dan wondered what Phil meant by his statement. Had he caused himself harm like Ashley had? He wanted to ask, but he felt that might be too invasive. Instead, he just continued to walk alongside Phil, allowing himself to finally feel comfort in the company he had.

It wasn’t long before the surrounding areas became broken down and neglected. Not too far away, Dan spotted buildings that were aligned with windows and mold. There were cracks in the stone in some areas. Even the streets were beat up and poorly cared for.

“What is this place?” asked Dan in a whisper. He was in shock. How could his country look like this?

“This is where everyone else lives, Dan,” said Phil. “Look.” Leading the way, Phil guided Dan past the scattered buildings and into the open. Dan’s expression became fearful and mortified. Everything around him seemed to be broken. The pavements had upturned cement that threatened to harm anyone that wasn’t careful with their footing. Dan turned and saw shops with windows that were boarded up because the glass had been shattered in frequent robberies. Any homes looked closed off and uninviting. If there was grass or any type of plants, they were dying or already dead. Dan placed his hand over his mouth to conceal his terrified expression, though nothing could hide the horror in his eyes.

“This is awful…” whispered Dan. “How…how could my family let this happen?” He didn’t understand. His family alone had more than enough means to fix this. Why hadn’t they? “How could they let our people live like this?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” asked Phil as he kicked a rock. “Poverty. No resources. We’re easy to control, take, and use. That was problem back in earlier centuries according to history. The people had too much power. They had resources like weapons, hideouts…” Phil trailed off for a moment and met Dan’s eyes, “community. People could rely on one another. It’s not like that anymore.”

Dan was stunned. No one could even trust each other? He knew what it was like to have trust issues, but at least growing up if he needed to get out of the house he had somewhere to go. In his early years of childhood, he had distinct memories of playing with other children while their mothers drank martinis on the front of porch. It wasn’t until later in life that he started to feel that people’s actions were forced. However, as a child, he remembered community, he remembered friendship, and he remembered trust. He wondered; what must it be like to grow without any of that?

“Phil…” he mumbled through his hand. Pulling his hand away from his mouth, he grabbed at his bag, needing something to hold onto. “I’m so sorry.”

Phil took a few steps forward to stand beside Dan. “Welcome to Pacis.”

Dan shook his head as he was on the brink of tears. “No, this isn’t right. This can’t be my country!”

“Will you be quiet?” snapped Phil as he stood in front of Dan and grabbed at his shoulder. “Get it together! If people find out who you are who knows what will happen.” He let his voice drop to a whisper. “Right now, no one knows who the prince is. No one even knows his name. But if you shout someone _will_ hear. So please,” Phil squeezed Dan’s shoulder, “calm down.”

Dan nodded his head. “Right, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’ve been living in this sealed off world. You had no idea what to expect once you walked outside those gates. Now, to be fair, this is the really rough part of the country. There are areas, like where I grew up, that are a bit better.”

“Still…I have to fix this,” whispered Dan trying to process everything in front of him.

“You can’t,” stated Phil flatly. “You’re not a prince anymore. Once they realize you’re gone you’ll be a fugitive. We both will be. We have to hide and fast.”

“Where are we going to go?”

Phil started looking around. He naturally kept an eye out for cars and any well-dressed men. As he continued to scan the area, his eyes landed on something. Once he squinted his eyes, he could just barely see the headlights of a car that was parked in an alley.

“Go,” said Phil backing away. “This way,” he quickly started off in the opposite direction of the car. Dan followed closely behind. Both men kept their pace very quick. Eventually, they were able to disappear into a back alley. “Keep your guard up, and if you see a car or anyone that’s even remotely dressed well, turn the other way and go.”

“W-why am I avoiding fancy people and cars?” asked Dan, fear causing his voice to shake.

Phil peeked around a corner before continuing to walk. “No one outside of your community has a car. So if you see a car, they’re either scouting for people to take, or they’re here to collect anyone that hasn’t paid their debt. Either way, they’ll know who you are and we’ll be screwed.” He stopped again and looked around a corner. He saw another car and whipped his head back around and out of sight.

“What is it?” asked Dan in a whisper.

Phil pressed his finger to his lips with urgency in his eyes. Dan immediately quit speaking and pressed his back to the wall. Several moments passed, and there was no sign that the car had moved. Then, without warning, Dan and Phil heard screaming.

“No!” a strangled cry from a woman could be heard. “Please! I have more time!”

“Mum!” shouted a voice that clearly belonged to a young man.

Phil pressed his hands to his ears and sank to a seated position. Shutting his eyes tightly, he tried his best to block out what he could hear. It was too similar to what happened to him. He began having flashbacks of the night he was taken from his mother.

_“Please! I have 16 days!”_

Phil tightened his grip, desperately trying to make it all stop.

“Mum!” shouted the boy.

“Stop!” screamed his mother. “Take me instead! PLEASE!”

Dan kept his back pressed the wall; he didn’t move. He stared ahead with wide, horror filled eyes. What he had just heard was something from nightmares. The car sped off. Once the roar of the engine faded into the distance, Dan got on his knees and gently touched Phil’s shoulder.

“Phil,” he whispered. Phil looked up at Dan, still pressing the palms of his hands to his ears. Dan gingerly brought his own hands to Phil’s and pulled them away. “It’s okay. It’s over.” Phil looked up at Dan, tears gathering in his eyes. Dan threw his arms around Phil and pulled the older man close. “It’s over.”

“But it’s not over,” said Phil as his voice cracked. “This happens every damn day. I’ve heard it. I’ve seen it. I’ve been through it!” He shut his eyes trying to stop the tears.

Dan pulled away from Phil, but kept them close together. “Hey, look at me.” Phil opened his eyes slowly and blinked out fresh sadness onto his cheeks. “We’re going to get you home. You’ll see your mum. I promise.”

Phil had to remain seated for a while, but then Dan helped him get to his feet, and the two of them continued on. Phil was able to get a decent look around, and he realized they were still pretty far away from his home.

“We probably won’t get there until tomorrow,” observed Phil.

Dan shrugged, “That’s okay.”

“Thank you, by the way.”

Dan looked at Phil curiously, “For what?”

“For calming me down back there,” replied Phil as he put his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t had a flashback like that in a long time. I’m grateful that someone was there that time.”

“It’s not a problem. I’m glad I wasn’t totally useless.” Dan managed a small laugh. Phil chuckled in response.

***

The sun had long since dipped into the horizon, and Dan and Phil were exhausted. They found a rundown park to rest for the night. Luckily, there were some benches to sleep on, though Dan was certain he was going to catch a disease from the rotting wood. Phil sat next to Dan and unzipped the bag. They went most of the day without eating much, but Phil knew that was hard on Dan and decided to cut him some slack. Phil handed Dan a piece of bread to nibble on.

“Thank you,” said Dan as he started eating. “I’m just not used to it.”

“I know,” stated Phil. “I understand.” Phil leaned back and looked at the stars. Dan took that opportunity to study Phil. He looked at small details, like the curve of his face or how high his cheekbones were. Unconsciously, Dan licked his lips and let his bottom lip fall slack. There was something about Phil, something beautiful.

“Phil?” Dan spoke up. Phil turned his attention to Dan. Dan couldn’t help but to note that in the moonlight, Phil’s eyes were blue like the ocean. “Who are you?”

Phil raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Who are you? Here we are, running away, and I barely know you. I know your first name, and I know you were taken. I don’t know anything else; so I’m asking, who are you?”

Phil just looked at Dan for a moment. He had to wonder why Dan cared. Was it just to break the silence? No, there were other ways to do that. Phil contemplated where to start. He decided to start with his name.

“Philip Michael Lester is my full name. Most people call me Phil, as you caught onto. Um,” he trailed off trying to think of what to say next. “I grew up for a while with a brother named Martyn, but he was taken when he was 17.”

Dan felt his heart sink, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It was a long time ago. Though, it was hard. He and I were really close. He was my only real friend. Even when you’re kids here, you grow up trusting no one, so you don’t make friends usually. Martyn was always there, though. If I ever needed anything he would be by my side. He was the type of older brother that would walk you home from school or threaten the bully that picked on you.” Phil’s heart began to ache. It was times like this that he really missed Martyn.

“I’m glad you had someone,” said Dan.

Phil managed a small smile, “Yeah. It made things easier on my mum.  Trying to keep us out of debt was so hard on her. Martyn and I were both too young to work, so she worked almost constantly.”

“What about your dad? He couldn’t work?”

“My dad um,” Phil choked on his words. He hadn’t actually ever talked about his father before to anyone. “My dad died when I was about six. I barely remember him, but I do. He was sick; I don’t remember with what.”

Dan gingerly placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder, “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s alright. I’ve just, um, I’ve never actually talked about it. Martyn, he took over the household, and I remember kind of just shutting down for a while. My mum obviously never brought it up. I’ve never told anyone.”

“That must have been hard.” Dan had no idea what to say. He couldn’t imagine growing up without one of his parents. Then, Dan realized that Phil didn’t just grow up without father. With the way Pacis was, Phil grew up without a mother too. “I can’t believe everything that’s happened.”

“What do you mean?” Phil didn’t bother to look up. He felt his heart breaking.

“All this time…I had no idea my country was like this. I knew we had servants because they didn’t pay back their debt, and I thought that was fucked up enough. But…this, this country is in ruins and no one knows about it. I know the other people my age don’t know, and anyone older doesn’t care.” Dan covered his face with his hands. He didn’t even want to look at the world around him. It was so wrong.

Phil wasn’t sure what to say to Dan. Dan was right; people either didn’t know, or they didn’t care. Phil didn’t quite understand why Dan was so worked up about it. He had never taken time to think that maybe Dan was truly ignorant, and that wasn’t Dan’s fault.

“So this is what Tracey meant,” said Dan as he moved his hands away from his face. He looked around the park. The grass was barely alive, and the trees looked wilted. Not too far away were broken streets and broken homes. Everything was a disaster. “When she said that no one cared about the little people, I didn’t understand what she was saying. Now, it makes sense. My family and my whole community live these disgustingly privileged lives, and you’re all left here to rot.” Dan’s voice started to rise in anger.

“Dan—,” Phil tried to cut in, but Dan was becoming furious.

“We have so much, and they don’t give anything!” Dan stood to his feet. “Look at this place! The plants are even depressed! Just outside my bedroom window are flowers that practically have diamonds in the petals and we can’t even keep that green stuff off of your homes!”

“It’s called mold,” said Phil trying to stifle a small chuckle.

“See I don’t even know what the hell that is! What is that?” Dan was trying not to shout, but his voice continued to rise the longer he went on.

“It’s built up bacteria that can make you sick.”

Dan threw his hands up in the air. “Of course! Because we have our fruit picked by orphans, but we can’t even make sure you can live somewhere clean!” He harshly kicked a rock in pure frustration. Roughly, he ran his fingers through his hair, digging at his scalp.

Phil got to his feet and grabbed Dan’s shoulders. “Dan, you need to calm down. I understand this is all upsetting, but there is _nothing_ you can do.”

“I could have done something,” mumbled Dan. “I could have, but I ran away, and now I can never go back. That’s _my_ fault.”

“Dan,” Phil tightened his grip. “You never would have even known about this if you hadn’t run. Your father clearly realized what kind of person you are.”

“What kind of person I am?”

“A good person, so he would have kept all of this from you. This world _destroys_ kind people. Look what it’s already done to you, and you were living somewhere safe. Now, all you can do is try to find us somewhere that’s _actually_ safe.”

Dan sat down on the bench and took some time to just breathe. After a while, he started feeling extremely worn out, and Phil noticed. Phil took the first watch that night. He looked down to see Dan fast asleep. A small smile spread across his lips from the sight. Dan actually looked peaceful.

***

It was afternoon by the time Dan and Phil reached their destination. Phil had informed Dan that their best shot of finding his mother was to check the flower shop where she worked.

As they walked, Dan was relieved to see that at least some parts of Pacis weren’t as bad as what he had seen. However, that didn’t mean things were well. It simply gave him some peace that not everyone was breathing in pure sickness in their homes.

Phil walked up to the flower shop, and then he stopped. “You should wait out here,” he said.

“What? Why?” asked Dan as if it was the most absurd thing.

Phil placed his hand on the door handle. “I’ve been gone for 6 years, Dan.” His grip tightened. “She’s going to be shocked, and if the wrong people see you it could end really badly. Just please wait right here.”

“Alright,” Dan agreed.

Phil pushed the door open and stepped inside. He was overcome with nervousness. What if something happened? What if he got them caught? He walked up to the counter and waited for an employee to acknowledge him.

“Um, does Annabel Lester still work here?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Let me check,” the employee pulled up records on a screen. They scanned through all of their faculty. Phil’s heart beat began to pick up when he didn’t see his mother’s face. “No, she doesn’t.”

“Thank you,” Phil hurried away. He pushed the door open and looked around wildly for Dan.

“Whoa, whoa,” Dan held his hands up. “I’m right here. What’s wrong? Was she not there?”

“No, she wasn’t,” stuttered Phil as his breathing quickened.

Dan pulled Phil into an embrace, “Hey, it’s alright. We’ll check your house.” He pulled away. “I’m sure she’s there.”

Phil nodded his head, and then began to lead the way to his house.

It wasn’t long before Dan and Phil reached Phil’s old home. Dan stayed closely to Phil this time, walking all the way up to the door with him. Phil reached out to the door with a shaking hand and knocked.

The door opened, and a man stood by the threshold. “Can I help you?”

“I-I’m looking for Annabel Lester,” said Phil.

The man’s expression dropped, which worried both of the boys immensely.

“What?” asked Dan. “What is it?”

“Annabel Lester…” the man stopped, trying to find the right words. “She doesn’t live here anymore.”

Phil put his hands in his pockets, trying to keep himself from getting fidgety. “C-Can you tell me where is she now? Do you know?”

“It’s very important,” Dan spoke up.

The man realized he didn’t have a choice but to tell the truth. “She’s passed away.”

Phil’s head shot up. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in horror. “What?” he shouted. “N-No! She can’t!” He started feeling dizzy. “What, what happened?” He pressed his hand to the wall, trying to keep his balance.

“She must have had some type of tragedy with her kids. I’m guessing she had hers taken. It was just about three years ago. She made this home a place where parents could hide their children. A lot of locals started to really struggle with losing kids, and they wanted to leave themselves to protect their children. So, Annabel did her best to take care of as many kids as possible. But…I guess they found out about it. They took all of the kids and…well you can figure out the rest.”

Phil’s world shattered into a million pieces. He didn’t say another word; he just swiftly walked away.

“Phil!” Dan shouted, but Phil kept walking. Dan turned back to the man, “Thank you.” He ran off to catch up with Phil. “Phil, where are you going?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care!” shouted Phil as tears began to pour down his face without his permission. He didn’t even have to blink the tears out, they just fell. “I have nothing now!”

“Yes, you do!” said Dan as he stepped in front of Phil trying to stop him. “You have, you have,” he tried desperately to think of something. What did Phil have left?

“I have nothing, Dan! All of my family is gone! Where I go now is none of your concern.” Phil marched passed Dan only to have Dan try to stop him again.

“Look, we’re both out here on our own. All we have to do is find Tuarium and we can start over.”

Phil scoffed. “Why is it so important to you that I start over? If you’re doing this out of pity and you don’t want that taken away, I’m so fucking sorry that my mother’s death ruined that for you!”

“I’m not doing this out of pity!” Dan tightened his grip on Phil’s shoulder.

Phil responded by shoving Dan’s hand away. “Then why are you doing it?”

“I…” Dan suddenly realized that he wasn’t completely certain why. All this time he knew there was something about Phil that caused him to feel like he had to do something, but he had no idea what. Phil stared at Dan, his eyes bright blue and intense. Dan stared back, and as he looked into Phil’s eyes, he felt like he could just melt. And that is when it hit him. No. That couldn’t be the reason. “I…”

“Bloody tell me!”

Dan couldn’t bear to tell Phil the truth when he couldn’t even accept the truth himself. He didn’t want to admit that he had somehow started to develop feelings for Phil, so he did what he had to do. He lied.

“It was out of pity,” he said, the words carving scars into his heart. “But now it’s too late. If you wander off by yourself, they will find you, and they will kill you. So suck it up, and come with me. Once we find Tuarium, you can settle down there, and you’ll never have to see me again.”

Phil felt anger burning in his entire being. Everything happening to him felt disgusting. “Fine,” he spat. Shoving Dan further away, he marched forward. “Keep your distance.”

Dan slowly followed Phil. His heart ached, his body caused him to occasionally stumble, and his mind made him want to die. All he could hope for was that Tuarium was really out there. He had to hope that there was something better out there for Phil. He hoped deeply, even if it meant that after they found it that he wouldn’t be able to look into the sea any longer.


	7. Chapter 6

 Forgive Me

 

  
_Previously. . ._

_“It was out of pity,” he said, the words carving scars into his heart. “But now it’s too late. If you wander off by yourself, they will find you, and they will kill you. So suck it up, and come with me. Once we find Tuarium, you can settle down there, and you’ll never have to see me again.”_

_Phil felt anger burning in his entire being. Everything happening to him felt disgusting. “Fine,” he spat. Shoving Dan further away, he marched forward. “Keep your distance.”_

_Dan slowly followed Phil. His heart ached, his body caused him to occasionally stumble, and his mind made him want to die. All he could hope for was that Tuarium was really out there. He had to hope that there was something better out there for Phil. He hoped deeply, even if it meant that after they found it that he wouldn’t be able to look into the sea any longer._

Chapter 6:

Everything was in ruins. Mr. and Mrs. Howell were beside themselves. How could their son just take off, and with a servant nonetheless? No, no one could know about the servant. Not only did Dan take off with a servant, but the servant was a young man, and that would jeopardize their family name and their power. No one could know the truth.

“Why would he take off? What kind of prince abandons his kingdom and his princess, no his _queen_?” asked Mr. Williams as he slammed his fist on the table. The Williams and the Howells were all sat in the dining room in the Howell estate. Mr. and Mrs. Williams were furious. How dare Daniel abandon their daughter in her time of need.

“I don’t know why Daniel took off. He’s been acting strange for months. Maybe he just needed some time,” said Mr. Howell as he rubbed at his right temple. He was certain a migraine wasn’t too far off.

Mrs. Williams laughed, “Oh he needed some time did he? While our daughter is here by herself! Newly wedded!”

“I don’t know what you want from me!” Mr. Howell raised his voice. “I don’t know why Daniel left. I don’t know where he is, but I’m sure he’ll return home. He’s going to take one look at the outside world and turn around.”

“That’s not good enough,” stated Mr. Williams firmly. “I want him found and returned to my little girl.”

“I’m not a little girl, daddy,” said Rebecca. “I’m far from that. I guess this is as good of a time as any to tell you all this.”

“What is it, sweetie?” asked Mrs. Williams as she brushed some of Rebecca’s hair away from her face.

Rebecca took a long, deep breath. “I’m pregnant.” Everyone at the table was speechless.

Mr. Williams turned to Rebecca. “How is that possible? You married him a week ago.”

“Things happen, daddy,” said Rebecca acting bashful. “It was about three weeks ago. I got checked yesterday. I’m pregnant.”

“Alright,” Mr. Williams stood to his feet. “That’s it. I want Daniel found.”

Rebecca stood up as well. “I’ll go.”

“I don’t think so, princess. It’s dangerous out there.”

“I’ll take Alex with me, and we’ll have a driver of course. I want to see him,” she pretended to pout. “I miss him a lot.”

“I’ll get her a driver,” said Mr. Howell. He prayed that the servant was long gone and far away from Dan.

“I’ll go get Alex,” said Rebecca as she walked away.

Once Rebecca was out of the room, Mr. Williams turned his attention to Mr. Howell. “If anything happens to my little girl because of Daniel, I will put your family through hell. Am I clear?”

Mr. Howell sat back in his chair and held up his martini, “Crystal.”

***

Rebecca was over at Alex’s house. Alex was pacing in her room, completely distraught.

“I can’t believe he took off!” she shouted.

“I know,” replied Rebecca with a scoff. “I can’t believe he abandoned me.”

Alex didn’t have a response for that. She knew Rebecca was abusive, and now with Dan gone, the Howell family was in even more danger of losing everything. Then, she had a realization. “Rebecca, you said he wouldn’t sleep with you when you tried the first time. How are you pregnant?”

Rebecca giggled, “A girl has her ways.”

Alex couldn’t figure out what Rebecca had done, but it didn’t matter. “Well, yes, I will come with you. We’ll find Dan and we’ll bring him back here.”

“Oh, thank you, Alex!” Rebecca embraced Alex. Alex hugged back. She knew she had to go with Rebecca. She knew what she had to do.

***

It had been a week, and Dan was dying inside from the silent treatment. Phil had hardly spoken a word to him. Dan wished they could arrive to Tuarium, but between hiding from cars, taking back streets, and sleeping, it was taking a long time to make progress. The trip wouldn’t have been so awful if Phil would just speak to him, but Phil was keeping his distance and keeping his mouth shut.

“I hate this,” said Dan. Phil remained silent. “Phil, it’s been a week. We’ve barely made it anywhere.”

Phil stopped walking and turned to face Dan. “Yeah, we’ve barely made it anywhere. Why? It’s because we’re constantly hiding, and taking long routes, and getting lost! All that stuff in your home and you couldn’t bother to grab a map?”

“Excuse me; I was busy trying to get to you before Rebecca woke up for another round!” Dan clenched his fists. This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want Phil to hate him. All he wanted was for Phil to be happy and safe, and it broke his heart to think that separating in the future might be the only way for Phil to achieve that.

Phil scoffed and continued on. Dan followed, wishing the pain would stop. Everything was a mess, including the two of them. Obviously, neither of them had much of a chance to clean up. Dan hoped that if anything, people would stay away mainly because of the smell.

Suddenly, a loud siren went off in the distance. A faded voice barely reached Dan and Phil’s ears.

“Attention citizens of Pacis. We have an important message from the king and queen. Their son, Daniel Howell, has gone missing and is believed to be in the area.”

Dan and Phil exchanged looks. They bolted as fast as they could into a back alley. Their hearts were racing; sweat was building on their foreheads. This couldn’t be happening.

“For those of you that cannot see the picture, Daniel Howell is 6’3, with a slim build, and brown hair and brown eyes,” the voice boomed across the city.

“Slim build!” said Dan sounding very offended. “Excuse me!”

Phil slapped his hand over Dan’s mouth, “Hush!” he whispered harshly. “Didn’t you hear? Picture! People know who you are now.”

Dan pushed away Phil’s hand. “Your hand tastes like shit; get it off me.” Phil rolled his eyes and stuck his hand in his pocket.

The voice spoke again, “There will be a reward to whoever finds Daniel and returns him to his home. Whoever brings him into our custody, you and your family will be granted immunity to debt.”

Now Dan and Phil were panicking. Anyone who spotted Dan would jump at the chance to turn him in. Dan leaned back against the wall of the alley and took a deep, shaky breath.

“What do we do now?” he asked.

Phil leaned back as well, “I don’t know. Maybe if you keep the hood to your sweater up and get some sunglasses.”

“Sunglasses?” Dan looked at Phil curiously.

“You seriously don’t know what sunglasses are?”

“No,” Dan looked down embarrassed.

“They’re like regular glasses, except they have dark lenses to shield your eyes from the sun. How the heck do you not know what those are?”

“We don’t need them.” Dan smiled awkwardly. Phil looked at Dan with a very puzzled expression. How could people not need sunglasses? “We wear contact lenses that bend the light around our eyes. Nothing is ever too bright as long as I have these in.”

“Of course,” said Phil in a snarky tone. “Of course you’d have that. Everything you could ever need was given to you people from birth.” Dan stood up straight and stood in front of Phil, and he proceeded to take out his contact lenses. “What the hell are you doing?”

Dan let the lenses fall to the ground. “That life is behind me.” He thought of his family, and he stepped on one lens. “You’re what’s important now.” Thinking of Rebecca, and everything she did, he stepped on the other.

Phil opened his mouth to speak, but his thoughts were cut short by a loud noise. “Hide!” he hissed quietly. He and Dan both ducked behind a dumpster and stayed as still as they could. Footsteps echoed around them. For a moment, Dan recognized the sound. It was the sound of heels clicking, which meant it was probably a woman. The steps got closer and closer until they stopped right near Dan and Phil. Dan and Phil both held their breath.

“Boys, I know you’re there,” said a voice. With their hands up, Dan and Phil stood to their feet. The young woman in front of them wasn’t very tall; she was about 5’6. She had long, wavy black hair, very lightly tanned skin, and bright green eyes. She was wearing a nice, red blouse and black skirt. “Oh, put your hands down before someone sees!” she whispered. Dan and Phil did as told. “I’m not going to hurt you. If you want to get out of here alive, follow me.” She started to walk away.

Dan and Phil turned to each other, both of them trying to decide what to do. Eventually, they came to the silent agreement that they had nothing to lose. Anywhere they went now would be more dangerous than following a woman they both could easily overpower. They followed her, keeping their heads down and keeping an eye out for anything that would bring them harm.

***

Dan and Phil sat awkwardly at the table in the woman’s home. The woman simply stared at them. Her eyes were curious and intense.

“Oh, that's the tea,” she said when the kettle began to whistle. She got up from the table and went into the kitchen. After coming back, she set the kettle on the table and then brought out cups for the three of them. “Tea?”

“No, thank you,” said Dan quietly.

The woman rolled her eyes, “It's not poison.” She poured all three of them tea and took a sip from her cup. “And it's not drugged either. Come on, you must be parched.”

Dan and Phil both reached for the cups and hastily blew on the beverage trying to cool it enough to drink.

“Who are you?” asked Phil after blowing air into his tea a few times. He proceeded to take a sip; he almost choked. It was still way too hot.

The woman stifled a giggle. “I'm Katrina, and I'm a palm reader.” Dan did his best not to laugh, but he did manage to spill the tea that was about to enter his mouth causing it to dribble down his chin. “Something funny?”

Dan blushed and smiled awkwardly as he wiped at his face with his sleeve, “No, no. It's just, palm readers. I haven't seen one since—.”

“Since your community’s last large party, I know.” Katrina stood to her feet and walked into the kitchen. “That's the only time I have employment.” She came back with a small bowl of sugar and sat down. “But it keeps me living decently.”

“Yeah,” agreed Phil as he looked around. Katrina's home was fully furnished, she clearly had food, and so far Phil hadn't spotted any leakage in her roof. “You seem to have it pretty good, even for this part of town.”

Katrina shrugged, “I'm the only good palm reader left, so the Howell family makes sure I stay alive. I'm sure they'd just force me into slavery normally, but they're probably afraid I'd curse them or something.”

“They're actually afraid of you?” asked Dan with a laugh. “That's mad. All of the psychic stuff is just a load of crap.”

Katrina's eyebrows rose, “Oh, a skeptic. There's always one. That explains why the royal prince never did pay my attraction a visit after all these years.”

“Sorry, I just don't buy it,” stated Dan with a shrug.

Katrina stretched out her arm, leaving her left palm exposed. “If you don't believe then this won't do you any harm. May I?”

Dan rolled his eyes and placed his hand in Katrina's. Katrina began to use her right hand to lightly trace Dan’s palm. Her face dropped, and she took a sharp intake of air.

“What?” asked Dan urgently, leaning forward in his seat. “What is it?”

Katrina made an “hmph” sound. “For someone who doesn't believe, you're eager.”

Dan proceeded to roll his eyes again and lean back in his seat. “Funny. An attempt to scare me. Is that your tactic? To make people afraid?”

“It's not a tactic, Dan. You should be afraid.”

“Of what?” Dan tried to keep his expression neutral and slightly bored, but inside he was scared. This wasn’t what anyone would want to hear.

Katrina pulled her hand away and turned her attention to Phil, “Phil, dear, why don't you go take a shower, and I'll wash those clothes. You're both a mess.”

“Are you sure?” asked Phil feeling guilty. He knew that sometimes only so much water was given for the day.

“Of course,” replied Katrina with a soft smile. “Like I said, the Howell’s keep me living pretty decently. Go wash up, and I'll send Dan in after you're done.”

Phil smiled, “Thank you.” He got up from his seat.                    

“Second door to your left. Leave your clothes in the hall and I'll take care of them.” Phil nodded his head yes and headed off to shower. After the shower started up, Katrina turned back to Dan. “You're both in a lot of danger.”

Dan's eyes widened, “Why did you send him off to say that?”

“Phil is sensitive, and he's already been through a lot. After all he just lost his mum.”

Dan would have backed away had he not been sat in a chair. “How do you know that?”

Katrina ignored Dan’s question. “He doesn't hate you.”

Dan's expression changed from scared to relieved. “He doesn't…?”

“No,” Katrina bit her bottom lip, “but he is resentful. He will be for a while. However, once he realizes the truth, he won't be anymore.”

“The truth?”

“You know exactly what I'm talking about, Dan.”

Dan shifted uncomfortably. Surely Katrina didn't mean that he had to tell Phil he was gay and about how he felt. No, that couldn't be it.

“But how long it takes is up to you,” said Katrina as she took her tea into her hands. She took a small sip before deciding to add some more sugar. “Either way he cares about you, he just doesn't show it. But you do need to know that a lot is about to happen for you both.”

“What are you talking about?” Dan was getting more skeptical by the moment.

“There are things in your future, things bigger than yourself and Phil. You'll have to make choices. You'll see people again that you never wanted to lay eyes on after what happened.”

Dan's heart raced. Katrina didn't mean Rebecca...did she? Dan picked up his tea to give himself something to hold. “You don't mean…you don't mean a girl, right?”

“I can't tell you that. You have to follow this path.” The shower turned off, and Katrina sprang to her feet. “Oh, dammit!” she hurried over and scooped up Phil's clothes to throw in the wash. “Dan, if you have anything that needs to be washed, give it to me now.”

“Hold up,” replied Dan as he stood up. He grabbed his bag and went into a different room. After changing into the extra clothes he brought, he handed his filthy garments to Katrina. “Thank you.”

“It's not a problem.” Katrina tossed all of the clothes into the washing machine and started it up.

Phil stepped out of the bathroom with wet, messy hair, and a towel around his waist. Dan turned around to see Phil, and he froze. His mouth dried up almost instantly, and his palms started to sweat.

Phil noticed the peculiar look on Dan’s face. “What?”

Dan shook his head, attempting to clear it. “Nothing. I'm gonna, um, take a shower,” he scooted past Phil and shut the bathroom door. “A very cold shower,” he whispered to himself. He had no idea that outside the room, Phil stood in place confused, and Katrina was trying her hardest not to burst out laughing.

Phil went and sat back to finish his tea. It was a little on the cold side, but that just meant that he could drink it now. He sipped at his tea, wondering what had Dan so flushed. A moment later, Katrina made her way over to the table and sat down. She began to study Phil.

Phil noticed Katrina’s sharp expression. “What?”

“Nothing,” Katrina smiled. “Want me to warm up your tea a little?”

“Please,” Phil handed Katrina his cup. Katrina took the tea into her hands and walked into the kitchen. “Thank you for everything. This is probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Well, that a stranger has done for me.”

Katrina came back and handed Phil freshly warmed tea. “So you grew up in that part of Pacis?” she asked. Phil nodded his head. “I see. How many friends?”

“None. Well, I had my brother, and I guess you could count my father when I was a child. Though, I barely remember him…” Phil looked up and saw the saddened expression on Katrina’s face. “Sorry, didn’t mean to trail off like that.”

“No, it’s fine,” Katrina waved it off. “I understand; it must have been hard. I didn’t have anyone on the outside myself growing up. Though I can tell something bigger happened. You lost your brother, didn’t you?”

Phil held his tea close, allowing the scent to keep him calm. “Yes, he was taken.”

“How old was he?”

“17…”

Katrina let out a distraught sound. “My goodness. That’s just too young. Don’t get me wrong, any age is too young to be forced into slavery, but 17…”

“I was 20 when it happened to me.”

“I’m so sorry,” whispered Katrina. She outstretched her hand, “May I?”

Phil chuckled, “Sure.”

Katrina lightly traced Phil’s palm. After a moment her expression turned worried. Phil noticed and he instantly became concerned. Katrina clasped Phil’s hand in between both of hers.

“Phil, you need to be careful.”

Phil slowly withdrew his hand, “What makes you say that?”

Katrina sighed deeply. “Phil, you and Dan are a lot alike, but you share one key difference.” Phil looked at Katrina expectantly. “Dan is very quick to love or to hate, but you…you take your time with those kinds of emotions. You haven’t decided how you feel about Dan. You don’t love him, and you don’t hate him. However, you do care about him. That scares you, doesn’t it?”

“You don’t know me,” stated Phil firmly. His heart rate began to pick up. He couldn’t believe what Katrina was saying. The worst part was that she was right. He hadn’t decided how he felt about Dan, but he knew there was something made him care, and he hated it. He hated it because it scared him.

“Dan has already made up his mind about you. His fate is set in stone.”

“How does he feel about me?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

Phil huffed, “What can you tell me then?”

“I can tell you that your decision about Dan will determine your future.” Katrina leaned forward in her seat, her eyes wide and immensely intense. “Phil, be warned. The _second_ you make a decision, everything will change. It will depend on whether you choose to protect him, or if you choose to betray him.”

Phil’s eyebrows knit. “What? That doesn’t make any sense. He’s the one that would have the power to betray _me._ What could I possibly do to him? There’s nothing I could do to him.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” whispered Katrina as she got to her feet. She walked away.

“Katrina—!” Phil started, but was cut short by Dan’s voice.

“Phil,” Dan spoke through the bathroom door. He was stood behind the shower curtain. “There isn’t another towel in here. I hadn’t noticed.”

Phil stood up, “Right. Um.”

“There’s another towel in that closet,” said Katrina pointing to a door. She giggled.

“What?” asked Phil as he opened the closet.

“Nothing,” Katrina proceeded to walk away again.

Phil rolled his eyes and pulled a towel out of the closet. He walked up to the bathroom door and cracked it open. “Dan, here,” he said as he put the towel through the doorway.

Dan had pretty much dried off from the air, so he was able to walk over without making too much of a mess. “Thank you.” After wrapping the towel around his waist, he stepped out of the bathroom.

“Your clothes are almost done,” said Katrina as she brought Dan a new, warm cup of tea. “They’ll just need a bit of time in the dryer.”

Dan took the tea into his hands. “Thank you, Katrina. Really, you’ve saved us honestly. Who knows what would have happened if we were out there tonight.”

“You’d probably be scooped up in your sleep,” observed Katrina. “Now when you leave again, you must be careful. I’d suggest taking back roads, and keep your heads down.”

“We already do that pretty well,” said Phil. “We’ve managed to travel about a week without issues.”

Katrina already knew the answer to her question, but she asked anyway. “Where are you headed?”

Dan and Phil exchanged looks. They silently agreed that Katrina was trustworthy. Dan reached into his bag and pulled out the information about Tuarium.

“We’re looking for this,” he handed Katrina the files. “I found this at my, um, I found this at someone’s house. They were burning all of the information, so I assumed it was important. After I read about it, I decided to leave and search for it. It’s supposed to be near what was once called Edinburgh. We’re hoping that if we find it…we can start over.”

Katrina flipped through the information. She knew exactly what was there, but she knew she couldn’t say. “Once you leave here, head straight that way,” she pointed left. “Keep going, in that direction. It shouldn’t take you long to find your way. Perhaps another week and a half if you include taking the back alleyways and sleeping.”

“I hope it only takes that long,” sighed Dan. “I just want to find Tuarium and start over.”

Katrina’s eyebrows knit. “I know things have been hard on both of you, but you have to be careful. There will be people, and they are people you can’t trust no matter what they offer.”

“How can you know that?” asked Phil.

“You know how I know, Mr. Lester,” Katrina giggled. Dan and Phil turned to each other, then back to Katrina, whom was still quietly laughing.

***

The night sky was clear like glass. Dan stood on Katrina’s back porch. It reminded him of his balcony at home. The stone ground and midnight sky made him feel a little less afraid of the world around him. The area’s familiarity kept his breathing smooth.

Dan looked up at the stars, and he began to ponder life. What was the purpose? He was one human out of millions. His parents were only two more people. What gave three people the right to make decisions for the entire country, which in retrospect was the whole world? Pacis was all that was left, so Dan’s family didn’t just rule a country; they ruled over every person in the world. Dan sat down and ran his fingers through his hair. He just wanted answers. What gave his family the right? Why did they let the world suffer? Why did no one care? Why?

“Dan?” Phil’s voice snapped Dan out of his trance. “What are you doing out here? It’s the middle of the night.”

“Why are you awake?” Dan countered Phil’s question with his own.

Phil rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah well neither could I,” stated Dan flatly as he turned away from Phil. He sat down. Phil walked over and plopped down on the ground by Dan. “Why are you here? I thought you told me to keep my distance.”

“I don’t know either. I just don’t feel like being alone right now.” Phil held his knees close to his body. “I’m not exactly happy with everything,” Phil paused, “but…I know it’s not your fault.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He knew Phil blamed his whole family for what happened, but now Phil was removing him from that picture. Was Phil actually going to separate him from the Howells?

“Phil,” started Dan. “Do you think there’s something more out there?”

Phil turned to Dan and stared curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Dan stopped, trying to figure out what he did in fact mean. He pulled up his knees and hugged them close to his body, mirroring Phil without even realizing it. “I mean, do you think there’s more to life. Something out there that’s…bigger than you and I, bigger than all of us.”

“What has you thinking things like that?” asked Phil. Dan remained quiet. He didn’t want to tell Phil was Katrina had said. “Was it something Katrina said?”

Dan shifted uncomfortably, “Sort of. She just said something big was going to happen, and I don’t know whether to believe her or not. I mean what could a woman possibly know by touching the palm of my hand? It’s rubbish.”

“I don’t know. Stranger things have happened in this world. Maybe she does know things. Maybe she knows things that she can’t even tell us…” Phil stopped his sentence. He felt what Katrina had told him creeping into his mind. Turning to look at Dan, he just watched the younger man. Dan was looking up into the sky. The moonlight shined down on his pale skin, highlighting some of the freckles that seemed to be scattered across various spots on his face. Dan’s mouth was just ever so slightly parted, as if in awe. Phil’s entire body relaxed. Watching Dan was like watching nature; there was something about it that was beautiful.

“I never got to see the stars so clearly back home,” commented Dan. “Everyone always had lights on, or their pools would glow for nightly swims, there was always something. But, here, it’s clear. It’s almost like a crystal or glass.”

“That was one thing I liked about living in that part of Pacis. No one had much electricity,” Phil chuckled. “So it was always pitch black outside, which meant on a cloudless night, god, the stars were incredible. I guess it’s things like this that can make you believe that there might be something bigger out there.”

Dan lay down, but quickly realized that the concrete ground beneath was uncomfortable for his head. Standing up, he walked out onto the grass and lay down. Phil got up and followed Dan, lying next to him.

The two men laid side by side, both looking out into the universe. Dan pondered life still, but some things started to make more sense. Maybe…no matter what he went through, if he was with someone he cared about, and as long as there was an end goal, just maybe it would all be worth it.

Phil started tracing the stars, piecing together the constellations his brother had taught him. _Big Dipper, Ursa Minor, Leo. . ._ Phil turned to look at Dan. A moment later, Dan turned and glanced at Phil. Neither of them said a word, they just…watched each other.

Dan felt his heart race. His mouth dried up like it had before, and his hands felt clammy again. He felt so nervous, and he didn’t know why. Slowly, his eyes drifted down to Phil’s lips, then back up to the older man’s eyes. In the light glow of the moon, Phil’s eyes were just so _blue._

Phil didn’t understand why he felt his breathing become a little faster, right alongside his heart. He swallowed, trying to push back his nerves. What was happening? In an instant, so many things about Dan stood out to him. Dan was nervously playing with the sleeves of his shirt, pulling the gray fabric up to his knuckles and folding his hands together. He lay with his lips parted, his eyes a little wide, and his pupils were dilated, which could barely be seen from the midnight light.

Dan licked his lips, and then sank his teeth into his bottom lip. He didn’t realize what he had done until it was too late, and the realization caused blood to rush to his cheeks. “Hi, Phil,” he whispered. He felt stupid as soon as the words left his mouth, but for some reason he felt the need to say them.

“Hi, Dan,” whispered Phil.

The air was completely still. Neither Dan nor Phil could find it in them to say another word. Their worlds began to shift. It was as if gravity was no long pulling them towards the earth, but towards each other. Without even thinking about it for a moment, Dan started to maneuver his body close to Phil, and Phil found himself mirroring Dan’s every move. Then, sirens sounded.

Dan and Phil both turned to the direction of the sound and saw flashing lights. Dan hurried to his feet. “Shit!” he hissed quietly. “Phil, go grab our stuff!”

“Are you mad?” asked Phil in a hushed tone. “Come with me!”

Dan turned to Phil, his expression firm, but desperate. “Go! Go get our stuff! Please!”

“Just hide inside!”

“If they find us in there, Katrina is as good as dead! Get our stuff; we have to run!” Angrily, Phil darted inside to grab their bags. Luckily, Katrina provided a second one, but at the same time it was more to carry, and in that moment it was more stress for Phil. Phil slung both bags over his shoulder and quickly left the house. He stood by Dan and watched the flashing lights.

“Which way do we go?” he asked.

Dan’s eyes darted around looking for the direction Katrina had instructed them to go. “This way!” he exclaimed quietly. He and Phil took off running. They were running for only a moment when they heard shouting.

“Over there!”

“There they are!”

“Don’t lose them!”

Dan’s heart pounded in his ears. If they got caught, they would take him back to his worst nightmares, and they would kill Phil. They would kill Phil… Dan and Phil ran and ran, but they took a wrong turn and ended up in an alley that came to a dead end. Panicking as they crashed into the wire gate, they attempted to climb it, but the holes were too small. They couldn’t get a good enough grip to hoist themselves up.

The siren became louder and louder until it was right by Dan and Phil. The flashing lights nearly blinded them. A car blocked their path, and four men in tuxedos stepped out of the car. Dan and Phil backed up until their bodies collided with the gate.

The men approached, and Dan went into a panic. Dan held his hands up and pleaded, “I’ll go with you, but leave him alone, please!” he begged. Tears stained his cheeks at the realization of the situation. It was over. Phil was going to be killed in cold blood. “Please!” he shouted. Phil looked at Dan with an expression that was a mixture of shock and terror. Dan couldn’t go back there. He couldn’t.

“You know I can’t do that, your highness,” said one of the men. Two men each grabbed Dan and Phil and started pulling them towards the car.

Phil began breathing rapidly. Images flashed through his mind of when he was taken away. He screamed. “No! NO!” he wailed trying to escape, but it was no use.

Dan heard Phil’s cries, and flailed and trashed trying to get out of the men’s grasp. “No! No! Leave him alone! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” he let out strangled cries that echoed throughout the alleyways.

It wasn’t long before Dan and Phil were shoved into the back of the car. The men slammed the doors shut and returned to their own vehicle. Dan and Phil quickly realized that the doors had no handles on the inside. A protective barrier rose from the center of the car, separating Dan and Phil from the driver. Dan began to panic that there was a driver to begin with. Cars didn’t need to be controlled anymore, which meant that they had sent a driver for insurance; they were being extra careful.

Dan pounded his fist on the barrier in a mix of fear and anger. Dan sank back down into his seat and broke down sobbing. “This is all my fault!”

“Dan, this is not your fault!” said Phil, his voice cracking from the tears. “None of this is your fault.”

Dan looked up at Phil, which allowed the light from outside to highlight the amount of tears that had strewn down his face. “Yes, it is! You would still be back in my estate right now if it wasn’t for me! You would be asleep; you’d be safe! You know what they’re going to do to you, and it’s my fault!” he choked out.

Phil shook his head slowly, “No, I wouldn’t be asleep. I’d be awake trying to make the pain stop.” He rolled up the sleeve to shirt, showing his scars. “I’d be miserable. I wouldn’t be safe. You gave me a chance.”

Dan stared at Phil’s arm, and seeing the scars just made him start to cry harder. He launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around Phil, who immediately returned the gesture. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! They should have just found me, not you too!” He tightened his grip, as if trying to protect Phil from the inevitable harm that was to come.

“It’s okay,” whispered Phil with a shaky voice. “You gave me a chance, and for that I’m thankful.” Phil hadn’t realized what Dan had given him. It was facing inescapable death that opened Phil’s eyes to see that Dan had only wanted to help him. Even if it was out of pity, he did it anyway. Dan had done his best to save Phil, but there was nothing they could do now.

Dan and Phil clung to each other, both of them disappearing into puddles of tears. Neither of them could stop. Phil didn’t want to die, and Dan didn’t want to lose him. Both of them were completely distraught.

Dan pulled away from Phil just enough to be able to look at him. “I’m so sorry, Phil,” he whispered. “I just wanted to get us somewhere we’d be safe. I just…” Dan stopped. Should he…tell Phil the truth? “I…” he couldn’t find the words. “I…” Then it caught his eye. Dan realized that there was a large metal bar bolted to the back of the car. It was meant so that people in the back could hold onto something, but Dan knew that his community wouldn’t dare put too much effort into these cars. They were escorting servants after all.

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed. He clasped his hands over his mouth. “Look!” he whispered and pointed to the bar.

Phil looked at Dan confused. “So?” he asked as he wiped away his tears.

“Get on the floor,” instructed Dan.

“Excuse me?” questioned Phil sounding offended.

“Trust me!” Phil reluctantly lay on the floor having no idea what Dan was up to. Dan lay in the seat, and he started kicking the metal bar where it was bolted in.

“Are you—!” Phil began.

“I’m not mad!” snapped Dan. “I said trust me!” He kicked and kicked, and then the bar came loose. Dan quickly shifted around and kicked the other end loose. He took the bar in his hands and looked down at Phil. “Shield yourself!” Phil curled up and guarded his head. He turned to the seat to guard his face.

Dan took a deep breath. He prayed his plan would work. He held the bar back, and with all his strength, he swung it at the barrier. The barrier shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. The driver shouted in shock. Dan quickly crawled through the opening and wrestled the driver for the wheel. He punched the driver in his nose, and sharply turned the wheel. The car flipped onto its side and crashed.

“Phil!” shouted Dan in a daze once the car had stopped rolling. “Phil!” He tried to get up, but the darkness overtook, and he fell unconscious.


	8. Chapter 7

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 7:

Dan’s eyes fluttered open bringing him back into consciousness. “Phil…” he groaned as he tried to move. His body had been slung over a large piece of metal that was spread across the middle of the car to hold the barrier. He felt lucky and cursed that the car had managed to flip over and over until it landed right side up. Grabbing at the middle piece, he did his best to push himself up. His hands dug into pieces of the shattered barrier, which tore the skin on his hands.

Dan’s vision finally cleared, and he spotted Phil at the bottom of the car. “Phil?” He climbed over the middle piece and rolled Phil. His heart dropped and pounded at the same time. Phil was clearly unconscious, and an area on his head near his temple had been cut and was bleeding. Dan used all of his strength and kicked the door to the car. Luckily, with the damage from the crash, the door flung open. Dan hurried out and started trying to pick up Phil. Once he got a good enough grip and was able to hold Phil up, he dragged Phil out of the car and onto the ground.

Looking around frantically, Dan checked for anyone that would threaten him and Phil. The car containing the men had crashed into their car, which Dan assumed was the cause for the second impact that he barely felt before falling unconscious. Apparently, the cars design to follow each other no matter what had a very fatal flaw. The other car had flipped onto its side, so Dan knew he had a chance to get himself and Phil somewhere safe. Dan carefully picked up Phil, holding him by his legs and back. After surveying the area, Dan spotted some buildings and dark corners of the city. Quickly, he made his way as fast as his legs would carry himself and Phil.

Dan found a place to hide, and he lay Phil down, positioning Phil’s head to lie on his lap. Carefully, he brushed Phil’s hair to side so he could get a better look at Phil’s wound. “Phil…” he whispered. Fear overtook his being. What if Phil didn’t wake up? Dan pressed his fingers to Phil’s neck. He felt a decently strong pulse, but he was still terrified.

Hours passed; at least, Dan was pretty sure it had been hours. In all honestly, he had no idea how much time had passed. His throat was sore from crying. Alone in the alley, with the only person he cared about unconscious, all of his demons seemed to attack him from the shadows. He started hearing his father’s threats, feeling Rebecca’s poisonous touch, and remembering the pain in his stomach when he heard about Tracey. His entire body began to shake violently, which he wished was just from the cold. As if things couldn’t get any worse, Dan heard thunder in the distance, and it wasn’t long before the rain came.

Dan curled up into the tightest corner he could find whilst clinging to Phil, but nothing could keep the monsters away. The rain seemed to only make it worse. The water was pouring down in sheets, completely dousing Dan and Phil. Dan had to turn Phil on his side so that Phil wouldn’t drown in his state of unconsciousness. The rain made it hard to see the world around him, which made the world attacking his mind that much more real.

“Phil,” Dan whined. “Please…please wake up.” He lightly shook Phil, not wanting to hurt him, but desperate for him to awaken. “I need you to wake up. I…” He stopped, but then realized that if he needed to get anything out of his system, now was the time. After all, Phil couldn’t hear him. “I need you. I need you right now. I’m constantly attacked by these…by these monsters in my head.” More tears dripped down Dan’s cheeks as he continued. “When I close my eyes all I can see is Rebecca on me, or all I can hear is my father telling me that Tracey was removed.” Reaching down, Dan gently caressed Phil’s cheek with his thumb. “But you…you make all of that go away. I need you here with me. Please…”

Dan’s heart seemed to hurt more from each passing minute that Phil was unconscious. Despite shivering violently from his terror and the rain, he took off his jumper and put it over Phil. He pulled Phil close and wept. For a moment, he was glad it was raining, because it meant he couldn’t feel the tears. It meant he couldn’t feel his horrors and nightmares slipping down his cheeks endlessly. His throat was even sorer than before, his eyes burned from the mix of tears and rain, he was freezing, his injured hands viciously stung, and he could have screamed from how much his own mind was attacking him. However, despite it all, all he could truly focus on was begging Phil to awaken.

“Please wake up…” he croaked. “Please…”

***

Rebecca and Alex were sat in the car, and Rebecca couldn’t have been more irritated. For one, they sent a driver, which was annoying since cars didn’t need them, and they had to stop because of the weather. Rebecca leaned forward in her seat, “Are you sure we can’t make any more progress?” she snapped.

“I’m sorry, your highness, but in weather like this it is not safe. The rain is coming down in harsh sheets,” replied the driver.

Rebecca rolled her eyes, “I know! I can hear it on the roof of the car!” She huffed and leaned back into her seat. Alex couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. It was as if Rebecca was a completely different person. “This stress is not good for the baby!”

 _Then maybe you should have waited on getting knocked up,_ thought Alex. She wouldn’t dare speak the words aloud. She was learning more about Rebecca from each passing moment, and she had already learned that Rebecca was the cut-throat type. Alex wouldn’t even consider standing up to her unless she had leverage, which was starting to scare her. If they did in fact find Dan, what was she going to do to help?

“What is your plan anyway?” asked Alex. “You’re going to find Dan, and then what? Force him to come home? Force him to love you?”

Rebecca shot Alex a look that made Alex regret opening her mouth. “He does love me; he’s just struggling right now. He’s…like, sick or something.”

“Because he’s,” Alex mouthed the word “homo” so the driver wouldn’t hear. Rebecca nodded her head yes. “So you think that makes him sick?”

“Obviously. Everyone knows that people like that are sick, but I can help him get better.”

Alex was baffled. She had never really formed an opinion on homosexuality, but she knew Dan wasn’t sick. He was her friend, and Rebecca was really starting to upset her. However, she couldn’t help but to be fearful of Rebecca, and at the end of the day she had no idea what she would do if a situation ever arose. She hoped deeply that they wouldn’t find Dan, and more than that, she hoped Dan was safe.

***

Dan had fallen asleep despite his best efforts to stay awake. He was still sat with Phil’s head on his lap, but his head was resting against the brick wall of the alley, slightly tilted to the left. The rain finally died down to a slight drizzle. It was just passed 9:00 a.m., but the sun was hidden behind the rainclouds, giving the illusion that was it was still late. So when Dan woke for a slight moment, all that processed in his mind was that no sun meant it wasn’t time to get up yet, and he fell into oblivion again.

Suddenly, Phil awoke. He coughed, which woke Dan up right away. Struggling, he tried to use his arms to boost himself up, but Dan stopped him.

“No, no! Don’t get up yet,” he said, gingerly positioning Phil to lie back down. Phil coughed, wheezed, and shivered. Dan wished there was more he could do. “Just rest.” Phil didn’t have the strength to argue. He just nodded his head and did his best to regulate his breathing. Dan gently brushed Phil’s soaking wet hair away from his eyes. He then realized that his own hair was stuck to his forehead in a messy manner, and he swept it away from his range of vision. “Are you alright?”

Phil coughed a few times before responding. “I don’t know. What happened?”

“The car crashed and knocked us out. When I woke up, you were still unconscious. So I kicked the door open and I carried you out. Then I found this area and hid us. It rained really badly, which explains why we’re soaked, but they didn’t find us. We’re safe for now.”

Phil couldn’t believe what Dan had said. Surely Dan could have ended up caught from taking time to not only get him out of the car, but carrying him and hiding both of them. “After everything that happened you still took me with you?”

“Yes!” exclaimed Dan. How could Phil think he’d be so cruel? “I wasn’t going to leave you behind. Besides…I got you into this mess. I’m going to get you out.”

“You didn’t get me into this mess, Dan,” stated Phil firmly. “I chose to leave with you.”

Dan lightly placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder. He wanted to be comforting, but he didn’t know what would be too much, so he settled on just resting his hand where it was. “I know that, but I was the one that planted the idea in your head.” _I was the one who planted the idea in Tracey’s head too…_ “I just want you to be safe.”

Phil simply nodded again, but his mind was racing. He didn’t understand. From each passing moment, and from each action Dan carried out, Phil was beginning to believe less and less that what Dan had done was from pity. There was something about every little thing Dan did. Whether it was taking the first watch at night, or insisting on carrying their bags once Phil started getting tired, Dan always did little things that didn’t come from the feeling of pity. He did so many kind things, even when Phil refused to speak to him.

Dan and Phil stayed there in silence, which Phil was grateful for. His brain kept piecing more and more things together, trying to understand, and trying to solve the mystery surrounding Dan’s actions. For a moment, Phil considered that it wasn’t pity, end of story. Then, that raised the question of what the reason was. Why did Dan decide to take him along for the escape? Why did Dan work so hard to protect him? And most of all, Phil wondered what he could have possibly done to deserve being given a second chance. What had he done to deserve to have the prince of Pacis decide that he needed to be saved?

Phil pondered and wondered for a while, but at the end of his train of thought, he couldn’t figure it out. He hadn’t done anything to deserve it, that was for certain, and he had absolutely no idea what could have possibly gone through Dan’s mind. None of it made sense. He wanted to ask Dan, but he knew he’d either receive a lie or a subject change.

Carefully, Phil placed his hands on the ground and started lifting himself up. Dan tried to stop him immediately.

“Phil, no!” he demanded. “You need to rest!”

Phil ignored Dan and struggled against him. “We need to get moving. If we stay sitting ducks we’ll get caught for sure.” Phil struggled to his feet, and he wobbled slightly. Keeping his balance seemed to be harder than usual. The world started spinning, and he started to fall. Fortunately, Dan had stood up, and was able to catch him.

“Dammit, Phil! I told you, you need rest!”

Phil tried to regain his balance, which he did for a moment. “I said I’m fine.” He took another step and stumbled. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil, holding him up.

Dan groaned, “You’re like a dead weight. You can’t even stand.”

“I’m fi—.”

“Shut up!” Dan lifted Phil’s limp head with his hand. Phil blinked several times, as if trying to stay awake. “Look at me. You’re hurt, and until you heal up we’re not going anywhere.”

“If we stay they’ll find us.”

Dan huffed. He knew Phil was right. “Then you’re not walking.” He bent down and slung Phil over his shoulder.

“This is really uncomfortable…” groaned Phil.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Put me down; I’d rather walk.”

“I think you’re delirious from the head injury.”

Dan carried Phil for the entire day. Phil had nodded off on occasion, but he spent most of the time throwing in random complaints. Dan was ready to slap him, but he had a feeling Phil wasn’t thinking straight from that hit to the head.

The sun was starting to dip into the horizon, which Dan took as a signal to look for another place to hide. Eventually, he spotted really tight nook that couldn’t be seen from many angles, so that’s where he decided to go. It wasn’t long before Dan and Phil were in the same position as before. Phil was asleep, and Dan was alone in the rain. Dan felt better knowing that Phil was okay, but he did wish he had company. Despite that, he was glad Phil was resting.

Realization set in that they were in trouble. Dan had been so frazzled throughout the day, that he hadn’t realized that their bags were gone. Then he remembered the men ripping their belongings away from them as they were shoved into the car. He had a moment of panic. Frantically, he felt around in his coat pocket for the information about Tuarium. When he felt a firm rectangle shape in his pocket, he let out a breath of relief. Pulling out the file, he started flipping through it, more and more thankful that he had decided to carry it on his persons instead of in the bags.

Dan drifted off, and the night passed by quickly. Morning came, and both men were rudely awakened by their stomachs. With their bags gone, they had nothing. Phil groaned and sat up, leaning against the wall next to Dan.

“How are you feeling?” asked Dan worriedly.

“Better,” responded Phil. “I just wish we had our stuff.”

Dan’s stomach made a loud noise, as if agreeing. “Heh, so do I, but we’ll have to make due.”

Phil’s eyes winded, and he turned to Dan, “Dan! The file on—!”

“Got it,” Dan held up the information. “I decided it was safer to carry it in my giant ass coat pockets than to put it in the bags. Looks like I was right.”

“Thank god,” said Phil as he placed his hand over his heart. “If they had found that, I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Neither do I.”

“We should get moving.”

Dan reluctantly agreed, and he and Phil were on their way again. Luckily, Phil was strong enough to walk on his own. Their journey was made a lot harder with no food and their injuries, but they knew they had to keep going. Dan’s hands burned from his cuts, and Phil’s head ached, but neither of them said a word about their pain. They both wanted to fill the silence in the air, but no words came. So instead, they just walked side by side, both of them glad that the other was okay.

***

Mr. Howell couldn’t remember the last time he had been so stressed. He stood in front of a detailed map of Pacis. The driver that he had sent to find Dan had reported back to him the previous night. Mr. Howell had to hand it to himself; he raised a smart boy, and that was biting him in the ass. He used the information to attempt to figure out Dan’s route. Reports had come in of seeing Dan before the formal announcement had been made, so Mr. Howell accounted for that. It seemed as if Dan was going in the occasional circle. His son was either getting lost, or he was trying to throw people off. Either way, it was frustrating and making things difficult.

“Honey,” said Mrs. Howell as she walked into the room. She saw the map and was overrun with worry. Tracing the lines showing in her mind, she could see that Dan was lost and probably terrified. There were pins tacked on the map where reports had come in, and Mr. Howell had drawn possible streets Dan had taken to get from location to location. “I hope we find him.”

Mr. Howell tacked on another pin. “I hope so. He’s in for a world of trouble when he gets back.”

“Oh, he’s just a boy.”

“He’s a grown man!” shouted Mr. Howell. He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I just can’t believe that he would take off like this. And with,” Mr. Howell walked passed Mrs. Howell and closed the door, “with a servant!”

“We don’t know that. Maybe the servant we’re missing just followed him trying to get away.”

Mr. Howell pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you even know which slave we’re missing?” Mrs. Howell shook her head. “His name was Philip. I had seen Dan talking with him on multiple occasions, and if that was suspicious enough, it seemed the more times I caught them speaking, the more I noticed Daniel avoiding Rebecca. Now, Rebecca can be a handful, we know this, but something wasn’t right! That’s why as soon as I found out that red head was a homosexual I got rid of her. She might have been planting ideas in our sons head. I was sending him a warning, and he clearly didn’t care.”

Mrs. Howell clasped her hand over her mouth. “You don’t think our son…is…?”

“I don’t know, but you _know_ what we’ll have to do if he is.”

“No! I won’t harm my own son!” shouted Mrs. Howell. “I don’t care if our entire nation views it as vulgar; he is my son! We can help him!”

“And if he’s beyond help?” yelled Mr. Howell. “We have a country to care for. We have a lot at stake here, and if Daniel isn’t fit to handle it, then I will do what I have to do.” Mr. Howell left the room. Mrs. Howell turned to look at the map. She gently pressed her finger by pin that marked Dan’s most recent location.

“I hope you stay safe, baby…” she whispered and broke down into tears.

***

“Okay, just be quiet,” whispered Phil. He and Dan were outside a gate that led to a large orchard. They had reached a part of Pacis that handled a large portion of the countries agriculture. Dan hoped that it was big enough that they could sneak around and grab some food without being spotted. Phil started climbing the gate, and Dan followed. Once they were on the other side, they looked around carefully. When they spotted no one, they took off deep into the trees.

“What if we get caught?” asked Dan in a quiet voice. “If they see me they’re going to turn me in.”

Phil looked both ways, and then gestured for Dan to move forward. “It’s mostly kids that work out here. Adults have to deal with real jobs to earn points, so anyone under 16 is who works here. Besides, it’s late. We’ll be fine.”

“How do you know?” asked Dan with an eyebrow raised.

Phil started climbing a tree with ease, and he laughed. “It’s been so long.” He looked down at Dan. “I used to live here before we moved. So I was one of the kids that had to climb up here and risk breaking my neck just to reach these.” Phil tossed an apple down to Dan. Dan sank his teeth into the fruit was immediately relieved.

“How come I never knew you used to live out here?” asked Dan, through a mouthful of apple.

Phil tossed Dan a few more apples before starting to climb down. “Because you never asked where I lived when I was a kid.” He took an apple from Dan and started to eat. “Thank God,” he sighed. After taking a quick look around, he then pointed to his right. “This way. Come on.”

Phil led Dan to a small lake that was surrounded by trees and flowers. They both sat down by the water. Phil reached down and started to trace patterns in the water like he did as a child.

“How is no one out here right now?” asked Dan as he took another bite. “It’s actually…nice.”

“This is at the end of the orchard; it’s the furthest out, so this place is tended to first thing in the morning. So if we stay here tonight, we’ll have to take turns sleeping for real this time. The second the sun peaks over that hill,” he pointed, “we’ll have to leave.”

Dan swallowed his last bite of apple and tossed the core aside. “Sounds like a plan to me.” Dipping his finger into the water, he mimicked Phil’s actions. “So, what was it like living here as a kid?”

“Well,” Phil thought for a moment. It was a little difficult to access memories from that long ago, but he did remember a lot of details even for being so young. “When I was five I started working here. It was my job amongst other kids to carry baskets into the sheds to store food, collect rotten fruit from the ground, and water the plants, stuff like that.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” observed Dan. He reached into the water and splashed his face. Phil decided that was a good idea and copied him. “I guess maybe on hot days it would be a drag, but for a kid, you probably didn’t mind as much.”

Phil smiled softly, “Yeah. When you’re a kid, picking things up and being in charge of important things makes you feel special.” Phil’s smile widened and he nearly jumped in his seat. “I remember this one time, Martyn and I climbed all the way to the top of an apple tree, instead of just high enough to get to the fruit, and we almost got stuck. Martyn climbed down first, and he had me jump. He actually caught me. I remember thinking he was like a superhero.”

“That’s a really nice memory,” said Dan with a smile.

Phil’s cheeks reddened and he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble. I just miss him. I wish he was here. If anyone in this world deserved a second chance, it was him. He stepped up for the whole family after my dad died. That’s actually why we left here. We needed to go somewhere cheaper and where Martyn and I could work once we were old enough.”

“That’s awful…” Dan placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”

Phil looked up at Dan and offered a small grin. “It’s alright.” Sneakily, he dipped his hand in the water and brought it up to splash Dan in the face.

“What the hell?” asked Dan through a laugh. “What was that for?”

Phil laughed. He splashed Dan again. “That was the best part about this lake. Sure it’s really small, you can see the other side at a glance, but it’s really clean water. Me and all the other kids all used to all gather around here during break and we’d all swim and play games.”

Dan splashed Phil in the face. They both laughed. Dan nudged Phil. “Next time warn me,” he chuckled. “It’s really cold water.”

“Not in the afternoon,” stated Phil in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone. “When the water has been boiling in the sun all day, it’s actually warm, and it’s perfect for swimming. We used to play sharks and minnows if we had enough break time.”

“I think I remember that game from when I was a kid. That’s kind of funny.”

“What is?” Phil looked at Dan curiously.

Dan splashed Phil again before continuing. “We’re two completely different people. We were even more different back then. I was a prince—.”

“And I was a peasant,” observed Phil. “I technically still am.”

Dan shot Phil a look, “I wasn’t going to say that.” Phil shrugged in response. “Anyway, two different people, different statuses, the whole thing, and yet we played the same games.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is, I don’t understand why my community, my ‘people’ treat all of you so lowly. I don’t get why my family doesn’t do more to help everyone. It doesn’t make sense to me. We’re all people, aren’t we?”

Phil raised his hand and pointed up with his index finger. “Actually! I’m a hybrid. I happen to come from a clan of werewolves.” Dan busted out laughing. Phil joined him. “I couldn’t resist.”

Dan suddenly felt very happy, happier than he had felt in a long time. It seemed that for the first time, he was seeing who Phil really was. Phil was a young man with a good sense of humor, he had memories that he liked to share, and he seemed to be genuinely kindhearted. Dan wondered if that’s why Phil stood out to him. Maybe despite circumstance, he carried enough of the essence of who he was that Dan was able to sense it.

Dan smiled wider than he ever had. He couldn’t remember the last time that he couldn’t resist smiling so much. Then, little lights started appearing around the lake. Dan jumped, which made Phil laugh.

“What is that?” asked Dan with a scared expression.

“Dan,” Phil tried to stop laughing. “Calm down. They’re just lightening bugs.”

Dan looked at Phil as if he was crazy. “Lightening…bugs?”

“Hang on.” Phil stood to his feet. He walked around the side of the lake and closed his hands around one of the floating lights. After making his way back to Dan, he sat down and just barely opened his hands. “See? They’re little bugs that have butts that glow. Isn’t that awesome?”

Dan chuckled. “Oh my god.”

“Want to hold it?” asked Phil as he brought his hands closer to Dan.

“Uhhh…” Dan wasn’t sure how he felt about holding a bug.

“Oh, don’t be a wimp,” Phil dropped the bug into Dan’s hands. Dan winced for a moment, as if waiting for the creature to bite, but nothing happened. It just crawled along his palm. “See? It’s cute!”

Dan smiled again. He felt warm inside because so much was making him happy. “It is cute.”

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen these before.” Phil got up and caught another one to hold himself. Sitting back down, he opened his hands near Dan’s so the lightening bugs could interact. “Aw, look, they’re friends.”

“They do look like they are,” observed Dan through a laugh. He looked up at Phil, and it was as if his heart melted. Phil was beautiful in so many ways. Dan watched the older man smile at the two little critters in their hands. The fact that his world could be brightened by something so simple made Dan feel so much better about the world.

“We should let them go,” said Phil. He stood up, and Dan followed. “Just put your hands up and they’ll fly away.” Dan and Phil both raised their hands, and the bugs took off. Phil sat back down. Dan stayed standing for a moment. He looked out over the lake and took a moment to just breathe. Despite all that they had already been through, both of them were managing to smile. However, Katrina’s warning sounded in Dan’s mind. Dan shook his head. No. He wouldn’t let this moment be ruined. Sitting back down, he dipped his hand into the lake and played with the water, trying to distract himself.

Phil scooted back and lay on his stomach. He looked up at Dan, and the corners of his mouth rose. He had never seen Dan actually smile and look so relaxed. “You look happy,” he commented.

“I am happy,” said Dan. “I’m not entirely sure why, but I am.” He started thinking of the stories Phil had just told him, and his grin only grew more. “There’s just something about tonight that’s making me feel relaxed. I’m thankful for that.”

“It’s a relaxing place,” Phil stood up next to Dan. “Why don’t I take first watch tonight? You’ve been doing it a lot lately.”

“Are you sure?”

Phil nodded his head yes, “Yeah. I want to just sit here and look around for a while. I’ve missed this place.”

Dan smiled softly. “Okay.” He caught himself staring into Phil’s eyes again. Phil looked stunning in the glow of the lightening bugs and the moonlight. He had no idea that Phil was thinking the same thing about him. Phil felt his heart beating a little faster, and he still didn’t know why. Dan shook his head, “Right, okay. I’m going to get some sleep.” He plopped down to the ground and got situated into a position that was at least somewhat comfortable. “Goodnight, Phil.”

“Goodnight, Dan,” whispered Phil. Dan closed his eyes and did his best to calm down enough to rest. Soon enough, Phil’s stories and flickering lights from lightening bugs filled his mind, and he easily drifted.

Phil stood in place for a while, taking in everything around him. He felt equally happy and sad to be back where so much of his youth took place. It was a comforting familiarity, but it made him miss Martyn even more.

For years, Phil searched for Martyn all around the Community. He had spent 6 years serving, so he was transferred from home to home a lot throughout the years. Every opportunity he got, he asked around, looking for his brother. When nothing happened, he assumed the worst. In Pacis, you either lived at home, served at the Community, or you were dead. A few stray tears dripped down Phil’s face as he gave the idea thought, but he also hoped that if Martyn was dead that he was somewhere nice. He hoped Martyn was somewhere safe.

***

Another week had passed. Dan and Phil were trying not to worry about running low on food, and mostly, they were praying that they weren’t lost again. They seemed to be going the right way, but how could they be sure? Despite everything, they were keeping their spirits high. Dan’s nightmares had lessened severely, and Phil’s resentfulness was almost nonexistent.

Phil had been asking Dan stories about his childhood. Since he had shared his memories, he wanted to learn more about Dan. It turned out that Dan had pretty good times as a little boy; it was once he became a teenager that things started getting difficult, so Dan stuck to talking about his youngest years. Phil was amazed by the technology that Dan’s community had. Even though he served there for many years, he didn’t see too much.

Dan told Phil about the many different toys and gadgets he used to play with. Phil was in awe when Dan described the water gloves that Dan had used not too long ago. He wondered what had inspired such a device.

The days had become much easier since Dan and Phil actually kept each other company. They continued learning about each other, and it made everything seem worth it. They had both been through hell, but they had been given a chance at sanctuary. However, it wasn’t long before things became worrying again.

Dan and Phil had been walking through a small town, and after a while, the buildings seemed to just stop. It was as if an imaginary line cut off civilization, and forward was nothing but open grasslands. Dan was certain they had gone the right way.

“I know this is the way,” he said.

“Dan look,” Phil gestured too the fields. “There’s nothing out there. We can’t even see buildings in the distance. There’s no sign of anything.”

Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out the information about Tuarium. “I know it’s out there.”

Phil threw his arms up. “Where? Be reasonable.”

“I know it’s out there!” stated Dan sharply. “I know this is the right way.” Dan took a few steps forward before he realized Phil wasn’t following him. “Phil…”

“I don’t know…” Phil put his hands in his pockets. “I’m just scared. We’ve come so far, but what if it’s truly empty out there?”

Dan didn’t want to even fathom the idea that there was nothing out there. He stretched out his arm. “You can leave if you want, but I have to keep going.” He held open his hand. “But…will you come with me? Please?”

Phil’s eyes went to Dan’s hand, and then back to his eyes. He had no idea what to do. The last thing he wanted to do was get lost and die in an open wasteland, but he saw the pleading look in Dan’s eyes. Dan closed his eyes and turned his head away, feeling defeated and alone. He then felt Phil’s hand grab his own.

“We started this absolutely mad plan together,” started Phil. He gave Dan’s hand a squeeze before pulling his hand away and putting it back in his pocket. “We might as well finish it together.” Dan’s face lit up instantly.

“Thank you,” he whispered feeling a little embarrassed. Phil offered a smile and starting walking alongside the younger man. They had no idea where they were going, but they did have each other; and as cliché as they both felt it was, they knew that was enough.

The land seemed to stretch on for hours…miles… Eventually Dan and Phil reached a point where they could no long see the town in the distance, and worse, they couldn’t see anything in the opposite direction either.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Dan as he took a few steps ahead of Phil. “I’m such an idiot.”

Phil stepped up to Dan and gingerly placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder. He squeezed Dan’s shoulder lightly. “No you’re not. You’re trying to find us somewhere safe.”

“Right,” Dan took out the file on Tuarium again. “You were right when I brought it up to you the first time. It’s like chasing a fairytale.”

“Maybe it is, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find it,” observed Phil.

Dan shook his head. “I wish I knew what to do…” Phil didn’t know what to say, so he just kept quiet and embraced Dan. Dan returned the hug, keeping his eyes on the empty wasteland that surrounded them.

“What are you two doing out here?” asked a voice. Dan and Phil turned around to see a man. He was tall, at least their height, but he was much larger in muscle mass. He had a buzz cut and square jaw. “Why are you out here?”

Dan and Phil exchanged worried looks. What should they say? Neither of them wanted to lie to that man. The man approached them and ripped the file from Dan’s grasp. After one quick glance, he looked up at them. “Where did you get this?”

“I-I found it at a friend’s house,” said Dan. He was certain he would faint from terror.

“Come with me,” the man handed the information back to Dan. Dan stuffed it in his pockets and gave Phil a scared look. Phil didn’t know what to do either, so he returned the same expression. They both followed the man, making sure to stay close together.

Dan and Phil followed the man for several minutes before the man stopped walking. The man reached for what seemed to be nothing. He started pressing his finger in specific places. Then, it seemed like an entire city appeared out of nowhere. Both Dan and Phil practically jumped backwards.

“Don’t be alarmed,” said the man. “It’s simple camouflage technology. Once you cross the barrier line, you’ll be able to see from the inside after we turn the shield back on. Let’s go.” He led Dan and Phil several feet into the city, and the clicked buttons on what appeared to be a watch. All the surrounding area seemed to wobble according to everyone’s vision.

“What was that?” asked Dan.

“That was the camouflage turning back on. You can’t be seen. Nothing in this place can be seen.” The man turned to face Dan and Phil. “My name is General Bryant Averill. Welcome to Tuarium.”


	9. Chapter 8

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 8:

Dan and Phil were alone in a room. The room was almost completely bare. All it had was a closet, a dresser, and a bunk bed. There was almost no walk room, so they sat side by side, waiting. They arrived in Tuarium earlier in the day, and Bryant had escorted them to the room and told them to wait. Neither of them knew whether they should be relieved or scared. They felt a bit of both emotions. Worry mixed with comfort swirled inside both of them.

Dan balled his hands into fists on his knees and his shoulders were pointed. Phil scooted further back onto the bed so he could hug his knees. They sat in painful silence, but they were both too nervous and afraid to speak up. Neither of them were sure how long they had been waiting; the surrounding grey walls seemed to be closing in.

Finally, the door opened revealing Bryant. Bryant stepped into the room and crossed his arms. “Well, boys, we have a small problem.” His voice was whisper-like and raspy, like sand paper. It was sharp and threatening.

“W-What is it?” asked Dan. His fists tightened, and he felt his body trying to curl up and hide, but he stayed sitting as straight up as he could.

Bryant made direct eye contact with Dan, which made Dan feel as if he might be sick. “You see, your highness,” he began. Now Dan felt extremely ill. “If you’re found here, there will be some problems. So, here’s the deal. You can stay, but if you’re found, you will do whatever we say in that moment.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” asked Phil sharply. He knew Dan wouldn’t question much, or would at least be too afraid too. However, he had grown up trusting no one, and that wasn’t about to change.

“’We’ are the military, son,” replied Bryant.

“Military?” questioned Dan. “Why would Pacis need military? We’re all that’s left.”

“It’s best if you don’t ask questions,” stated Bryant firmly.

Phil stood up, “Well we’re going to ask questions. Where are we?”

Bryant narrowed his eyes at Phil and gave him a look that said, “I don’t like you.” “You’re in Tuarium.”

“I figured that out. What is Tuarium?”

“You read that file that you had with you.”

“I’m not in the mood to play games!” snapped Phil. Dan’s eyes widened. Phil didn’t usually get that intense unless it was personal. “Tell me what this place is. Dan is right. Why would Pacis need a military if there’s nothing out there? I want the truth, and I want it now.”

Bryant studied Phil for a moment. Phil definitely wasn’t a threat. Obviously he wasn’t, he didn’t even pass the test. Bryant took one look into Phil’s eyes and he could see the pain of the past. Phil had definitely spent time serving at the Community, which meant he didn’t qualify. Bryant wondered what gave Phil the courage to talk to a man like him so boldly. Perhaps Phil was protecting something, and not just himself.

Then, Bryant took his time studying Dan. Daniel Howell, the prince of Pacis. Well, technically Dan was the king as of his 21st birthday, but until his father stepped down officially, he would be considered a prince. Bryant had to wonder why the prince would run away from home. Now that was a question he wanted an answer to.

“Before I answer any of your questions,” he began, “you’re going to answer mine.” He looked at Dan. “Why did you leave your home? You have everything in that little safe house of yours. Why come all the way out here?”

“I…” Dan stopped. What could he possibly say? He couldn’t tell Bryant that he was abused and raped. It wasn’t believable, not for a man. He knew that no one except Phil would believe him. “I didn’t want to rule over Pacis. I didn’t want to be responsible for what’s left of humankind. So, I left.”

Bryant didn’t believe a word. From one look, he knew Dan was lying through his teeth. “Alright. The reason we have a military is because in reality, we don’t know what’s out there. Yes, as far as we know, we’re all that’s left. But what if there’s a nation out there that’s hidden from us? We have the technology to hide, who’s to say that no one else does if they’re out there?”

“That’s a good question,” observed Phil. “Why bother hiding this place to such extremes?”

“If the public knew, they would be fearful. Some people might even go looking for another civilization. It’s just easier if we keep things quiet.” Bryant clapped his hands. “So, back to business. You can stay and hide, but if you’re found, we play it my way. And trust me, your daddy will find you.”

“Why haven’t you just turned me in?” asked Dan sharply narrowing his eyes.

“I think it’s in your best interest not to question that, unless you want to go home.” Bryan’s threat shut Dan up pretty quickly. “You both can stay in here for now until we figure out better arrangements. I’ll have someone bring you a meal. I trust you’ll heed my warning to stay put until given further instruction?” Dan and Phil both nodded. “Good.” Bryant left the room, closing the door behind him.

Phil turned to Dan, “I don’t trust him.”

“Neither do I,” whispered Dan. “But what else are we supposed to do? I can’t go back home…” His body lightly shook at the idea of returning home. His skin crawled at the idea of seeing Rebecca again. Her voice, her threat rang in his mind. _Leave and I’ll be telling daddy that you’re a fag before you can get out of the house._ Dan winced and curled up on the bed.

Phil’s eyebrows knit. He could almost feel physical pain seeing Dan so afraid. Dan brought his knees to his chest and pressed the palms of his hands to his ears, trying to block out Rebecca’s toxic voice. Phil approached Dan slowly and carefully.

“Dan,” he whispered. Dan looked up at Phil, not moving his hands away. A few stray tears dripped down his face. “You’re safe now. It’s okay.” Phil reached for Dan’s wrists very slowly. He knew being touched might set Dan off. His fingers gently brushed against Dan’s skin. Dan jerked away slightly, but then he relaxed. Phil gently started moving Dan’s hands away from his ears. Getting on his knees, he brought Dan’s hands down. Resting their hands on Dan’s lap, Phil didn’t say anything else, he just waited.

“Thanks,” Dan croaked. He sniffed, trying not to need to wipe at his nose with his sleeve. He didn’t want to let go of Phil’s hands. Phil offered Dan a small smile. He wished there was more he could do, but it was clear Dan was suffering mentally, which was something he couldn’t bandage.

Phil stood up, not letting go of Dan’s hands, and then he sat by the younger man. He squeezed Dan’s hands, as if telling Dan he wouldn’t let go. Dan wanted to be closer to Phil; he wanted to feel protected and safe. Phil sensed Dan’s want and need, so guiding Dan with him, he lay back, bringing his legs up to lay across the bed correctly. Dan lay down with him, allowing Phil to bring him close. He tucked his head in the crook of Phil’s neck. Phil wrapped his left arm around Dan, and kept his right hand interlocked with Dan’s.

Dan’s breathing calmed down almost immediately. He started inhaling and exhaling the way Phil had told him to in the past. Phil’s eyes felt droopy, and he let out a yawn. Dan yawned right after him and his eyes involuntarily closed. Phil started getting lulled to sleep by Dan’s steady heartbeat, which he could feel like it was his own. He started gingerly rubbing Dan’s back unconsciously; the gesture came naturally. His eyes slowly closed, and he fell.

Phil was the first to wake up. He noticed it was dark outside, and the room had become almost equally as dark. He had a sudden panic that someone had come in and saw himself and Dan. Carefully moving, he glanced around the room. It was still bare, untouched. He doubted anyone had come in. Wiggling back into place, he laid his head on the pillow. He stared at the ceiling, which was actually the bottom of the top bunk, but it was dark, so it didn’t really matter.

Only a few minutes passed, and then Dan woke up as well. It took him a moment to realize his placement and the differences in the room, but he didn’t really care in that moment. “How long have we been asleep?”

“I have no idea,” replied Phil. He started gently rubbing Dan’s back again, which threatened to put Dan back to sleep. Dan closed his eyes and curled up closer to Phil. He suddenly felt worried. There he was, snuggling with Phil, and he didn’t even feel weird about it. It felt completely natural. He began to understand why couples cuddled in bed. Whenever Rebecca had curled up to him, he had felt crowded, but laying there with Phil made him feel secure.

“Do you…” Dan began, “do you feel too crowded or anything…?” he asked. He felt stupid for asking, but he felt it necessary.

Phil shook his head, “No. Right now, you actually feel kind of small,” he chuckled. Dan quietly laughed. “Is this strange to you?”

“Oddly…no.” Dan bit his bottom lip. “Is it strange to you?” Phil shook his head again. “Then maybe, we should just not talk about it so it won’t become strange.” Phil nodded his head.

“Let’s talk about something else,” he said. It wasn’t long before he and Dan were talking about a little bit of everything. They steered clear of rough subjects, including their current situation in Tuarium. Instead, they spoke about good memories, talked about likes and dislikes, and even joked about Dan being scared of the lightening bugs before. They talked and laughed, which was helping them both more than they knew. After a while, fatigue started winning again, and they both fell back asleep.

_Knock! Knock!_

Morning came all too soon, and the knock at the door woke Dan and Phil with a start. In utter panic, Phil shoved Dan off of him, jumped out of the bed, and climbed up to the top bunk at lightning speed. He pulled the covers over himself just as the door opened.

“Rise and shine, boys,” said Bryant as he stepped into the room. “Sorry we didn’t get you anything to eat last night; it was pretty busy in the kitchen.”

“It’s no problem,” said Dan as calmly as he could. His heart was racing. What would have happened if Phil hadn’t gotten to the top bunk in time? “We just decided to turn in for the day anyway.”

“I can understand. You made quite the journey out here. Anyway, we have breakfast for you, and then we have some things to attend to.” A young woman walked into the room and set two platters on the dresser. She left as quickly as she came. “I’ll be back in about fifteen.”

Dan and Phil tried not to question much, as they both were starving. They both scarfed down the eggs and toast in a flash. Dan drank his orange juice in almost one shot. He then twitched and shivered from all the pulp he swallowed. Pulling a string out his mouth, he made a disgusted sound and tossed it aside.

Phil rolled his eyes, “Spoiled,” he teased.

“Hey, shut up,” said Dan lightly shoving him.

A few minutes later, Bryant opened the door looking distressed, but in an angry manner. “You,” he pointed at Phil. “I’m going to need you to step into the other room.” Dan and Phil exchanged glances, but they knew there wasn’t much they could do. Luckily, Dan could see that Phil simply had to go into the room across the hall. Bryant turned to Dan, “Mr. Howell, you have a visitor.” He stepped aside, and a familiar pair of green eyes stepped into the room.

Dan felt his breakfast making a quick return. His face turned pale. Bryant closed the door, which made him feel even more ill.

“Dan, sweetie!” Rebecca ran and wrapped her arms around Dan, whom immediately pushed her away.

“Get off of me!” he shouted, but his voice quaked in fear. His body lightly shook, and he could already feel a light sweat building on his forehead. His chest ached and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was choking.

“Honey,” Rebecca grabbed Dan hand.

Dan tore his hand away and held it close to his chest, as if wounded. “Don't touch me.” Rebecca took a step forward, and he took a step backward. “Get away!”

Rebecca stomped her foot in frustration much like a child. “God, Dan, what is your problem?” she yelled as her hands balled into fists.

“My problem?” asked Dan in a baffled tone. “You want to know my problem? You should already know my problem! You—!” He stopped, unable to utter the words. He didn't want to vocalize what Rebecca did to him. “You know what you did!”

“Well if you had just cooperated!” she spat like it was the most obvious thing.

“If I had just cooperated? I didn't want to have sex with you! And you didn't care! You _RAPED_ me!” Tears gathered in the corners of Dan’s eyes as soon as he spoke out those words.

Rebecca crossed her arms. “Your dick stood up just fine. It didn't seem like a problem.”

Dan was getting angrier. The manipulative words she spoke felt like they were burning him. “That's a biological response! It doesn't mean I wanted it! And you know that! You threatened me while you were doing it to me!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

Dan’s hands clenched into fists. He wanted to hit her. Part of him deep down wanted to kill her. “You think I'll let you get away with this? Just because you're the girl doesn't mean—!”

“Doesn't mean what? It doesn't mean that I can't be the attacker, and you the victim?” Rebecca took a few steps forward, and Dan stepped away for each one. Dan found himself up against a wall, which terrified him. “Who do you think they'll believe? And let's say they believe you. What are you going to tell them? Are you going to tell them you're gay and I threatened you with it?”

“I'm not gay,” stated Dan firmly. “That's a lie you made up to manipulate me!”

Rebecca crossed her arms, and then she pressed her hands against the wall on either side of Dan, imprisoning him. “Then what are you so afraid of?” She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. Dan said nothing. “Besides, no one’s going to hurt me. Not when I'm carrying the heir to the throne. I’m almost two months along now.”

Dan's eyes slowly widened from realization of what she meant. No…it wasn't possible. “What…? That's not possible! Two months?” he shouted, confused and scared. “How?”

Rebecca smirked. “Well when I gave you that hand job you made a mess.” She wiggled her fingers before returning to pressing her hands to the wall. “And you didn't do anything for me, so I had to take care of myself.”

Dan couldn't believe it. He never could have imagined that the little girl he knew growing up would do something so vile. “You're sick. YOU’RE SICK!”

“You didn't leave me a choice, Dan! I am your wife! I’m supposed to carry our sons and daughters! But you weren't having it, so I did what I had to!”

“Did what you had to? You didn't need to get pregnant right away and you know it! This wasn't some noble act! You have some sick, disgusting reasoning that I probably don't even want to know!”

“You're supposed to be a king, which is hilarious! You can’t even be a proper prince!”

“Don't you _fucking dare_ put this on me!”

“I will put this on you! If you had just—!” Rebecca's sentence was cut short as her voice fell into a scream. She grabbed at her stomach. Looking down, she saw that she had begun to bleed so heavily that it soaked through her jeans and started dripping onto the floor. She looked up at Dan with a desperate and pleading expression. “The baby!”

Dan hurried past Rebecca and flung the door open, “We need a doctor! We need someone right now!” Phil came bolting out of the room across the hall. “Phil!” Dan’s voice came out like a cry for help, but it wasn’t for Rebecca’s sake.

“What? What’s going on?” asked Phil as Dan ran into his arms. “What’s happening?”

Dan squeezed Phil, pulling him close out of terror. “S-She’s here, and the baby, and I-I don’t know—!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down,” Phil cut Dan’s sentence short before he ran out of breath. He felt extremely worried. Dan’s breathing was quick and short, Phil could feel that Dan’s heart was racing, and he was shaking. “Dan it’s okay. Try taking deep breathes for me okay?” Phil guided Dan down the hallway and had him sit down. He didn’t want to leave Dan alone. Fortunately, Rebecca’s screaming attracted the attention she needed, and a medical staff showed up along with Bryant.

“I had a feeling this might happen when I found out she was pregnant,” stated Bryant making his way over to Dan and Phil. “Why didn’t you come get someone?” he snapped.

“We screamed for help,” said Phil. “We didn’t know where to go, and we didn’t want to get lost in this building.” Bryant narrowed his eyes at Phil. He felt Phil might be a bigger pain than he originally assumed.

“Sir!” said one of the Doctor’s. Bryant turned around and saw he needed to go with them. Bryant glared at Phil before taking off. Once he was out of sight, Phil practically dove to his knees to be by Dan’s side.

“Deep breaths, Dan,” he whispered. Dan followed his instructions, inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly. Some of his breaths came out very shaky, but it was partially due to that his entire body was shaking. Phil wanted to touch Dan’s shoulder or take his hands. He wanted to show some type of caring gesture, but he knew if Dan felt a hand on him he would probably fall into an even worse panic attack.

Luckily, Dan’s attack had reached its peak, and after about 20 minutes he finally calmed down completely. “What happened to me?” he asked as he pulled his legs close, curling up and attempting to hide.

“They’re called panic attacks,” whispered Phil. “I know because I get them sometimes. Your heart races, you feel a harsh ache in your chest, you can’t breathe, you shake… It’s awful.”

Dan rested his chin on his knees and shifted his gaze to meet Phil’s. “What causes it?”

“Anything that brings up past trauma can cause it. You saw Rebecca, so I’m not surprised that you fell into one.”

“So anytime I see her that’s going to happen to me?” asked Dan as he curled up as much he could. He didn’t want to experience that again, ever.

Phil bit his bottom lip nervously, trying to think of what to say. “Not necessarily. It might not have been just seeing her. Did she anything that upset you?”

“Where do I begin?” mumbled Dan.

“It’s alright. When it happens, take slow deep breaths like I showed you. Then focus on relaxing the muscles in your body. I’ve found that can help a lot.”

Dan nodded his head slowly. “Okay…thank you.” Carefully, he stood up. Phil got up as well, and they both went back into the room. “I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

“We have to tell someone,” stated Phil.

“No!” shouted Dan in a panic. “No, no, no! We can’t!”

“Why not?” Phil looked at Dan as if he was mad.

“Because if we do, what good would it do? They’ll never believe me. I’m a guy. And let’s say they believe I didn’t want to have sex with her. How do you think that’ll look for me?”

Phil realized what Dan meant. A man not wanting to have sex with a woman like Rebecca? It practically screamed gay. That’s when Phil’s eyes slowly widened. His eyes flickered to Dan, and then back to the floor. He had considered it. He had considered a lot lately, especially from the previous night, but he had tried his hardest to ignore it. If it was true, their lives were about to get 1000 times worse.

An hour passed, and the door opened, and Rebecca stepped into the room. Dan took a sharp intake of breath. Phil stood in front of him and shot Rebecca an extremely angry and hateful look. “They sure healed you up fast. I was hoping you’d be out for a few days.”

Rebecca scoffed, “Yeah? Who are you? The help?”

“Don’t talk to him like that,” said Dan firmly.

“Leave,” said Rebecca. “Dan and I need to talk.” She tried to make her way to Dan, but Phil blocked her path. “Move.”

“No,” spat Phil. Rebecca narrowed her eyes at Phil. Quickly she shoved him, making sure to get in a harsh hit at his weakest point. Phil cried out and collapsed onto the floor.

“Don’t you—!” Dan started to shout, but Rebecca cracked a slap across his face. He felt like a coward, but he was deeply afraid. He backed up until his back was against the wall.

“Don’t you tell me what to do!” shouted Rebecca. “I lost my baby! I want another one!”

“I’m not doing it,” said Dan as firmly as he could, but his voice quivered. He couldn’t conceal the fear in his eyes. Phil was struggling to get to his feet. Eventually he managed, despite the nausea and pain swimming in his stomach.

“Dan, you owe me another baby!” screamed Rebecca as she grabbed Dan’s wrist. Dan tried to back away, but he was trapped again. He looked at Rebecca as if staring into the eyes of a demon.

That's when Phil had, had enough. He shoved Rebecca away roughly. “Don't touch him! He doesn't owe you anything!”

“You stay out of this, servant boy!” Rebecca shoved Phil back. “Or do you want another kick to the balls?”

“Don't you dare talk to him like that!” snapped Dan. “And if you hurt him again I swear to God!”

Rebecca narrowed her eyes at Dan, “I was right, wasn't I? You're not just gay! You're gay for him! We can fix that!” She grabbed Dan's wrist again, and kept a firm grip. Phil went to move, and she quickly spoke up. “Stay out of it, and I'll make sure you'll never be a servant again. I'll make sure you stay here, safe and sound.” Phil glared at Rebecca, baffled at how horrible she was. He had no idea that Dan was looking at him with sheer terror. Rebecca took one step, and Phil snapped.

Phil harshly grabbed Rebecca's arm and twisted it, pulling her back and throwing her away from Dan. Rebecca cried out and tore her arm away. “You bastard!” Dan was in shock. After everything Phil went through…Phil chose to defend him.

“Touch him again and I'll break it next time!” yelled Phil harshly. Dan was taken aback. He had never seen Phil so intense. “I _will_ hurt you!”

Rebecca sneered in anger. “You dare speak to your queen that way?”

“I don't care about your title!” Phil stepped forward and in front of Dan. With his height, he towered over Rebecca much like Dan did, but he was sure to make it clear that he was bigger and stronger. “You're just a little girl that didn't get her way. He may not lay a hand on you, but if you get near him again, I will.” He turned away, and gestured for Dan to start moving. Dan walked away, and he followed behind to make sure he was in between Dan and Rebecca. He wasn't going to let her anywhere near Dan again. Then, the realization kicked in. Katrina’s voice echoed in his mind.

 _The_ second _you make a decision, everything will change. It will depend on whether you choose to protect him, or if you choose to betray him._

As Dan and Phil walked down the hall, completely unaware of where they were going, Phil knew he had made his decision.

***

Bryant stood by a hologram that was being protected from a large device that was stationed in the center of the room. The hologram was replaying everything that happened in Dan and Phil’s room. Bryant watched with careful eyes and Dan jumped from being a coward to being prepared to harm Rebecca if need be. He had a huge conundrum on his hands.

Bryant couldn’t let Rebecca accuse Dan of being gay publicly, as there was too much evidence supporting her case. He couldn’t let anything happen to Phil, because he had no idea what Dan would do. The last thing he needed was Rebecca pregnant with Dan’s child. For a long time, he had suspected the William’s family had been planning something, and it was clear that Rebecca was set on her goals for a deeper reason.

After taking a deep breath, Bryant smashed his fist onto the device, almost cracking the screen. His hands were completely tied. He couldn’t kill Rebecca, and he couldn’t let her get pregnant. He couldn’t let Dan’s reputation get any worse, but he couldn’t separate Dan and Phil without risking Dan doing something so drastic that his credit would be fully tarnished.

The device started playing the clip over again. Bryant watched sharply, seeing if he had missed anything. He watched Dan get slapped across the face and practically curl into the corner from it. He rolled his eyes. How pathetic. Then, Rebecca started shouting at Phil, and Dan’s expression changed on a dime. It was as if he was a completely different person. That’s when Bryant realized he had been playing his cards wrong all along.

“Sir,” said a man as he walked into the room. He was dressed in uniform, clearly a soldier.

“At ease,” replied Bryant as he turned off the hologram. “What is it?”

“The Howell family has contacted us. They want to know if their son has made an appearance anywhere in the proximity. How should I respond to these questions, sir?”

Bryant turned to the soldier as a sinister smirk formed on his lips. “What do you think? Tell them he’s here, but if they want him back, they’re going to have to come here personally.”

“Sir!”

“As you were.”

The soldier left the room in a hurry. Bryant turned the device back on, which immediately displayed everything where it had left off. He shook his head and made a “tsk, tsk” sound as he looked at Dan’s enraged expression. “We’re lucky you brought your weakness with you.”

***

It was night. Dan and Phil walked through the building and had quickly discovered that it was simply a place with identical rooms for people to stay. Carefully, they wandered back to the room they had been in, and Rebecca was gone. They stepped into the room and locked the door. The room was dark, but the moonlight from the window was enough to see, so neither of them bothered to turn on the light.

Out of curiosity, Dan opened one of the drawers to the dresser and discovered sleepwear. “That’s convenient,” he said. Phil looked over and saw what Dan was talking about. “We should get changed.”

“Yeah,” agreed Phil. “I’ll change in here in case she shows up.” He gestured to the toilet, “You can go in there if you’d like.” Dan smiled for a moment before it disappeared. He walked into the toilet and closed the door behind him.

After Dan changed, he opened the door slowly, making sure Phil had changed too. Phil was sat on the bed, so Dan stepped out and shut the door.

“Do you want the top or bottom?” asked Phil. Dan’s eyes widened and he shifted his gaze away from Phil and then back, as if trying to figure something out. “The beds.”

Dan mentally slapped himself. _You absolute MORON._ “Um, I don’t know,” he mumbled. He tugged at his shirt sleeve as he usually did when he was nervous. The truth was that he didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t know what to say. “It’s up to you.”

Phil studied Dan for a moment, and then it made sense. “You don’t want to be alone with her out there.” Dan looked up at Phil, but he didn’t say a word. He continued to tug at his pajama sleeve, and he stared at the ground. When he glanced up again, Phil had laid down on the bottom bunk. He walked over to the bed and reached up to grab hold of the ladder. “No.” Dan turned to Phil with an expression that was very uncertain. Phil lifted the sheets, “Come here.”

“What if someone comes in here?” whispered Dan. “I already have a lot against me…”

Phil propped himself up on his elbow and then shrugged. “The door is locked, and I think we discovered last night that I can be a ninja when I need to be.” Dan sank his teeth into the inside of his cheeks and nibbled nervously. He wanted to. He really did. “Trust me.” Dan’s hand let go of the ladder and he climbed into bed with Phil. Carefully, he crawled over Phil to lie on the inside of the bed up against the wall. He rested his head on Phil’s chest, wanting to hear his heartbeat.

Phil wrapped his arm around Dan and pulled the sheets up. He rested his head on top of Dan’s head like before. “I promise I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered. As soon as those words left his mouth, he accepted his choice even more than before. He couldn’t quite place when Dan became the most important thing in his life, but it happened. Nothing else mattered to him. Dan shed silent tears which he felt drip onto his chest. Tears of his own threatened to spill. He couldn’t stand the thought of Dan getting hurt again. “I won’t let anything happen.” Tears leaked down the sides of his face.

“There may not be anything you can do…” whispered Dan as more sadness poured out despite his best efforts to conceal it. He realized that in the past few weeks, he had shed more tears than he had in his whole life, and that made him even more depressed.

Phil pulled Dan closer and shut eyes tightly, trying to stop crying. The last time he had cried so much over a period of time was when he lost his father. “I don’t care. I’ll do whatever I have to.”

“No,” said Dan through a sob. He curled up to Phil as close as humanly possible, intertwining their legs and tightening his grip. “Because if you do they might kill you. I can’t lose you! I can’t!” Dan’s body shook through his sobs.

Phil didn’t know what else to say, so he didn’t say anything. He and Dan silently cried together. They were both so scared. They didn’t know where they truly were, or who they could trust. All they knew was that there were people out there that would hurt them.

A while later Phil fell asleep, but Dan was still awake. Dan could hear Phil’s faint snoring, and he was glad that Phil was getting rest. His crying had lessened severely, but there were still the occasional stray tears that came out without permission. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered in an almost inaudible tone. “I can’t lose you. I love you.”

***

Dan and Phil were sitting in their room. It was morning, and no one had come to them yet. They unlocked the door so it wouldn’t look suspicious. Neither of them had bothered to change out of the pajamas they found. They had no idea when they would be going anywhere, or if they would even leave the room.

Then, the door opened. Bryant stood at the threshold. Fear swam at lightning speed through Dan and Phil’s bodies. Bryant huffed and crossed his arms. “Alright, Mr. Lester, I need you to stay here.” Dan and Phil didn’t dare look at each other this time. Bryant had gone as far as to identify Phil without even using Phil’s codes. Dan and Phil knew they should be afraid. “Mr. Howell, I need you to come with me.”

Dan got up and started to follow Bryant out of the room. He made the mistake of looking over his shoulder at Phil, whom looked horrified. His eyes screamed an apology, and then he had no choice but to continue on.

Bryant led Dan out of the building across the street. Once they walked in, they made their way through a maze of floors and hallways, but eventually Bryant gestured for Dan to enter a room. Dan walked inside and was immediately scared and confused. The room was completely white. All that was in the room was a grey desk and chair. Dan had a gut wrenching feeling that there was more than meets the eye. Bryant sat in the chair and the door closed behind Dan.

“I thought I had you figured out, but boy was I wrong,” said Bryant.

“What is this?” asked Dan fearfully. “Why am I here?”

Bryant smiled, “I can’t believe it was so simple. You’re here because I thought I was going to have to take a risk with you. I was going to have to hope that you cooperated when your daddy came to get you, but it turns out that I can work you like a puppet and strings.” Dan backed away from Bryant, causing the general to laugh. “If you’re thinking of trying to run back to Philly, he’s not in that room anymore.”

Dan’s emotions flipped in an instant. He marched over to the desk and slammed his hands down onto the surface. “Where is he?” he demanded.

“Look how easy that was,” whispered Bryant. Dan’s expression changed from angry back to horrified. What had he done? “Here’s the deal,” Bryant stood to his feet. “I’ve got some business that needs to be taken care of, but I can’t do it unless your daddy gives me the green light. And that’s exactly what I intend to get from him. You will remain here, and you will act as if you want nothing more than to go home. You’re my bargaining chip to get your parents to agree to my terms and I won’t have you fuck it up.”

“I don’t know what you want, but if my father doesn’t want you to do it then I assume it’s nothing good. I won’t help you.”

Bryant placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward, getting in Dan’s face. “You’ll help me, or you won’t see Philly again.”

“Where. Is. He?” questioned Dan dangerously. He wasn’t sure why, but when it came to Phil, it was as if fear wasn’t a factor in the situation. “Tell me!”

“Guards!” shouted Bryant. In an instant, two guards stepped into the room and grabbed Dan. “Escort Mr. Howell to our containment unit until his parents arrive.”

Dan struggled greatly trying to break from the guards grasp. This time they actually had trouble holding him back. Before, he was trying to escape out of fear, but this time it was out of a protective nature and anger. “Where is he?” he screamed as he was being dragged out. “If you do _anything_ to him I will _kill_ you! I don’t care who you are! I’ll _fucking kill you_!” He was dragged out of the room and the door shut.

Bryant leaned back in his chair and made a call. He heard someone answer, and he smiled in a very sinister manner. “He’s here, and he wants his daddy.”


	10. Chapter 9

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 9:

Dan was sitting on a bed alone in a dark room. He had been taken there after being confronted by Bryant. The room had a toilet and a bed, and there was no handle on the inside. Dan was leaning against the wall trying to calm down. After being dragged away with the knowledge that they had done something to Phil, he fell into another panic attack. He was trying his hardest to take deep breaths and relax, but he was alone, and he had no idea where Phil was. His heart was pounding in his ears, his chest was severely hurting, he felt like he was choking, and the world seemed like a horrible illusion.

Dan wasn’t sure what was happening. For a while, he had no idea where he was or what was going on. He couldn’t tell what was real. “Phil…” he croaked. “Phil…!” Curling up, he buried his face in his knees and shut his eyes tightly, trying to escape. “Phil! Where are you?” He began trembling as his attack was reaching its peak. “Where are you…? This is all my fault,” he whispered to himself. “I just wanted you to be safe… I don’t care what happens to me at this point… I just want you to be safe…”

Eventually, Dan’s panic attack ended. He sat in the darkness, trying to think of ways to escape. He had to find Phil. They had to run. Then, he wondered if it was worth it. Was it worth it to always be running? Perhaps there was only one way to keep Phil safe. Two stray tears rolled down his cheeks. He was so worried he felt nauseous. As he sat there, fearful for his inevitable future, he had no idea Phil was on the other side of the wall, also curled up worrying and wondering where he was. Physically, they were mere inches apart, but mentally, it was as if oceans were separating them, and they wanted nothing more than to just know the other was safe.

Hours passed, and then the door to Dan’s room opened. In the doorframe were Bryant and two soldiers. Bryant waited as the soldiers walked into the room and practically forced Dan to his feet. “Daddy’s here.” Dread filled Dan’s entire being, but he knew what was going to have to happen.

Dan was escorted to a different building. He was standing next to Bryant. Bryant was sitting at his desk, and the same two soldiers stood right next to Dan. He waited, terrified for what was to come.

Shortly after everything was situated, the door to the room opened, and Mr. and Mrs. Howell stepped into the room.

“Daniel, sweetie!” exclaimed Mrs. Howell as she ran over and embraced her son. Dan returned the gesture.

“Mum…” he whispered. As he hugged his mother, he opened his eyes and glanced at his father, whom was looking at him as if he had murdered an innocent soul. His mother pulled away and walked back over to her husband.

Bryant smirked at Mr. Howell, enjoying seeing Pacis’ king looking so painfully distraught. “I’d say we have some terms to discuss.”

“What do you want?” snapped Mr. Howell.

“You know what I want,” sneered Bryant. “I want my damn resources! I’m barely keeping things at bay here!”

“I’m not giving you that,” stated Mr. Howell firmly.

Mrs. Howell looked at Mr. Howell desperately. “But, honey! What about, Daniel?” she asked in a pleading tone.

“She’s right,” informed Bryant as he stood up. “You give me the resources, or you won’t see your son again.” Mr. Howell said nothing. Dan looked at his father, and he was in shock. He looked a mix of stunned and hurt. He wanted nothing less than to go home, but to think that his father actually didn’t want him…

“Dad…?” whispered Dan as tears pricked at his eyes.

Mr. Howell’s gaze shifted to Dan, but his expression remained cold. He turned back to Bryant, “The answer is no.”

Dan’s heart shattered. He didn’t know what was going on, but despite that, he couldn’t believe his father would leave him behind. Mrs. Howell burst into tears. She attempted to run to Dan, but the soldiers blocked her path.

“Please!” she cried out. “Just let me hold my son…” Tears streamed down her face. Suddenly, Dan roughly pushed past the soldiers and hugged his mother. The soldiers were about to pull them apart, but Bryant raised his hand, signaling them to stop.

Dan embraced his mother tightly, breaking down into tears along with her. “I love you, mum…” he said.

“I love you, baby…” Mrs. Howell could barely hold it together.

Dan kept his arms around his mother, and then he looked up at his father. Mr. Howell simply watched him, his expression the same as before. He narrowed his eyes at his father. “You can go to hell for all I care,” he spat.

“We’re leaving,” stated Mr. Howell firmly. “Let’s go.”

Mrs. Howell pulled away from Dan. She kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t trust anyone, sweetie,” she whispered in his ear. “Whatever you do. Not a single soul here.”

Dan kissed her cheek in return. “There’s one person I can trust here,” he whispered in her ear. “But I don’t know where he is. They took him, and I’m scared.”

“ _Now_ ,” snapped Mr. Howell.

Mrs. Howell quickly walked away and returned to her husband. The two left the room, leaving Dan scared and broken. Dan stood in place, just staring at the empty space that his parents filled only a moment ago. He stared at the space where they rejected him, where they decided to leave him. No, it was his father that left him, not his mother. His father was the one that abandoned him and didn’t care.

Bryant stood to his feet and approached Dan. “It’s alright, son,” he said in a condescending tone as he placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder. Dan quickly tore away and took a step back.

“Don’t touch me,” he said as firmly as he could, but his tone was shaky from deep rooted fear.

“There’s still so much I have to learn about you.”

Dan took another step away from Bryant. “I did what you asked. Where’s Phil?”

“Do I have my resources?”

“It’s not my fault your plan didn’t work! I did everything I could! My father didn’t want me! Phil isn’t involved in this! Where is he?” demanded Dan getting more scared and angry.

Bryant crossed his arms, “You don’t get it do you? Philly is involved in this because he’s involved with _you._ ”

“He’s not involved with me,” stated Dan in a calm voice. His heart began racing. What would make Bryant think that? Had Bryant come in the room the first night that he and Phil cuddled in bed? What had Bryant seen? Dan’s mind was bouncing along the walls trying to figure it out, and he soon realized it didn’t matter. Bryant had decided that he and Phil were involved together and that put Phil in danger.

“Right,” Bryant stifled a laugh. “Either way, I’ll have to make some use of you.” He looked to his soldiers. “Please escort Danny, here to his room.”

Dan scoffed, “What happened to ‘Mr. Howell’ or do you get tired of keeping track of your nick names for people?”

“I don’t think you’re a Howell anymore. Your father made that clear when he turned away from you.” Bryant’s words slammed into Dan where it hurt. Dan struggled against the soldiers again, screaming about Phil, wanting to know where he was. Bryant watched with a mix of curiosity and amusement. He wondered just how useful the two could be when they were apart.

***

Phil was sitting in his room, his back to the wall. He didn’t feel like sitting on the bed. He wanted to be in the deepest, darkest corner of the room. All he could think about was Dan. His worry grew with each passing minute. He just wanted to know that Dan was okay. Even if they had to be apart, he wanted to be sure Dan was safe.

Over time, Phil started realizing that there was something deeper to his decision to defend Dan from Rebecca. He asked himself, “When did Dan become the most important thing?” It seemed to have happened in that exact moment. Surely something like that should have been gradual. Maybe it was, and he just couldn’t see it. To him, it was as if in an instant, his world shifted and everything changed. That’s when he started wondering if that happened to Dan as well.

Phil thought back to when he first met Dan. Dan walked into the room and said hello. It was so simple, yet Phil remembered looking up and seeing Dan’s expression. At first it was confusing. Dan had a look on his face like he was gazing upon something. And from that point on, he went out of his way for Phil. Phil hadn’t realized it, but quickly, what Katrina said made sense.

_He’s very quick to love or hate._

Phil wasn’t sure how to feel about the new information, mainly because it made him worry about Dan more. How far would Dan go to protect him? How far would Dan go to find him? What if Dan was forced back home? In a fit of anger and fear, Phil slammed his fist into the wall, as if trying to let his emotions out.

“Hey! Keep it down!” said a voice. Phil could just barely hear it through the wall.

“Who’s there?” he asked. When no one responded, he said it a bit louder, almost shouting. “Who are you?”

The voice spoke again, “I’m Janice. You are?”

“My name’s Phil…” Phil shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t know that someone could hear him through the wall. He wondered if she had heard him cry. Without warning, he started hearing a repeated thump sound. “What is that?”

“It’s a rubber ball I play with when I get bored.” She threw it against the floor so that it would bounce up, hit the wall, and fly back so she could catch it. “Want one? I have like six of them.”

Phil’s eyes shifted around. He was extremely confused. “How would you give it to me?”

“Stick your hands through the food slot.” Janice got up and laid on the floor on her stomach so she could do as she just instructed Phil. Hesitantly, Phil stuck his hand out of the food slot which was at the bottom of the door. “Here.” Janice rolled the ball over, and Phil caught it.

Phil scooted back to the wall and sat up. “Thank you,” he said. “I’m sure this’ll make things a little less boring. Or at least it’ll give me something to do instead of just sitting here worrying.”

“What are you in here for?”

“Um,” Phil paused. Why was he in the room? “I’m not exactly sure. I came here with a friend, and they asked me to leave the room so they could talk to him. Next thing I knew, I was knocked out, and I woke up here.” His heart dropped into his stomach. “I have no idea where he is… I don’t know what they’ve done.”

“Who was he? You don’t make friends in Pacis. I know this. Were you two lovers?”

Phil’s eyes widened and he shook his head, despite no one being there to see. “No, no! We’re just friends. He…” What did he have to lose? “He was the prince. Daniel Howell. I was just a servant, but I guess for some reason he decided that I deserved a second chance. After he got married and everyone was in his estate, we ran.” Janice started laughing and pounding her fist on the wall. “What’s so funny?”

“Okay, okay,” said Janice calming down from her laughter. “I’m sorry. Are you serious? The prince just decided to take you with him? The prince decided to run away from martini’s on the front porch?”

“Hey! You don’t know what he went through!” snapped Phil. “He went through hell in that place!”

Janice crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall. She continued to throw her ball around the room. “Really? Like what?”

Phil thought for a moment. What Dan went through was private, and if Janice told anyone it would look horrible. “I can’t tell you, but he did. So he decided to leave, and he took me with him.”

“Okay, let’s say I believe you. What I don’t believe is that he just ‘decided you deserved a second chance’ or whatever shit you said. He likes you, possibly loves you.”

“No, he doesn’t,” said Phil firmly, however his voice quivered just enough that a smirk appeared on Janice’s lips.

“No one can know he’s queer, I get it. I don’t care. I’m going to either in die in here or be killed in here. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

Phil started bouncing his ball around the room, trying to figure out a good way to make sure it came back to him to where he could catch it. “What are you in here for?”

“I called my superior low life scum to his face,” she chirped.

“You sound happy…”

Janice laughed again. “I’m finally going to die. Yes, I’m happy. It’s hell here.”

“I don’t even know what this place is…”

“And yet you and lover boy ran here all the way from the Community? What did you expect?”

Phil threw the ball across the room angrily. It bounced back, but he didn’t bother catching it. “We thought it was sanctuary. We found information on it that said it was a place where people could go to and start over.”

Janice laughed harder than she had before. Several moments passed before she stopped. “W-where did you hear that?” she snickered and continued giggling.

“He found it at his fiancée’s house. Why? What is this place?”

“It doesn’t matter. You and lover boy will either be dead or brainwashed before you find out half of what’s going on here.”

Phil held his knees to his chest, “So…is there any hope? I’m scared… I don’t know where he is…”

Janice sighed, “I’d like to tell you there’s hope, but the truth is, they’ll either make you forget who you are, or they’ll cut your food someday. They cut mine three days ago.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. I’m ready to leave.”

Phil felt his eyes getting droopy. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he was tired. “I’m going to go to bed. My bed’s on the other side of the room.”

“Be free, my friend. For sleep is only freedom you’ll see.”

Phil didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. He climbed into bed and lay facing the wall. Closing his eyes, he did his best to stay calm. Everything Janice said was terrifying. Phil had so many questions, but more than anything he just wondered if Dan was alright.

***

Dan lay in his bed facing the wall. He had been crying for a while, but now he was starting to feel as if he couldn’t feel anything. He felt numb. After rolling up his sleeve, he began digging his nails into his skin, attempting to see if he could even feel physical pain. He winced and whined quietly when he broke the skin. This time there were no bandages, and Phil wasn’t there to help him. So he laid there, not caring about the blood dripping down his arm.

A few moments passed, and Dan’s wounds sealed up with thick blood clots, but he truly didn’t care in those moments. The person he needed more than anyone else was gone, his parents abandoned him, and he had no idea what Bryant wanted with him.

Dan started digging his nails into other spots on his arm. Tears started gathering in his eyes, but his expression remained flat. He tore his skin again, and the pain caused the tears to fall. Physically he was hurt and bleeding, but emotionally he felt dead. Part of him didn’t mind feeling numb. It meant that he wouldn’t start having another panic attack. Then he wondered if he was numb, or if he was just so upset that he couldn’t feel any other emotion.

With each passing minute, Dan could feel another piece of himself break off and shatter. It was as if everything happening was slowly pulling him apart and then breaking individual pieces into even smaller fragments of who he was. His father’s words played over and over in his mind.

_The answer is no._

_The answer is no._

_The answer is no._

Tears rolled down Dan’s face, and he eventually curled up as tightly as he could and waited for exhaustion to take over.

***

It was the middle of the night. Alex had waited for Rebecca to fall asleep before she even dared climbing out of bed. Quietly, she tip-toed over to the door and stepped outside. She closed the door behind her and waited. When it was obvious the coast was clear, she wandered down the hallway. She had heard of all the commotion, but she truly had no idea where Dan and the servant boy were.

Alex was pretty sure she heard about a “containment unit” across the street, so that’s where she went. She crept through the building, keeping her eyes and ears sharp. Down the hall, she could see a faint light. She walked over and could just barely see white light coming from a door that was cracked. She looked through the crack of the door. Inside was Bryant. He was standing over a machine that was displaying holograms.

The hologram was displaying Dan in a room with who Alex assumed was the servant, and Rebecca. Dan looked extremely angry, sneering at Rebecca and seemingly defending the server. Bryant touched Dan’s head, and hologram displayed what appeared to be Dan’s brain. Bryant began picking the diagram apart, bringing up information. The hologram displayed high levels of epinephrine in Dan’s brain, which was associated with the servant’s endangerment. Alex placed her hand over her mouth. Was Rebecca correct? What was going on?

Bryant continued studying Dan’s brain with the advanced technology, picking apart pieces and linking behaviors together. Alex watched carefully, trying to understand. Then, she heard footsteps. She flew down the hall and around the corner. Cautiously, she peaked around the corner and saw a soldier walk into the room. She approached the door, and resumed her position to spy.

“Sir!” the soldier saluted Bryant.

“At ease,” replied Bryant not taking his eyes off of his project.

“Is there anything to report back, sir?”

Bryant huffed in frustration. “Nothing we don’t already know. The person he seems to care about the most right now if Philip Lester. Probably his only friend.”

“Permission to make a recommendation, sir?”

“Permission granted. I need to figure out how this can be more useful.”

The soldier approached the hologram and pulled up the ventral tegmental area of Dan’s brain. “It might be wise to check his dopamine and norepinephrine levels, sir.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, soldier. We bred anything related to homosexuality straight out of the Howell family. There is no biological way.”

“With all do respect, sir, mistakes can happen.”

Bryant rolled his eyes. “Fine. Pull it up.” The soldier pressed his index finger and thumb to a piece of the display, and then spread his fingers apart, enlarging the information. The hologram displayed high levels of both dopamine and norepinephrine. “Holy shit. I can’t believe we got a hiccup.”

“This could be much more useful than we expected, sir.”

“It could be, because with the right adjustments,” Bryant pulled up Dan’s epinephrine levels when Phil was threatened. “We might be able to turn this into our favor. We’ll need to bring him in for testing.”

“Should I go get him, sir?”

“Yes, and make it fast.”

The soldier headed towards the door, and Alex quickly backed away. Alex fled down the hall and made a sharp turn, disappearing down another corridor. Her breathing was rapid, but she made sure to stay quiet. Her heart was racing. What was going on? What did they need Dan so badly for? After the soldier passed her, she went into extreme panic. She had to help Dan, but she didn’t know how. However, she knew that knowing where Dan was might help, so carefully she followed the soldier.

Eventually the soldier walked down the hall of prison rooms. Alex poked her head from around the corner and watched. The soldier opened the door, and soon enough he yanked Dan out of the room. Alex’s heart broke when she saw Dan. Dan had obviously been crying. He was pale, as if he had been sick as well. He struggled against the soldier, screaming for answers.

“Where is he?” demanded Dan. “It’s not my fault my parents didn’t want me!”

Alex pressed her hand over her mouth, stifling a sob. She quickly fled, knowing that things would only get worse if she was spotted. She ran, scared and confused, heading back to where her and Rebecca were staying.

Once Alex arrived back at the room, she quietly opened the door and stepped inside. Her heart dropped into her stomach when she saw that Rebecca was wide awake, sitting on the bed, clearly waiting.

“Where were you?” asked Rebecca sharply.

Alex closed the door, turning away from Rebecca as she did, trying to buy herself a moment to get her story straight. “I was using the toilet, and then I got hungry and I was looking for someone, but when I couldn’t find anyone I came back.”

“Whatever,” replied Rebecca with a flick of her hair and an eye roll. “I’ve got to figure something out, and you need to help me!”

“Help you with what?”

“I need to get pregnant!”

Alex’s emotions flared up. “Why is that so god damn important?” she asked with anger rising in her voice. “Why do you need to have his child? You got what you want! He’s here and his family is probably in ruins! So why do you have to have a baby to add into the mess?”

“That’s none of your business!” Rebecca stood to her feet. “Your job is to help me!”

“Excuse me? I came here with you because you’re my best friend! But I’m beginning to think that I don’t even know you! I’m not doing anything until I know what’s going on, Becky!”

“You want to know what’s going on? Fine! I need Dan’s child because it’s the only way my family can have access to everything!”

Alex threw her hands up, “What the fuck is everything?”

“Information! We need access to information and only a Howell can get it! Everything in that estate is on lock down! You need Howell DNA, blood cells, everything, to open up a single file!”

Alex was baffled and confused. What could possibly be so important that Rebecca would go as far as raping Dan to get pregnant with his child? “What is so important that you would go so far?”

“There’s more to this world than you know, Alex. And the Howell’s are putting us all in danger! They give too much, so my family needs to stop it!”

“You do realize you sound _mad_ right now?” Alex ran her fingers through her hair. “Why, why can’t you just get Dan to do it? Take him home and have him give you access. He’s already afraid of you.” Anger rose in her voice again.

Rebecca narrowed her eyes at Alex. “If it were that simple don’t you think I would have done that? We need Dan out of the way, and his parents discredited. That’s why I was going to rat Dan out after I got pregnant!”

Alex’s eyes widened slowly. She took a step back, terrified of the monster in front of her. “You were going to have him _killed_?” she screamed.

“Hush!” snapped Rebecca. “Yes, I was going to publicly announce it, leaving Mr. and Mrs. Howell no choice. With Dan gone, and their reputations destroyed, they’d be kicked to the streets. I’d have the baby, and then my family could finally secure the Community and keep it safe!”

“Safe? Safe from what? Becky what is going on?” questioned Alex with rage and fear in her voice.

“You don’t need to know. All you need to know is that I need to get to Dan before anyone else does. He’s dangerous.” Alex walked over to her bed and grabbed her bag. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving! I won’t be a part of this! I won’t help you hurt him!” Tears gathered in Alex’s eyes.

Rebecca approached Alex and grabbed her wrist. “What do you care anyway?”

“What do I care?” Alex tore her wrist away. “I care because he’s my friend! I’ve known him since we were little kids! You may be a heartless bitch, but I’m not!”

“You’re not leaving. You know too much.”

Alex scoffed. “Please. You know as well as I do that’s all hearsay. I have no proof. I’m leaving.” Quickly, she left the room and the building as fast as she could. Once she was outside, she was met with a downpour of rain, and only the street lights to guide her path. She sat on the corner of the street and began crying. She couldn’t remember the last time she was so scared and confused. What was the Williams family possibly going to do? What did Tuarium want with Dan? What was going on?

Alex knew she could easily call for a ride home, claiming to be homesick, but she didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to go back to a place full of lies and deceit. She hugged legs close to her body and placed her forehead on her knees. Tears rolled down her cheeks and melted with the rain. After a while, she slung her bag over her shoulder and stood up. She began walking, having no idea where she was going, and she didn’t care.

***

Phil was sat on the floor tossing his ball around. He hadn’t even touched the meal they had slid under the door for him, despite his stomach’s constant protest. He was starving, but he didn’t want to eat. Tossing the ball over and over, he fell into a trance. Staring ahead, his arm following through with the motions of tossing and catching almost without the need for thought, he wondered what his purpose was. Clearly his purpose didn’t have to do with his family; they were all dead.

A little time passed, and Phil gave up on throwing the ball. He just sat in the dark, having not moved his position aside to rest his arm. What was the point? He couldn’t do anything to help Dan. That’s when it struck him. Dan. Maybe…maybe his purpose was to help Dan. He ran it all through his mind, tracing back through the events in his life. He hadn’t been able to help his father, or his brother, and then he was taken from his mother. However, after six years of being away, he met Dan, and for the first time he actually helped someone. At least, he was pretty certain he helped Dan. After all, Dan wouldn’t have even known where the back exit to the kitchen was.

It all made sense to Phil. Maybe the bad things happened so that he could help Dan. It was clear that Dan was someone important, someone everyone wanted to use. Perhaps it was his purpose to protect Dan, a strange instinct he felt when Rebecca was threatening the younger man.

Phil sighed deeply, accepting the darkness and loneliness. Then, he was certain heard Dan’s voice.

“Where is he?” demanded Dan. Phil’s head shot up, scrambling to his feet and running to press his ear to the door to listen. “It’s not my fault my parents didn’t want me!”

“Dan…?” Phil whispered to himself. The voice was muffled and hard to hear through the door, but he was almost positive it was Dan, and if it was… “Dan!”

“Just let him go!” shouted Dan as he was being dragged. The soldier was struggling to contain Dan by himself, and he was considering calling for backup. Phil could hear the muttering voices of another person, which he assumed was whoever was restraining Dan. He couldn’t see what was happening, but he just knew. Adrenaline pumped through his veins.

“Dan!” he pounded his fist on the door over and over. “Dan!” He began roughly colliding into the door with his shoulder, which was a pointless attempt to break down the door. “DAN!”

Dan’s head shot up and turned the direction of the door. “Phil?” he shouted.

Phil heard his name, and he was equally relieved and scared. “Dan!” He kept trying to break down the door, but it was becoming clear that the act was futile. Phil held his shoulder and winced, wondering if he had severely damaged himself. “DAN!”

“PHIL!” Now Dan was really fighting back against the soldier, whom was calling for backup after the realization that Dan had a strong purpose to get away. “PHIL!” More soldiers appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and it didn’t take them long to restrain Dan and begin dragging him away. “LET GO!” Those words caused dread and fear to flood through Phil’s entire being. “PHIL!!!”

“Leave him alone!” shouted Phil as he switched to his other shoulder and tried once again to break down the door. His actions proven fruitless caused him to fall into panic. There it was. That strange instinct was kicking in, and being able to do nothing left Phil feeling more vulnerable since he knew Dan was just outside the door. The voices faded, and he knew Dan was gone.

Phil sank to a seated position, and his breathing became difficult and rapid. He felt the shakes coming on, and he felt his heart racing. It didn’t take him long to realize that he was falling to a very severe panic attack, but he didn’t understand why. His attacks were always triggered by anything related to being taken from his mother. It was the first time that something else caused it. He knew he cared about Dan and was extremely worried, but to begin suffering from a panic attack? It was a new weakness that left him feeling even more afraid.


	11. Chapter 10

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 10:

Dan’s eyes slowly opened to a dark and fuzzy world. When his vision cleared, he took a sharp intake of breath and started looking around in a panic. He was in the car that had crashed, and he could feel blood dripping down the side of his face. His eyes landed on Phil, whom was also bleeding from his head.

“No! Phil!” he shouted as he scrambled towards Phil. He kicked the door to the car open and began pulling Phil out of the car. Laying Phil on the ground, he checked his heart. Phil’s heart beat was slow, but it was steady. “Come on, Phil. It’s going to be okay.” He checked his surroundings. Nothing seemed to be near, aside from the smoking car. He quickly decided that being close to the car was dangerous. Picking Phil up, holding the older man by his legs and back, he swiftly made his way away from the vehicle.

Dan lay Phil down again and gently cupped his face. “Please…you’ve got to wake up…”

“Stop!” shouted a voice. Dan turned around to see a soldier. His heart jumped into his throat. He didn’t know what to do. “Give me the servant.”

“No!” shouted Dan firmly as he took a protective stance by Phil. The soldier slowly approached, causing Dan to clench his fists.

The soldier was only a small distance away, “Make this easy.”

“You’ll have to kill me before you touch him!” Dan stood his ground. Despite that his heart was pounding in his chest and singing in his ears, he wasn’t about to move. The soldier made one move forward, and that was it. Dan launched a punch, hitting the solider square in the nose. He quickly grabbed the soldier’s shoulders, pulling the army man down and ramming his knee into the man’s jaw.

Dan threw the soldier to the ground and turned away. As fast as he could, he scooped up Phil and ran. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. He felt absolutely terrified. Sure, he was able to take on one soldier, but how many would be after him now that he was on the run?

All too soon, he was surrounded by dozens of army men. He held Phil close to his body, wishing that there was something he could do. Tears pricked at his eyes. He wasn’t going to be able to protect Phil. “I’m sorry…” he whispered. Then, the simulation ended.

Bryant was sat in his chair, watching the simulation carefully. When it ended, he closed his screen and turned to Dan, who was strapped down in a full body chair. Dan was unconscious, and had no idea about the simulation. When he awoke, he wouldn’t remember it.

Bryant couldn’t help but to begin to laugh. He had completely forgotten that the royal family all went through training at some points in their life, that way if something went wrong, they could defend themselves. Dan was more than capable of taking on a soldier, possibly even two. Bryant scoffed. The boy was so emotionally weak, that he forgot that the prince could handle himself. He found it equally fascinating and useful that Dan was so easily brought to violence when it came to protecting Phil. If Dan wasn’t going to be of use to him outside the battle field, he was going to make the prince useful to him on the battlefield. All he had to figure out was how to make him the most dangerous killing machine he could be.

The process was slow and careful. Bryant put Dan through several simulations, making the prince go through different scenarios. He noticed that after a while of simply defending himself, Dan would start to ware out. However, if Dan was protecting Phil, the adrenaline kept him going much longer. Bryant almost felt pity for Dan. How must it be to care so little for yourself that you would eventually give up?

It didn’t take Bryant long to figure out the best way to make use of Dan. However, actually altering the way Dan perceives the world around him, now that was going to be difficult. Creating illusions in real time was still an experimental process; it was something that hadn’t been tested on the battlefield yet. Bryant wasn’t sure if Dan was worth risking in the test. After all, Dan was valuable, but just how valuable?

“Sir,” said a voice. Bryant turned to see Lieutenant General Dante Barnett. He was a tall man with dark green eyes. His muscle mass was close to matching Bryant’s, but there was enough of a difference to be seen. “How is everything coming along?”

“There’s good news and bad news,” replied Bryant. Dante looked at him expectantly. “The good news, Danny here is definitely a fighter. The bad news, he’s only a fighter when he’s protecting someone. If he’s defending himself, he weakens almost immediately. It’s kind of pathetic.”

“You want to test the real time manipulations on him, don’t you?”

“I want to; I just don’t know if it’s worth the risk. He’s proven himself, but he’s still a Howell. If I screw him up, it could end badly simply because of his DNA. Whether his parents give a damn right now or not, he has their DNA and they will need him eventually. I just can’t wait for them to be on their death beds either.”

Dante let out a frustrated sigh. “When will they see that we can win this if they just give us what we need?”

“You’re telling me. They won’t risk their precious Community. They’d rather live in protected comfort than risk themselves for a split second. Even though it means we could finally end this.”

“And what are we going to do with the Williams girl? She’s hell bent on getting her hands on him,” Dante gestured to Dan.

Bryant crossed his arms, “My guess is that the Williams want to completely shut us down. Shield the Community and leave the rest to be destroyed. Why else would she need Howell DNA so badly?”

“It seems to be the most plausible case. Should we arrange an accident?”

“Not yet, but we do need to keep her away from him. Not only is she dangerous, but something happened, and he goes into an absolute fit when he sees her. And trust me; it’s not a fit we can use. It almost seems like PTSD of some sort.”

Dante’s eyebrows rose. “Really? That’s interesting. I wonder if we can transform that severe fear into rage. If we can, we might be able to have a full-fledged killer under our control.”

Bryant smiled wickedly. “I like the way you think. The question is, how are we going to perform these experiments and not risk killing him?” Dante began laughing. “What?”

“It’s so simple. The Williams girl wants to create another Howell, so let her.”

“Nine months isn’t too long to wait. If anything happens to Danny, we have a backup. I like it. And if it comes to that, all we have to do is kill her after the baby is born.”

Dante smiled sinisterly, “Now all we have to do is figure out the most efficient way to get this done.”

“Oh that’s simple,” Bryant walked over to a device and pulled up two holograms. One was of Phil, the other was of Rebecca. “It’s like a puzzle, and I love nothing more than when all that’s left to do is switch around two pieces.”

***

Alex had been wandering aimlessly. She was surprised that no one had called her out or taken her back to Rebecca, but perhaps no one was paying much attention. With everything that seemed to be going on, it didn’t seem so strange that no one really cared about the brunette stumbling around through the city. Alex’s mind hadn’t stopped trying to figure things out since she left Rebecca. She just wanted to understand, but nothing made sense. More than anything, she wanted to help, but she wasn’t even sure what she was helping with.

Slowly, Alex stumbled along the street, her body protesting the lack of sleep and food. She tripped, falling to her knees, and she began to sob. She brought her face to her hands as she cried, as if trying to shield the confused and frightened girl that she had become. Without meaning to, she let out a cry and curled up on the side of the road. Then, she heard the clacking of shoes.

***

Dan’s eyes slowly peeled open. He sat up and let out pained groan. His head was throbbing like a heartbeat. Bringing his hand to his head, he winced as he looked around, trying to get his vision to clear. There was a blurry image in front of him. “Huh?” He gently rubbed his eyes, and then opened them again. In front of him was Rebecca. Relief washed over him. “Oh my god!” he jumped up and threw his arms around her. “Becky…I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Rebecca returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around Dan’s waist. “I’m so glad to see you! I was so worried!”

“I was worried too,” he pulled away. Gingerly, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m…I can’t even express how happy I am that you’re alright.”

“I feel the same way,” she stood on her tip-toes and gently pressed her lips against Dan’s. Dan reciprocated the kiss, gently dipping his tongue into her mouth.

Dan pulled away and gently cupped her face. “I just…I’m not sure what happened. Everything is an awful blur in my memory. I remember…I don’t remember much of anything. All I can recall is seeing you dragged away. I’m not even completely certain where we are.”

“We’re safe, but we need to hurry.”

“Hurry where?”

Rebecca smiled softly, “Just come with me.” She took his hand and began to lead him out of the room and down the halls. Eventually they came to a room. They walked inside, and she closed and locked the door. Dan looked at her curiously, and she responded by taking his hand and leading him over to one of the beds. “There’s no time to explain. Your family needs an heir and soon.”

“What? Becky what’s going on?” Dan sat down on the bed next to Rebecca, who was running low on patience.

“Just, trust me. Because of how things are run at home, they need an heir as fast as possible. Don’t think about it,” she gently cupped his face. “Just kiss me.” She brought Dan’s mouth down to her own. Dan reciprocated, but suddenly something didn’t feel right. Then, his head started viciously throbbing.

“AH!” he cried out in pain, bringing both of his hands to his head. “Ah! OW! FUCK!” The pounding in his head was like no pain he had ever felt, brutally pulsating in his skull. It felt like his brain was smashing against the inside of his skull over and over. The ache was so bad that his vision started to blur.

Becky slapped her hand over her mouth. Dammit! This just _had_ to go wrong. “Dan! Honey? Are you alright?” Dan didn’t respond to her. He kept his hands on his head, screaming out in agony. “Dan focus on me! Dan! DAN!” She tried getting his attention, but it wasn’t working.

Finally, the pain stopped. Dan brought his hands down and took a deep breath. However, when he opened his eyes, he saw Rebecca and immediately jumped up and backed away. “S-Stay away from me!”

“Dan,” Rebecca slowly stood up. “Dan, it’s okay. You’re just confused.”

“No, I’m not! Stay away from me! Don’t touch me!” Dan started feeling his chest tighten and ache severely. He cursed everything. The last thing he needed was to fall into a panic attack, making him that much more vulnerable.

“Dan, we just need to take you to Bryant and have you fixed,” Rebecca slowly reached for Dan’s hand. Dan retracted his hand, and stepped back. “We can fix this! Just think of me like you think of that stupid servant!” she reached for him again.

Dan harshly slapped Rebecca’s hand away. “Don’t you say that! You don’t know any—!” his voice fell into a scream as the atrocious torment bouncing in his skull returned. Images flashed through his memory, but nothing made sense.

Suddenly, Dan remembered running away with Phil, but that didn’t make sense. Phil had raped him. No, Rebecca had done it to him, but that couldn’t be; they were married. He screamed in pain and confusion, not understand the rapid images that seemed to lead to nothing but misconceptions.

“Dan, calm down!” Rebecca grabbed at Dan’s arms. Dan tried to tear away from her, but his body was too weak. Immediately, he collapsed. “God dammit!” Rebecca turned around when she heard the door open. She saw Bryant, and she screamed at him. “Look what happened! You said you fixed him! You said he’d remember everything the way things were supposed to happen!”

“Quiet! Get him back to the lab and it’ll be fine,” shouted Bryant. Two soldiers then walked into the room and carried Dan out. “You stay here and wait.” Bryant slammed the door shut and kicked the door handle off, making sure that Rebecca couldn’t leave the room and cause him more problems.

In the lab, Bryant watched carefully as his hired scientists hooked Dan up to various machinery. They strapped him down in case he began to squirm. Holograms of his memories appeared on their panel they were working with. Dan was writhing in the chair, as his body didn’t know how to react to having his brain prodded and memories rearranged.

Suddenly, the room filled with a thick smoke. Everyone was unable to see, and they all began to choke. A gun began to fire, causing shouts to fill the room as people were shot down. Bryant didn’t think twice. He knew his life was the most valuable aside from Dan, and he couldn’t get to the boy without getting shot. Through a back door, he fled, leaving everyone behind.

When the smoke cleared, everything was revealed. All of the men were on the ground dead, blood pooling around their bodies. Dan was still viciously fighting against the processes being done to his brain.

“Dan!” Phil ran inside the room alongside Alex. They both approached Dan, scared and having no idea how to help him. “We have to do something!”

“We need to figure out how to stop the machines,” said Katrina as she stepped into the room, gun in hand. She stood guard by the door and kept the gun raised up. “I’ll stand watch; you two figure out how to stop everything!”

“How?” shouted Phil, panic rising in his voice as he watched Dan struggle.

Alex quickly began trying to unhook Dan from the wires and machines. “Phil, help me with this!”

Phil and Alex worked as fast as they could. Eventually, Dan was free from everything, but he was unconscious. Phil picked Dan up by the knees and back, the same way Dan had carried him in the past.

“Alright, move! We don’t have much time!” Katrina gestured for Phil and Alex to ahead of her. They all made sure the coast was clear, and then they ran.

***

Alex sat in the passenger seat of the car and stared at Katrina, still scared and confused. Phil was in the back seat, holding Dan closely. Dan lay with his head on Phil’s lap, still passed out.

“Remind me how you got your hands on a gun and a car,” whispered Alex.

Katrina let out a small chuckle, “I use to live in the Community. I didn’t give Dan and Phil the entire truth. I knew they wouldn’t trust me if I did. The only truth I did give to them was the fact that I’m a palm reader. I didn’t care for life in the Community, so I left. I took my weapon, my money, and I left. I’ve been living comfortably ever since. That was…” she paused. Her knuckles turned white as she tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “That was until Dan and Phil showed up not too far from my home. I was taking a walk when I spotted them. I heard the announcement, and when I saw them, I knew I had to do something. I left the Community because I knew there had to be something wrong, something corrupt. No one can live a perfect life without someone else paying.”

Alex felt tears gather in her eyes. “All of the servants…”

“I knew there had to be more, but I just didn’t know what it could possibly be. Now I see. There’s something out there, Alex. There’s something beyond our borders. That’s why we have a fully equipped government hiding in the vast wastelands that we assumed were empty. But…there must be more that even I don’t know.”

“This whole time…they’ve been lying to us. It makes me wonder…Rebecca…” Alex wiped at her tears.

_“There’s more to this world than you know, Alex. And the Howell’s are putting us all in danger! They give too much, so my family needs to stop it!”_

“Rebecca mentioned that the Howell’s are putting us in danger. She said that her family has to stop it, and that they need access to information,” said Alex as she did her best to recall what Rebecca had spat at her. Katrina sighed. She knew exactly what that meant, but she didn’t know how to say it.

“Dan…” whispered Phil. Alex turned around to look, and Katrina looked through the rearview mirror. Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s hair. “You need to wake up… Please…”

Katrina parked her car in her garage and stepped out. Alex got out and opened the car for Phil. Phil carried Dan out and into the house. He laid Dan on the couch, and then he carefully positioned Dan to rest his head on his lap again.

“He should wake up soon,” said Katrina as she walked up to Phil. “I’ll make tea for when he does.”

“Thank you…” replied Phil quietly, trying to stay level headed and calm.

A small amount of time passed, and then Dan began to stir.

“Dan?” shouted Phil. He helped Dan sit upright on the couch. “A-Are you okay?” Dan’s eyes peeled open, and he looked confused. “Dan? Are you okay?”

Dan slowly nodded his head, “Y-Yes, I’m fine, but…”

“But what?”

“But…who are you?”


	12. Chapter 11

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 11:

Phil stared at Dan in disbelief. It…wasn’t possible. This couldn’t be happening. Dan looked back at him with blankness in his eyes. Suddenly Phil realized the gleam of pure adoration and love that Dan now lacked in gaze. His eyes began to well with tears. He felt his heart ache in his chest. Why…? Why did this happen?

“Are you okay?” asked Dan innocently. “What’s your name?”

“I-I’m Phil…” Phil’s choked out. “Excuse me.” He got to his feet and ran into Katrina’s toilet.  Sinking to the floor in a seated position, he held his head in his hands and curled his legs to his body. He used his elbows to bring his knees and legs close. Memories played through his mind as tears rolled down his cheeks in an endless stream.

_“I never got to see the stars so clearly back home. Everyone always had lights on, or their pools would glow for nightly swims, there was always something. But, here, it’s clear. It’s almost like a crystal or glass.”_

_“I’m so sorry, Phil. I just wanted to get us somewhere we’d be safe.”_

_“I wasn’t going to leave you behind.”_

_“I just want you to be safe.”_

_“What is that?” asked Dan with a scared expression._

_“Dan,” Phil tried to stop laughing. “Calm down. They’re just lightening bugs.”_

_Dan looked at Phil as if he was crazy. “Lightening…bugs?”_

_“Don't you dare talk to him like that! And if you hurt him again I swear to God!”_

_“I can’t lose you! I can’t!”_

_“PHIL!”_

_“LET GO!”_

_“PHIL!”_

_“PHIL!!!”_

Phil felt his entire world shattering into pieces around him. To think that it took him so long to realize how much Dan meant to him, and now that he had it was too late. _He…_ was too late. Everything was falling apart, but his breakdown was cut short by a knock at the door.

“Phil?” questioned Katrina. “What’s going on?” Phil stood to his feet and opened the door. Katrina was met with puffy red eyes and a runny nose. She pulled Phil into a hug immediately. “What happened?”

“He doesn’t…” Phil tried to control his voice, but he couldn’t hold it in. “He doesn’t remember me!” he broke down in her arms. Katrina took a quick intake of breath. That wasn’t possible. “Sweetheart…I am so sorry…” She let Phil hold onto her a little longer, but eventually they pulled apart, and she went to Dan. “Dan?”

“Y-yes?” he asked seeming scared. Alex was by his side and he was holding her hand. His grip tightened when Katrina approached.

“What do you remember?” Katrina sat down next to Dan.

Dan shifted his gaze to Phil, who was standing in the hall and seemed to be hiding. He unconsciously licked his lips and turned his gaze away. Slowly, he felt his cheek warm. “I…um…I don’t remember much. I remember Alex. She was my friend growing up I think. I remember some of my home, but a lot of it is a blur. I remember some people, and I know I’m a prince, but events and facts are just blank. And I don’t remember you…sorry.”

Katrina gave Dan a small smile. “There’s no need to apologize.”

“Okay,” Dan tried to smile back. His eyes trailed back to Phil. He felt his heart beat pick up, and his hands started getting a little sweaty without his knowledge. Alex noticed the clammy feeling, so she turned to look at Dan. It was then that she noticed his slightly open mouth, his reddened cheeks, and eyes fixated on something. She followed his gaze, and when she noticed Phil just barely peeking out from the hallway. Even though she had never known much about how Dan felt for Phil, what she was seeing told her the whole story. Knowing that Dan didn’t remember Phil broke her heart, and what hurt more was realizing that even without memories, Phil still had Dan’s heart.

Katrina had the same realization as Alex, and she agreed that it was truly heart wrenching. There was _nothing_ that the boys could have possibly done to deserve what was happening to them. Even Dan, living the life he had, he had been a kind spirit, and yet he still suffered. If anything, Katrina would argue that it was Dan’s father that deserved such tragedy, not him.

“Dan, do you remember Phil at all?” asked Alex as she gestured to Phil, despite knowing that Dan was staring at him.

Dan lightly shook his head, “No… But…I…um…he…” He knew his cheeks were burning now. For some reason, the person standing in the hall was making it hard for him to breathe. “How did I know him before?”

Alex smiled softly, “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” she whispered. Dan turned and looked at her with wide eyes. He quickly shook his head and hunkered down, clearly embarrassed. “Why?” Dan didn’t answer. Alex couldn’t help but to note that Dan seemed so innocent and sweet. He was almost child-like to her. Her expression turned sad. _So this is who Dan might have been had he not been raised in the Community. He’d be innocent and even quieter._ She assumed Dan had been through a lot growing up, considering his father seemed so distant and paranoid, but she couldn’t believe what neglect could do to a person. She also realized that he wasn’t hiding his emotions. For a moment, she thought she might cry. To think they lived in a world that destroyed the shy boy that was too embarrassed to talk to Phil.

“Phil, can you come here?” asked Katrina. Dan’s head shot up and he looked around frantically, as if looking for an escape route. Phil carefully wandered over, confused by Dan’s actions. “Dan, this is Phil. You two were very close.”

“W-we were?” asked Dan. He tried not to look Phil in the eye, but he couldn’t resist. Eventually he looked up, and he felt lost at sea. “H-how so?”

“We were friends,” is all Phil decided to tell Dan.

Dan suddenly looked sad. “Oh.”

Alex, Katrina, and Phil were all confused. Katrina knew Dan would only talk to Alex, so she made a quick excuse to talk to Phil and took them into a different room. Alex understood and she rotated in her seat, completely facing Dan.

“Dan, why did you sound sad when he said you two were friends?” asked Alex. She lightly squeezed Dan’s hand.

“Well…” Dan felt extremely embarrassed to say it, but something made him trust Alex. “I was kind of hoping that he and I were…um…”

Alex’s jaw dropped. No way. Dan had no idea that it was against the law to be gay. “You mean…you were hoping that you two were together?” Dan slowly nodded his head. “Don’t you know that can’t be?”

“What?” Dan was even more confused. “Why not? It’s normal…isn’t it? It feels normal.”

Alex felt her heart shatter. How could she possibly tell him now? “It’s just that…in this world…people don’t like what they don’t understand. So being gay is illegal…”

“What…?” whispered Dan sounding equally puzzled and sad.

“What I’m saying is…if you’re going to be with someone that’s also a guy…you have to do it in secret. You _have_ to be secretive and very careful. It’s hard…but it’s not impossible.” Alex couldn’t believe what she was saying, but she had to say it. She couldn’t watch Dan go back to hiding away and being miserable.

Dan tightened his grip on Alex’s hand. “Okay… If it’s illegal then I’ll just…I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Try not to worry about it right now. We’re going to see if we can get your memories back somehow. Then everything will make sense. You have to trust me.”

“Okay.”

Alex brought Dan into a tight embrace. Part of it was so that he would hopefully feel comfort, and another part was so that he wouldn’t see her tears. “Do you trust me, Dan?”

“Yes.”

“Then go talk to Phil. I know you’re nervous, but please. Go ask him about what you two went through together. Please.”

Dan pulled away from Alex and nodded his head. He got up and walked into the back part of the house. Peeking his head around the corner, he saw Phil and Katrina siting in Katrina’s bedroom. “Hi…”

“Dan,” welcomed Katrina as she stood up. “You want to talk to Phil?” Dan nodded yes. “I’ll leave you two then.” She walked out of the room and disappeared down the hall.

Dan slowly walked into the room and sat down on the bed next to Phil. “Hi, Phil.”

“Hi,” Phil greeted with a smile. He was glad that Dan was talking to him. Dan had seemed so off before, and he wasn’t sure why.

Dan gently pulled at his sweater sleeves, wrapping his hands together to hide how fidgety he was. Phil smiled softly. Old habits die hard, he assumed. Dan continued to tug at his clothing as he tried to think of what to say, “Um. Alex said I should ask you about what we went through. I guess we knew each other well?”

“In a sense,” replied Phil. He honestly didn’t know what to tell Dan. His best guess was that he should tell the truth, but how was he supposed to go about telling someone that they had been raped, ran away from home, and were now a fugitive? “Dan, a lot happened in a short time, and I’m not really sure where to start.”

“Well…” Dan brought one hand up to his mouth, as if pondering. His hand was covered by his sweater, so Phil couldn’t help but to find the position absolutely adorable. “Maybe tell me how we met? Maybe that will trigger my memory.”

“Maybe it would. Well, back at your home, I was a servant there. One day you walked into your room, and I was fixing your bed.” Phil began to tell the story, trying his best to recall the situation from Dan’s perspective. “You walked in and you saw me, and you said hello. I wasn’t sure why you decided to talk to me, but you did.”

“I wish I knew,” responded Dan. _I probably said hi because you’re really cute…_ “Maybe something about you stood out to me. I don’t know…”

Phil couldn’t help but to smile. “Maybe.”

“What else can you tell me? A-About us? Katrina said we were close.”

“We did become close pretty quickly. We spent a lot of time together, and we enjoyed talking to each other about our likes, our dislikes, childhood memories, things like that.”

Dan started to look sad. “I wish I could remember all of this… It sounds really nice.”

“It was…” Phil began to look sad as well. He wanted Dan to remember everything so badly. However…there was one huge difference in Dan that he noticed. Phil looked at Dan, and he no longer saw someone who was broken. Due to the amnesia, he realized that Dan no longer had any trauma. His anxiety and PTSD were gone. “Why don’t you go take a shower? We both need to clean up, but I have to talk to Katrina. So you can go first.”

“Okay, thank you,” Dan got to his feet and smiled. He left the room and went to the bath.

Katrina walked into the room after she heard the door click. “What happened?”

Phil looked up at Katrina with sad eyes. “We can’t let him get his memory back, Katrina. We can’t…”

“What?” asked Katrina extremely confused. “Why not? Don’t you want him to remember?”

“Of course I do! I want him to remember more than anything! But…did you look at him? When I look into his eyes, I don’t see a broken soul anymore. His anxiety and PTSD are gone because he doesn’t remember what happened to him.” Phil tried his best to keep his tears at bay, but they slipped out despite his efforts. His voice began to crack as he spoke. “I can’t watch him suffer like that anymore. Just how selfish would I have to be to wish for him to remember that trauma just for my sake? And yet…” He stifled a sob. “I must be horrible…”

Katrina sat down next to Phil. She gingerly placed her hand on his knee. “You’re not horrible, Phil. I think you and I both know why you want him to remember so badly.” Phil looked at Katrina curiously as he wiped away a few stray tears. Katrina’s look turned soft. She sighed and looked at Phil with sympathy in her eyes. “Sweetheart…you’ve fallen in love with him.”

Phil’s eyes widened at Katrina’s statement. He traced back everything that had happened. In an instant, it was as if every fond memory he had of Dan played in his mind back to back. He thought about splashing Dan’s face at the lake, and watching Dan hold a lightning bug for the first time. He remembered all the time he spent with Dan just talking as they walked, all the times they would lay awake in grass fields talking for hours about seemingly nothing.

“You have, haven’t you, Phil?” whispered Katrina.

“Excuse me…” Phil stood up and left the room. He stepped out into Katrina’s backyard. The sun had set, and the stars had started to come out. He sat down in the grass in the same spot that he had laid down next to Dan in the previous weeks. After taking a deep breath, he started playing that memory over his head as well.

Phil recalled seeing Dan begin to blush. Dan had tugged at sleeves like just a moment ago, and he had stared at Phil with his lips slightly parted, his breathing uneven but steady. Phil couldn’t believe he didn’t see it before. More than that, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen himself falling in love with Dan. He felt so stupid. How did he not see the nervous behavior, the overly kind gestures, and the stolen glances? Plus…how did he not notice that he done all of the same things?

“Phil?” whispered Dan as he stepped outside. Phil turned around and saw that Dan had finished showering probably just a moment ago. He was dressed, but his neck was still shimmering with water, and his hair was stuck to his forehead.

“Hey, Dan. What are you doing out here?” questioned Phil. Why was Dan standing out in the cold? Even in a grey sweater and pants, he was going to catch a cold. Phil cursed at himself. It was things like that… “You’re going to catch a cold out here.” Dan started tugging at sleeves in response. “Stop that!” Phil regretted the words as soon as they came out, but dammit, Dan being so precious wasn’t helping him.

Dan practically cowered from Phil snapping at him. “Stop what? What did I do?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s my own issues; it’s nothing you did.” Phil patted the ground next to him. “Don’t just stand there, or you’ll definitely get sick.”

Dan sauntered over and sat down next to Phil. He sat by crisscrossing his legs. Phil couldn’t help but to notice that he had never seen Dan sit that way before. Maybe it wasn’t proper or something. “You didn’t answer my question. Why did you come out here? Surely you’re cold.”

“I am a little,” mumbled Dan as he shivered. He brought his hands up to his face, as if trying to hide. “But I didn’t want to be alone, and Katrina and Alex are off talking somewhere. I saw you were out here so I thought I’d see what you were up to.”

Every word that came out of Dan’s mouth broke Phil’s heart a little more. He couldn’t believe how genuine Dan was. It was sweet, seeing Dan without any fears or reasons to hide. Phil wished that somehow Dan could remember him and still be so beautifully naïve. Watching Dan look at him, he began to realize that Dan now had the same gleam in his eyes that he used to. Now he was just confused. If Dan didn’t remember him, why was he looking at him like that?

“Dan…?” he whispered. Dan made a “hm” sound, not taking his hand away from his mouth. Phil could have tackled him into a hug right there. He was acting so nervous that it was somehow captivating. “I…um,” Phil honestly had no idea what he wanted to say. Then, he realized that he had felt his pull before. Back when he and Dan were in Katrina’s backyard the first time, he had felt as if he was being gravitated towards Dan. Of course, at the time he didn’t know why. This time he knew exactly why.

Phil gently moved Dan’s hand away from his face as he moved closer. Dan didn’t know how to respond. He felt his heart slamming against his chest, and he felt his stomach churn, but it was all somehow a good feeling. Slowly, he leaned in towards Phil and allowed his eyes to flutter shut. For a moment, he felt their noses touch, the tops of their lips just barely making contact, and then they heard the alarm. The sound screeched throughout the area. Katrina and Alex ran outside and hurried Dan and Phil inside.

“Get in the car! We have to get back to the Community! It’s the only place that’s safe!” shouted Katrina as she made sure everyone got into the vehicle safely.

“What’s going on?” asked Phil with terror in his voice. He sat in the back with Dan, who was looking extremely terrified and confused.

“It’s the alarm for invasion! Enemies are headed this way!”

“Enemies?” screamed Alex. “What enemies?”

Katrina opened the garage door, backed out, and slammed her foot on the gas. “Your generation doesn’t know yet! There’s another country across the Atlantic Ocean! That’s what I meant when I said there’s something out there! We’ve been at war since the country began, but things have been getting worse! The Community is the only place with proper protection!”

“How could they not tell us?” asked Alex completely appalled. “Didn’t they think an entire generation should be aware?”

“They didn’t plan on carrying the responsibility any longer. Pretty soon, they were going to activate a shield to guard the Community, sealing it off from the rest of the country. Their plan was to live in comfort and let the rest of the country deal with the war, but I guess it’s too late.” Katrina sped up the car, driving as fast at the machine would go.

“I can’t believe they would do this! Actually, I can believe it, but that doesn’t make it right!” yelled Phil in anger. He turned to see Dan almost completely curled up in his seat. Tears were stinging his eyes and slowly dripping down his cheeks. “Dan?”

Dan’s head shot up as if Phil had brought him out of a trance. “I-I’m sorry. I’m just really scared. I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t remember anything about this place, so I don’t know what’s happening.” His body was lightly trembling from the sheer amount of fear coursing through him.

“Come here,” Phil brought Dan to him and held him close. Dan clung to Phil without hesitation.

“Wait, if that’s what’s wrong with the Community, then why didn’t you just say that?” asked Alex.

Katrina made a sharp turn, causing everyone to jerk in their seats. “I didn’t leave because of that reason. I knew something was off about how many servants they were taking. When I found you three at Tuarium it made sense. They take people, and not all of them wind up slaves.” Alex stared at Katrina in horror, as if waiting for confirmation of what she feared to be true. “If I had to guess, I’d say that many end up soldiers in the military, or worse, lab rats, used for experiments to test our weapons and technology.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” whispered Phil as he pulled Dan closer. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and rested his head on the older man’s chest. He closed his eyes and tried to block everything out. He felt useless since he didn’t have a single clue what was happening.

Time passed, and eventually they reached the Community gates. The gates opened due to sensing a car, but the second Katrina pulled the car into the property, the gates shut. A loud voice boomed overhead.

“Stay where you are!”

It wasn’t long before Mr. Howell was approaching everyone. He was fuming, “Daniel! How dare you!”

Dan attached himself to Phil and backed away, “W-What did I do?”

“Stop it!” screamed Katrina as she stepped in front of Dan, Phil, and Alex. “He doesn’t remember anything thanks to you! Look what you’ve done! You left him behind, and Bryant made him into a toy! When it backfired, we tried to help him and the result was memory loss. He barely knows anything.”

“You dare speak to me as if this is _my_ fault?” shouted Mr. Howell. “And what the hell do you mean memory loss? That’s not possible!”

“It is your fault, and it is possible!” yelled Alex. Mr. Howell was taken aback. He didn’t expect Alex of all people to raise her voice at him. “You left your own son behind and for what? We know about the war now! Fucking tell us the truth!” Alex voice became more and more hysterical with each scream.

Katrina outstretched her hand in front of Alex, trying to stop her from advancing. “Alex, calm down.” She turned to Mr. Howell, “She’s right. They deserve the truth. I deserve the truth. The alarm sounded. We are _all_ in danger!”

“Everything is going to be fine! You know we have protection over the Community!”

“Yeah, good for you!” Phil raised his voice and tightened his grip on Dan. “What about the millions of people that could end up being casualties? You’re not even a king! You’re just a coward!”

“You—!” Mr. Howell stepped forward and raised his arm. He stopped when Dan stood in front of Phil with his arms stretched. “Daniel, _move._ A servant should know better than to speak to me this way.” Dan didn’t budge. He stared at his father with dangerous eyes; he didn’t break eye contact. “I said move!”

“No!” snapped Dan.

Mr. Howell was shocked. He had no idea why Dan wasn’t afraid of him. He hadn’t realized that Dan didn’t _remember_ to be afraid. “Fine.” He raised his arm again, and Dan closed his eyes and turned his head, awaiting the hit.

“ _STOP IT_!” screamed a voice. Everyone turned around to see Mrs. Howell. She darted over and stood in between Dan and Mr. Howell. “What is _wrong_ with you? He is your son!”

Mr. Howell scoffed, “No son of mine would have acted this way!”

“You’re pathetic!” spat Katrina.

“I agree!” stated Mrs. Howell. Mr. Howell looked at her with betrayal in his eyes. “It’s your turn to step aside. I’m taking them all inside where it’s safe, and I’m going to tell them everything.”

“No, you’re not!” said Mr. Howell firmly. Mrs. Howell opened her mouth to respond, and that’s when the bombs started going off.

In an instant everything became pandemonium. Mr. Howell was screaming into his phone to put the force-field up. Mrs. Howell was running alongside the others trying to get inside. Gunshots could be heard all around. The screams of panicking citizens filled the air almost as thick as the smoke from the explosions. Everyone kept running as fast as they could. They were almost to the Howell estate.

The gunshots became louder, meaning they were nearing the enemy soldiers. No one knew which way was safe to run, so they simply just kept going. It was all they could do. Some people from the Community were fighting back. Clearly they had been trained and had been under cover.

As Dan was running, he tripped and stumbled, crashing onto the ground. He got up, but he was confronted by an enemy solider. The solider knew who Dan was and assumed he would be a good bargaining chip. Using his gun, he smashed the end of it into the back of Dan’s head, knocking him out.

“DAN!” screamed Phil when he saw the incident.

Luckily, the solider was shot down by an ally. Dan awoke a moment later. He felt sick to his stomach and groggy. Suddenly, there was an overwhelming ache in his head. He winced and held his head, unsure of how to deal with such severe pain. Then, it all came flooding back.

_“I don’t know either. I just don’t feel like being alone right now.”_

_“You gave me a chance, and for that I’m thankful.”_

_“Actually! I’m a hybrid. I happen to come from a clan of werewolves.”_

_“What is that?” asked Dan with a scared expression._

_“Dan,” Phil tried to stop laughing. “Calm down. They’re just lightening bugs.”_

_Dan looked at Phil as if he was crazy. “Lightening…bugs?”_

_“Don't touch him! He doesn't owe you anything!”_

_“Right now, you actually feel kind of small.”_

_“I promise I’ll keep you safe.”_

_“I won’t let anything happen.”_

_“DAN!”_

_“DAN!”_

_“DAN!!!”_

Dan’s vision cleared. Everything hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered. He remembered everything. What was happening around him made sense, and it was terrible. He had to do something. Frantically, he looked around trying to spot Phil amongst the chaos.

“Phil?” he shouted. Getting to his feet, he continued to search the proximity. “Phil?” he yelled louder. Continuing to look, he started feeling more afraid. Then, his eyes shifted down.

He felt his world collapse in an instant. “No…” Alex was by the body on the ground. She looked up at Dan with tears in her eyes. “NO!!!” He ran to Phil’s side. Rolling Phil onto his back, he spotted the bullet wound. “PHIL! WAKE UP!” Alex burst into tears; she had no idea what to do. “PHIL, PLEASE! WAKE UP! PHIL!” Dan held Phil close as he completely broke down. All those times that he had wanted to hit things, throw things, and scream, he never had. However, this, _this_ was his breaking point. For the first time he let everything out, and he just screamed.

“ _PHIL!!!_ ”


	13. Chapter 12

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 12:

Dan was sat by Phil’s bedside asleep. His head was leaning back against the wall and his hand was slack, lying on top of Phil’s hand. Due to exhaustion, he fell asleep almost as soon as he was given the news that Phil was going to be alright. It had all happened so fast.

After Phil was shot, Alex and Katrina helped Dan carry him inside the estate where it was safe. Unfortunately, Dan broke down, falling into the worst panic attack he’d had. Mrs. Howell had tried to help calm him down, but she honestly had no idea what to do. She never thought she’d have to watch her son fall to pieces.

Phil was rushed to emergency care, where he received immediate blood transfusions and was able to get the bullet removed. He was extremely lucky; the bullet had just barely missed his heart. Once he was stable, Dan was allowed to go into the room. He sat in the chair next to Phil and didn’t say a word. He didn’t know what to say. For a while, he held Phil’s hand, and he slowly drifted to sleep, completely wiped out from the chaos and panic.

The attacks from the enemy troops were finally stopped. Mr. Howell activated a force-field, which protected the Community from further bombings. However, they weren’t going to be able to stay in the Community for very long. The shield protecting the estate at all times already took a lot of energy, so activating the second shield to guard the entire Community was sapping away energy at a painfully fast rate. After a few days at most, everyone would have to evacuate.

However, for the time being, everyone was okay. Mrs. Howell stepped into Phil’s room and sat down by Dan. She lightly shook Dan’s shoulder, trying to wake him. Dan awoke with a slight start, but as soon as he saw it was his mother, he calmed down.

“Hi, mum,” he whispered. Now that he was awake, he was able to go back to properly holding Phil’s hand, so that’s what he did. “What are you doing in here?”

“I wanted to see how,” Mrs. Howell paused.

“Phil,” Dan reminded her.

Mrs. Howell nodded her head and smiled, “Phil. I’m sorry. I wanted to see how Phil was doing. The doctor’s said the bullet missed his heart, but not by much.”

Dan nodded his head yes, “Yeah, he was lucky.” He heaved a deep breath, trying not to think about the moment when he thought Phil was dead. “Thank you for having our doctor’s help him.” He scoffed, “Dad would have let him die.”

“Your father means well. Our shield is only going to last a few days, instead of forever like we planned. Somehow, our enemies managed to break it down to the point that keeping it up is almost impossible. I can only imagine how much time they’ve put into developing that technology.”

“You said you planned to have the field up forever.” Dan turned to look at his mother. “So that’s it? You were going to hide everyone away here and leave our country to be murdered in cold blood?”

“We’ve been trying to fight off our enemies. The initial plan was to shield the Community, and then once the war was over we’d start helping our people.”

Dan stared at his mother in disbelief. “So your plan was to hide, win the war, and then hope there were still people left?”

Mrs. Howell made a frustrated sound. “When you say it like that it sounds terrible.”

“It is terrible, mum!” Dan raised his voice. Mrs. Howell was shocked. She didn’t raise her son to speak like that. “I’m sorry… But…we have so much, and there were people that didn’t even eat that night. I don’t understand why we don’t help them.”

Mrs. Howell sighed, “All of our time, money, and energy, go into our military and protecting the Community, and some people think we give too much to the military already. By giving the military as many weapons and resources as we did, it weakened our protection here. That’s why the Williams were always at our throats with the matter. They thought we should cut our military off and live here in comfort and safety.”

Dan’s eyes widened from his mother’s statement. He couldn’t believe it. “Mum, what does it take to access all of that type of stuff? Don’t you have to be a Howell to get access to anything? I remember overhearing dad say something about that a long time ago. Of course, at the time I had no idea what he was talking about.”

“Yes, you have to be a Howell to get even a single bit of information open. It was set up to where you’d need DNA, blood cells, and many other different things.”

“That’s why she did it…” whispered Dan.

Mrs. Howell looked at Dan curiously, “Who did what, sweetie?”

Dan stayed quiet for a moment. He trusted his mother, but he didn’t trust his father. Sadly, he wasn’t sure if his mother would keep information from his father, thus he was afraid to tell her. “Mum, if I tell you something, you have to _promise_ me you won’t tell anyone, not even dad.”

“What happened that you wouldn’t want your father to know?”

“Mum, just please, promise me. I trust you; I don’t trust dad. He left me behind, and I don’t think he’d hesitate to turn me in.” Tears began to well in Dan’s eyes.

Mrs. Howell placed her hand over her mouth. She was scared for what Dan was going to say because she already knew. “I won’t tell your father, or anyone for that matter.”

Dan took a long, deep breath. His hands were shaking and his heart was racing. His stomach began to churn; he could have sworn he was going to be sick. Closing his eyes, he waited a moment. He bit down, and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, as if in pain. He knew he was going to have to force the words out. “I’m gay.” Mrs. Howell brought her hands to her face. A few stray tears dripped down her cheeks as she looked at Dan. Dan opened his eyes and saw his mother’s saddened face. He tightened his grip on Phil’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as a tear rolled down his face.

“Don’t you apologize,” said Mrs. Howell. She took Dan’s free hand into her own. “I love you. I love you very much. You are my _son._ I don’t care if you’re different. If anything, that makes you all the more special.”

Dan stifled a sob; he hadn’t expected his mother to react the way that she was. “Then why do they kill people for it? Why are people shamed and murdered for being different?” his voice cracked as he spoke.

“People fear what they don’t understand. I’ve never viewed it as wrong, but I couldn’t say that. I had a feeling from a young age that you were gay, but I prayed that you weren’t, because I didn’t know if I’d be brave enough to speak up if I ever needed to.” More tears escaped her eyes. “I was afraid that I would be too cowardly to stand up to your father and the rest of our leaders.”

“Why are you with dad if he’s like this?”

“Your father wasn’t always like this. He was a good man. I don’t know what happened, but over the years, I think the war consumed him. He began thinking as a soldier on the battlefield, not as a king with a family. Suddenly, if someone wasn’t perfect, they were worthless. It seems that every ruler before him was the same way.”

Dan stayed silent for a moment. He had no idea how to react to anything that his mother had been saying. Their entire conversation had made him feel sick to his stomach. However, he knew he needed to continue. His mother needed to know that the Williams were the enemy.

“Rebecca figured out that I’m gay, and she used it against me. She needed to get pregnant with my child, so that her family would have a Howell. So when I kept refusing sex, she told me that if I didn’t sleep with her, she’d tell dad that I’m a fag. She forced herself on me, and that’s when I left. She even went as far as hunting me down, trying to bring me back here.” Dan was shaking through each word that he said. He couldn’t believe he was telling his mother everything. “If I had to guess, I’d say that the Williams needed a Howell, and they needed you and dad discredited. That’s why she came after me, to turn me in.”

Mrs. Howell was in shock. How could the Williams be so cruel? How could Rebecca force herself on Dan? How could their family betray them? “Sweet heart…I am so sorry… If we hadn’t—.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You thought you were marrying me off to a close family friend, not to a sadistic rapist. But it’s not over. She had a miscarry when she came to find me. So she’ll be coming after me again.”

“The Williams will not come anywhere near my family again!”

“I hope you’re right.” Dan turned away from his mother and looked at Phil. He scooted his chair closer so he could brush a little bit of hair out of Phil’s face. “Do you think he’ll wake up soon?” he asked. His mother didn’t respond for a moment, so he turned around. “Mum?”

“So that’s what happened,” Mrs. Howell wiped away a tear. “When you decided to run away, you took him with you. Your father and I couldn’t figure out why. Why would our son run off with a servant?” She paused. “You fell in love with him, didn’t you, Daniel?”

Dan managed a small smile. “Before, I would have denied it…but you can only risk your life for a person so many times before you have to accept the truth.”

Mrs. Howell sighed, “Does he know?”

“No, and I’m not going to tell him. I doubt he could feel the same, and even if he did, it would only complicate things because of where we are now. It’s easier to just feel this way in silence.” Dan gave Phil’s hand another squeeze; he wished Phil would wake up.

“I just don’t know how I’m going to tell your father about the Williams family without _telling_ him.”

“I can help with that,” said a voice. Alex had cracked open the door when she overheard part of the conversation. “Sorry, couldn’t help but to overhear. Rebecca told me all about needing to be pregnant with Dan’s child to access information. If he asks how you found out, you found out from me.”

“Thank you, Alex…” whispered Dan, unable to think of a way to express how grateful he really was.

Alex offered Dan a genuine smile, “That’s what friends are for.”

The door to the room opened, revealing Mr. Howell. Dan looked up to meet his father’s eyes, and he was met with rage and disappointment. Mr. Howell quickly turned away, acting as if Dan wasn’t even there. He looked to his wife. “Darling, we need to attend to some things. Please come with me.”

Mrs. Howell stood up, “We need to talk anyway. Something has happened. Alex?”

Alex nodded her head, “Right, let’s go.”

Alex and Mr. and Mrs. Howell all left the room, leaving Dan alone with Phil. Dan heard the door click, and he found himself in a state where he knew he could really cry. He knew he could break down again, and part of him wanted to. Part of him wanted to let all his emotions out. Seeing Phil lying unconscious was terrifying, and he feared the doctors were wrong. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Inhale…exhale…just like Phil taught him.

Without warning, Dan felt his hand get squeezed ever so slightly. His head shot up and he immediately opened his eyes. He was met with bright blue eyes and a smile. A huge smile appeared on his face. For the first time, it wasn’t tears of sadness that gathered in his eyes. “Phil!” he launched himself forward, throwing his arms around Phil. “Oh my god! I’ve never been more scared! Dammit don’t scare me like that!”

Phil managed a small laugh. He returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around Dan and pulling him close. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I saw that soldier hit you and I called out to you. That must have gotten their attention because that’s when I got shot. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Dan pulled away from the hug. Phil moved to the edge of his bed, giving Dan room to lie next to him. Dan lay down, using his arm as a pillow. “I’m better than fine actually.” Phil looked at him curiously. He smiled, “I remember you.”

Phil’s eyes widened from shock. How? “What?” he whispered.

Dan’s smile simply grew bigger. “I remember you. I remember everything. And I’m going to get you back for making me hold a bug.” Phil’s only response was to pull Dan into another embrace. Dan hugged him back tightly, one hand near the base of his neck and the other on the small of his back. “I remember you, Phil.” Phil tightened his grip on Dan almost too much. Dan chuckled. “Phil, you’re going to suffocate me.”

“Tough it out! The last time I let go I lost you…” Phil blinked out tears, which dripped onto Dan’s neck. Dan felt the droplets connect with his skin, and he immediately felt his heart ache. He had no idea that Phil would be so affected by their separation. He suspected that Phil was at least worried about him, but this was completely different. Suddenly, he felt Phil’s body lightly shaking. It felt like Phil was starting to hyperventilate.

“Whoa, whoa,” Dan gently started rubbing Phil’s back. “I’m okay.” He pulled away from the hug so he could look at Phil. “Look at me.” For a moment, he regretted his decision. He was certain that he had never seen Phil breaking down so hard. He didn’t understand. “I’m right here. I’m okay.” Seeing Phil in the state he was in made Dan start to feel guilty. Was this how bad Phil felt every time he broke down? Was this how broken he appeared to Phil?

Phil wiped at his tears, “I’m sorry. It’s just…I lost you. And that was awful. Then, I get you back, and your gaze was completely blank. You looked at me like I was a stranger. I _was_ a stranger.” _And that killed me…_ “I didn’t know what to do, and you didn’t know what was happening. You were scared and I just—!”

Dan didn’t think. In that moment, all he did was follow what he felt was the right thing to do. He pressed his lips against Phil’s, cutting the older man’s rambling short. Phil was in shock. What was Dan thinking? What if someone came in the room and saw? What if… _Fuck it._ Phil brought his arms around Dan and pulled the prince closer, returning the kiss. He tilted his head, making it easier for them to melt into each other. Dan snaked his arm around Phil’s waist and tried to bring them together even more. They tangled their legs, desperate to be pressed as closely together as humanly possible.

Dan couldn’t believe what was happening. Every time he had kissed Rebecca, he had felt absolutely disgusted, but kissing Phil was perfect. Phil felt like a piece of him that had been missing. Gingerly, he very slowly ran his tongue along Phil’s bottom lip, shyly asking for an entrance. Phil responded by opening his mouth enough for Dan to slip his tongue inside. His heart raced even faster when he felt Dan’s tongue run over his own. Dan explored every inch of Phil’s mouth, mainly out of curiosity. When Rebecca had done it to him, it had felt uncomfortable and strange, but Phil seemed to like it. He knew for certain that he was enjoying how it felt. No words could describe it.

Phil lost himself in the kiss. Nothing else mattered. He maneuvered to lie on top of Dan and continued to kiss the younger man with everything he had. Swiftly, he pushed Dan’s tongue out of the way and took control of the kiss. He slipped his tongue into Dan’s mouth, which caused Dan to quietly moan. Dan then became aware of what he had done, and he felt his cheeks warm even more than they already had. Phil finally broke the kiss, but he didn’t give Dan a chance to comprehend anything that had happened. He moved his lips to Dan’s neck and began to kiss and suck at the skin.

A slightly louder moan escaped Dan’s mouth when he felt Phil’s lips against his sensitive skin. His hands grabbed at Phil’s back, pulling at his shirt as he tried to reposition himself under Phil’s weight. He tilted his head and yanked at Phil’s clothes, begging for more. Phil managed to bite at Dan’s neck at just the right spot, causing Dan to involuntarily thrust his hips up. He moaned into Dan’s neck when he felt the friction. Dan bit his bottom lip, trying to suppress his sounds. The last thing they needed was for someone to hear them. That might have been worse than someone walking in.

As if the universe had heard Dan’s thoughts, there was a knock at the door. Phil practically flew off of Dan in an instant. Dan hurled himself off of the hospital bed, which caused him to land on his hands on knees on the floor. The door opened to show Katrina. Dan and Phil stared at her, their hair messy and their cheeks flushed. Katrina slapped her hand over her mouth to stop a laugh. Her shoulders shook from her giggles.

“S-Sorry!” she barely managed through her suppressed laughs. “I-I was just…” she burst into giggles. Dan and Phil looked to each other and then looked back at Katrina. Katrina could barely speak from laughing so hard. “I-I!” She couldn’t contain herself. Normally the situation wouldn’t have been funny, but dear god their _faces._ “Glad to see you’re awake, Phil,” she said through more laughs.

“Hi, Katrina,” mumbled Dan awkwardly. He wanted to get up off the floor, but that would mean possibly showing wrinkly clothes and an erection. “Yes, Phil is awake. He’s fine now.”

“Better than fine?” Katrina snickered.

Dan pretended to laugh, saying “ha” over and over. “Not funny.”

“Care to stand up, Dan?” asked Katrina as she closed the door. She smirked.

“I’d rather not,” Dan felt his cheeks burning. _Grandma. Grandma, grandma, grandma._

“Anyway. I came here because your father wants to speak to you,” Katrina paused, biting her lower lip, “and Phil…”

Dan’s eyes widened, “What? Did he say why?” Katrina shook her head. Dan sighed, “Great. I really don’t want to, because I stood up to him when I wasn’t scared of him.”

“But you won’t be alone,” said Phil as he carefully got out of bed. He took Dan’s hand into his own. “I’m not leaving.” He smiled. Dan managed a small smile in return. Phil leaned forward and gently pecked Dan’s lips. “Let’s go.”

“Okay,” whispered Dan as he tightened his grip on Phil’s hand. He knew that if Phil was holding onto him, it was going to be okay.

***

Dan and Phil were sat in Mr. Howell’s office, waiting. They sat in silence, neither of them wanting to speak due to fearing that anything they said could be used against them. After a few minutes, Mr. Howell walked into the room and sat in his desk chair, facing Dan and Phil. Dan and Phil both tensed up; they were terrified.

Mr. Howell focused his attention on Dan. “Your mother has informed me that the Williams family has been trying to overthrow our family. Rebecca was going to become pregnant with your child, and then attempt to discredit our family.” He stood to his feet. “My question is, how do they plan to do that? When I asked, both your mother and Alex froze and said they didn’t know, but they did.” He pressed his hands to the desk and leaned forward, getting closer to Dan, as if trying to scare him. “They were going to make it public that you’re gay, weren’t they?”

“I’m not gay,” said Dan flatly, trying not to show fear. He remembered standing up to his father to protect Phil when he had forgotten that he was supposed to be afraid. In that moment, he was trying very hard to feel the same way, to not feel scared anymore.

“Don’t lie to me, Daniel,” said Mr. Howell, lowering his voice. “They wouldn’t have had that leverage if you weren’t.”

“They made it up,” replied Dan. “They had nothing better to discredit our family, so they went with something that’s punishable by death. “Which, for the record,” Dan got to his feet, meeting his father’s height, “wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t kill people for being who they are.”

Mr. Howell narrowed his eyes, “Homosexuals are of no use. For one thing, they don’t contribute to keeping up the population.”

“So the answer to punishing people for not keeping up population is to kill them, thus dwindling down our population,” retorted Dan.

“You don’t talk back to me!” Mr. Howell slammed his fist on the desk. “I didn’t raise you like this!”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” shouted Dan, making Mr. Howell fall silent, and causing Phil to start feeling worried. “You didn’t give two shits about me my whole life! You were always in this damn office! If I came to visit you, you had a servant shoo me away and take me somewhere else! Anytime I tried to talk to you, you just yelled at me! When I asked you anything, you screamed at me not to ask questions, so I became afraid to even ask for a glass of water! You terrorized me and made me scared of you! Why? What did I do to make you hate me? You were supposed to be my dad!”

Mr. Howell had no idea how to respond. “I was—I was trying—.”

“You never tried!” screamed Dan as tears started involuntarily pouring down his face. “I was a nuisance to you! I only became of use when you needed me to get married and have kids! And the _second_ I didn’t want to do that, you made me so scared of pissing you off that I went through with it even though I hated every damn minute! I married someone that abused me because you _made_ me! You first hand told me that refusing to be with her wasn’t acceptable! You let her abuse me! You didn’t care! YOU’VE NEVER FUCKING CARED!” Dan’s entire body was shaking from the pure rage and pain that was coursing through him. Fresh tears poured out at a constant rate despite his unblinking gaze.

“Daniel, I—.” Mr. Howell tried to speak, but Dan cut him off again.

“So if you’ve never cared, why can’t you just leave me alone? Why can’t you just let me be happy? Fuck it! You know what? I am gay! And that shouldn’t matter to you! You should love me anyway like mum does! She doesn’t care! I’m her son, so she loves me even if I’m broken! Why can’t you do that? Why do I have to be perfect for you to care about me?”

“Daniel…” Mr. Howell felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He tried to push it back, but he couldn’t, not while watching Dan break down right in front of him. Suddenly, Dan started choking. He began breathing very shallow and rapid. His winced as his chest felt like it was beginning to tighten. Mr. Howell looked concerned and confused. “What’s going on?”

“He’s susceptible to panic attacks,” informed Phil as he stood to his feet. He turned Dan, making the younger man face him. “Dan, try to slow your breathing. Look at me,” he held Dan’s chin, keeping his head in place, “don’t look at your dad. Look at me. I’m right here.” Phil began helping Dan relax and slow his breathing. Mr. Howell watched in shock. He never thought his own son, the _prince_ , would be struggling so much. He thought that he had given Dan everything.

Phil did his best to keep Dan calm, but Dan was suffering from a very severe attack. He was hoping that it would soon reach its peak, meaning that it could only get better.

“Why is this happening to him?” asked Mr. Howell in a quiet voice. He didn’t know what would upset his son at this point.

Phil shot Mr. Howell a glare that would have stopped the king’s heart if looks could kill. “After you forced Dan into the marriage, Rebecca raped him, trying to get pregnant with his child. Then, when he ran away, your men attacked us and were going to kill me. And judging by what he was saying about how you treated him growing up, I’d say you’re responsible for the anxiety, which causes the panic attacks when that anxiety is paired with _trauma!_ ”

“I don’t understand,” replied Mr. Howell. “How could my son be so broken?”

“HE’S NOT BROKEN!” screamed Phil turning away from Dan and facing Mr. Howell. “Don’t you _ever_ say that he’s broken! EVER! He has struggles just like everyone else! His problems are just a bit harder to deal with! And you can blame yourself for that!” Phil turned back to Dan. “I’m sorry; I need to be calm to help you keep calm...”

Several minutes passed before Dan’s panic attack ended.  Mr. Howell hadn’t said a word; he just watched, curious how Phil was managing to keep Dan relatively relaxed. Phil made sure Dan’s attack was completely over before he turned away, shifting his eyes to Mr. Howell. “Anything else?” he snapped.

Mr. Howell shook his head, “No, you may go. We have a few days to rest here, but soon we’ll have to evacuate. There are two locations we’ll being going to, but they’re split. Our family and those close to us we’ll be coming with us somewhere where we can try to handle the war, and then the rest of the Community will go somewhere else.”

“Wherever we’re going, Phil is coming with us,” said Dan sharply.

“We have limited space—.” Mr. Howell began, but he was cut short by Dan slamming his hand onto the desk.

“Let me try this again. Wherever I go, Phil goes. Wherever Phil goes, I go. I was separated from him once and it will _never_ happen again. Are we clear?” asked Dan with a dangerous tone. Mr. Howell didn’t reply; he simply nodded his head and turned his gaze away. Dan took Phil’s hand into his own and left, not caring what his father saw.

***

Dan and Phil walked into Dan’s room. Dan was relieved to see that his bed had been remade with different linens. It was a little easier to be in his room since it looked different now. He walked with Phil over towards his bed. “Um, I have sleepwear that we can change into. These clothes are getting a little uncomfortable.”

“Okay,” replied Phil with a small smile. He walked with Dan into Dan’s closet. Dan picked up two sets of sleepwear and handed one to Phil. Phil gestured to the toilet, “I’ll change in there. I’ll be back.” He stepped into the room and closed the door.

After they had changed, Dan and Phil crawled into Dan’s bed and were lying side by side. They were enjoying just being able to look at each other without having to worry. Phil reached over and gently cupped Dan’s face, “Are you sure you’re okay in here?”

“Yeah,” replied Dan casually. “I mean, they changed the sheets, which helps. Everything looks completely different. Plus,” he smiled into Phil’s touch, “you’re here now. If you’re here, then I’ll be okay.”

Phil took the moment of silence to gingerly kiss Dan. This time, the kiss wasn’t heated; it didn’t get wild in any way. They fell into each other like before, but it was soft and gentle. They wrapped each other into an embrace, entangling all their limbs as they moved together. Each moment was tender. Everything was delicate and smooth, allowing them to move with each other with ease.

Dan was the one to break the kiss, though it was bittersweet. He wanted to keep kissing Phil, but he also wanted to just lie there peacefully. He gently rested his nose against Phil’s, allowing himself to just breathe. _I love you…_

Phil carefully adjusted his position. He rested against Dan comfortably, blissfully. For the first time, he felt like he didn’t have to be scared. The person that he cared about the most was right there in his arms, and that person wouldn’t let anything happen to him. He may have been in the Community, but he was safe. _I love you…_


	14. Chapter 13

Forgive Me

 

  
Chapter 13:

The sun was resting halfway dipped into the horizon, causing yellow and orange hues to beautifully blend with the blue water in the lake. Dan and Phil sat by the water together in Dan’s garden. As they watched the sun wave goodbye, Dan was reminded of the lake that he and Phil had sat by in the previous weeks. He smiled; it was a good memory, a memory he felt blessed to have. Carefully, he leaned to his right, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. Phil put his arm around Dan and pulled the prince to him.

“Are you scared?” asked Dan.

“Yeah, are you?” questioned Phil.

Dan nodded his head, “Yeah. After what Bryant did to me, I’m just scared that someone will get their hands on me again. I’m trying to convince myself that my parents wouldn’t go somewhere that wasn’t safe, but…I don’t know. They said we’re going somewhere where we can handle the war. I don’t know…” He pulled away from Phil so that he could look at him. “Thank you.”

Phil looked at Dan curiously, “For?”

“For staying with me. Despite everything that’s happened, you haven’t left my side. I can’t tell you what that means to me. I can’t explain what it means for someone to actually care about me.”

“Lots of people care about you, Dan. Alex, Katrina, your mum, and of course I do.” Phil then looked sad.

“What?” Dan gazed at Phil concernedly.

Phil waited a moment. He wasn’t sure if telling Dan the truth would hurt him in any way. However, he proceeded. “When you lost your memory…I almost left.”

Dan was taken aback. What was Phil talking about? “What? What do you mean?”

“When you lost your memory, Dan, you were the most innocent soul I’d ever met that wasn’t a child. You weren’t traumatized; your anxiety and PTSD were gone. You were genuine without worry; you spoke your mind without fear. I was scared that if you remembered me, that you would remember the other things too. And when you looked at me when we were in Katrina’s backyard, your gaze wasn’t blank anymore. It was like I was looking into the same person’s eyes, but this person wasn’t hurting anymore. Something told me that if I stuck around, you’d remember, and you’d be hurt again. So, I was considering leaving; I wanted to keep you safe. If you hadn’t leaned in to kiss me, I would have left… I would have rather wandered and possibly died if it meant you were able to carry on unscathed…” Phil tried to suppress the sadness that was threatening to spill from his eyes.

Dan leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s. It was a quick peck, but it was meaningful to both of them. “I’m so glad that you didn’t leave.” He gently cupped Phil’s face, lightly brushing his thumb over Phil’s cheek. “I’d rather die than forget you again. And I’d rather die than have never known you.”

“Don’t say that…” whispered Phil.

“It's true. I know you didn't want me to remember because of all of the trauma, but I'd go through hell all over again as long it meant that I'd meet you again...somehow.”

Now Phil couldn’t hold back the tears, which was partially frustrating. Damn, he was sick of crying. Why did everything have to hurt in some way? “You didn't deserve what happened to you...”

“I don't deserve you either, but here you are,” Dan began to tear as well, and was also feeling a bit angry with himself. He wished he could stop. “So it can’t be all that bad.”

Using his hand to guide Dan’s face, Phil brought the younger man in for another kiss. They lay together by the lake wrapped up in each other. Dan ran his hands all over Phil, tugging at his clothes and holding him close. He bit at Phil’s lips, gently pulling. Phil began biting in return as he curled his fingers into Dan’s hair, pulling a little roughly. Dan moaned lightly from the sensation. Phil swung his legs over and laid on top of Dan much like before.

Dan had no idea how much time was passing. When he was with Phil, it was as if time stopped. Every move, every sound, every touch, it was all perfect. Nothing could possibly ruin this moment. That was until Dan’s cellphone sounded. Dan let out a frustrated groan as he took out his phone and checked it. His mother had texted him that he and Phil needed to come inside and eat something. His impulse was to toss his phone aside and continue his activities, but unfortunately, due to all the stress, his mother was _not_ in the mood.

Dan and Phil got to their feet and headed inside hand-in-hand. Dan’s family, Katrina, and Alex were the only people in the estate, along with servants, so Dan and Phil didn’t have to fear being seen together, at least not yet. Dan and Phil were both dreading leaving. They knew that as soon as they went wherever they were going, they were going to be amongst other people, people that wouldn’t accept them. Each moment that they were able to show affection was precious. Their walk through the garden to reach the estate was slow, making every moment count.

For the longest time, Dan never understood the purpose of holding hands. What was the reason for it? However, as he walked alongside Phil with their fingers laced together, he finally understood. People didn’t hold hands because it was a couple-thing to do, and people didn’t hold hands to show that the person was theirs. People held hands as a way of saying, “Please don’t let go.”

Dan opened the back door and let Phil walk ahead of him and inside. He followed after Phil, closing the door behind him. When he and Phil went into the dining room, everyone was there accept for Mr. Howell.

“Not that I’m complaining…but where’s dad?” asked Dan. It was unusual for his father to not attend dinner.

Mrs. Howell sighed. “Well, he’s busy tonight, which is a good thing. I need to talk to all of you about where we’re going. And,” she paused, “you deserve to know what happened to you in Tuarium. We recently received security footage from the labs, and we saw what happened.” She turned to Dan. “I’m so sorry sweetie…”

Because of the hit to head, Dan remembered all of the simulations that he was put through. It was then that he realized that most likely his parents had seen the simulations as well. His cheeks brightened from the realization. “Um, so what exactly was he trying to do to me?”

“He was trying to see the best way to make you a weapon. That’s…that’s part of why so many people are taken when they can’t pay their debt,” replied Mrs. Howell. Everyone looked at her in shock. “I know… We designed the system so that we’d have enough people to serve us here in the Community and enough people to send to Tuarium. In the recent years, our labs have been conducting experiments to turn people into weapons. Our scientists have been trying to take fear and turn it into rage.”

“Once fear could be turned into rage, they were going to attempt to cause people to see their fears in simulations, but in real time. By causing people to attack what they were seeing in their minds instead of what was on the battlefield, they were trying to create vicious soldiers that wouldn’t cower away from the war. However, they only did this to the strongest people that they received.”

“How would they be able to tell?” asked Katrina. “Everyone in the country is starving for the most part.”

“Whenever a citizen is taken from their home, they’re first brought to the lab in Tuarium. There, they are tested. Several tests are performed to see how fast their muscle mass grows, their mental stability, and other things as such. The strongest people are kept there; the weaker ones are brought to the Community, and they are unable to remember what happened to them in the labs.”

Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “That explains how after 60 years of taking people we only have a handful of servants.”

Mrs. Howell nodded her head, “Yes, that’s why. Almost everyone is on the battlefield at this point, so they haven’t had as many people to experiment on…”

“Which explains why the tests on Dan failed,” commented Alex.

Dan nervously bit his lower lip. “What they did to me, it’s nothing permanent. My head is okay now, isn’t it?”

“I hope so…” whispered Mrs. Howell. She felt horrid. She couldn’t believe that their military would go so far and betray them. “Unfortunately, General Averill got away. We don’t know where he is. We’ve brought his second in command in for questioning, but he’s not talking. We have no idea who we can trust at this point.”

“Well that’s not good,” said Dan urgently. “How the hell are we going to know we’re safe when we leave?”

“It’s either we stay here and die, or we go to our safe house and pray,” replied Mrs. Howell bitterly. Everyone was silent after that. No one really had anything to add that would be worth saying. Dan began tugging at his sleeves under the table, a nervous habit that was going to be going on through all of dinner most likely. He was scared to leave before; now he was terrified.

***

Dan and Phil lay in Dan’s bed. The moon was casting light into the room, so they could see each other’s faces despite the surrounding darkness. They lay next to each other in silence. Phil was lightly tracing his finger along Dan’s palm, just wanting to touch his skin. Dan’s eyes were hooded and occasionally blinking, the gentle touch lulling him to sleep. He didn’t want to sleep. Sleeping would mean bringing another day that much sooner.

Phil continued running his finger along Dan’s palm, but he was doing it a certain way. Part of him wanted Dan to notice, another part of him didn’t. Very slowly, he was tracing letters. I, L, O, V, E, Y, O, and U. He shifted his eyes up to look at Dan. Dan was lazily looking at him, clearly trying very hard to stay awake.

“Dan, go to sleep,” whispered Phil as he began tracing the letters again. Dan shook his head in response but remained silent. Phil huffed; he knew he wasn’t going to win the argument. He started thinking. In all honestly, he still had no idea what he had done to make Dan fall for him. What had happened? “Dan?” Dan made an “hm?” sound as his eyes flew back open. Phil chuckled, “Um. I have to ask you. What…what did I do?”

“What do you mean?” asked Dan.

“I…” Phil caught himself as he traced the “I” on Dan’s hand. It was then that Dan realized there was a pattern to Phil’s touches. He was paying attention to what Phil was saying, but he also tried to find the pattern. Phil tried to think of how to phrase his question. “Well, I mean, what did I do to make you choose me? Why did you decide to take me with you? I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it wasn’t pity. Er, maybe it was at first? I don’t know; I’m just curious. If someone had told me that I was going to run away with the prince and fall-low…follow him across the country, I would have sent them to a mental hospital.”

Dan sighed, “I wish I had an answer for you. Truthfully, I couldn’t put into words what made me do it. I just, I walked into my room and there you were. You were fixing my bed sheets of all things, but,” he paused. He realized that Phil was tracing letters. He could have sworn that he felt an O and an E at some point. “There was something about you. There was something about your hands,” he watched Phil’s hand move, trying to figure out the letters. However, his gaze shifted up, and he met with Phil’s eyes, allowing the desert to meet the sea. “There was something about your eyes, your voice when you said hello. You. Something about _you_ stood out to me in a way that no one ever had before. It was as if a voice said…no, _screamed_ at me, ‘Don’t turn away. He’s important.’ And before I knew it I…”

“What?” whispered Phil. That’s when Dan felt the “I” traced on his palm. He waited, and he realized that next was “L”, then “O”.

“I…” he felt “V” being drawn. “E” followed. “I just…” Y…O…U… Dan stopped what he was saying. He moved forward and kissed Phil, taking the older man’s hand and intertwining their fingers together. He knew exactly why he had chosen Phil, but he couldn’t bear to say it out loud. For some reason, it felt equally as scary as it did dangerous. Admitting the deep, rich connection he felt was too much right now. He broke the kiss just enough to speak. “I realized I needed you. I don’t know how I’ve managed the past 21 years without you in my life. The second I met you everything changed. My whole life was turned around. I ran away from home, I was almost killed a car wreck, and I became a fugitive. And…I wouldn’t change any of it.”

Phil took his hand away from Dan’s so that he could gingerly touch Dan’s face. “When I was taken from my home, for years all I could wonder was ‘why?’ Why did it have to happen to me? Why did my mother have to watch me get dragged away? Now I see why. It was so I could find you. If I had to live my life never meeting you… It would be a life that I wouldn’t have lived for very long.”

“Phil…” whispered Dan saddened. He didn’t want to hear the idea of Phil leaving this world by his own hand, but he understood. If he hadn’t have met Phil, he would have done the same thing. “Stay with me.”

Phil smiled softly. “I’ll always stay with you…” he whispered. Putting his arm around Dan, he brought the prince to him so they could lay together a little closer. Dan rested his head on Phil’s chest, treasuring the heartbeat that was playing in his ear. He had never known how precious a heartbeat could truly be. Carefully, he guided Phil’s hand to rest on his stomach, palm facing up. He then began to run his finger along Phil’s skin. Phil recognized what Dan was doing immediately. He curled up to Dan as closely as possible, drifting to sleep as a familiar set of letters was being traced onto his hand.

***

Despite everyone’s dread, the day to leave eventually came. Everyone was only able to pack a few bags worth of things, which wasn’t a problem for Phil. He only had a few articles of clothing, so Dan gave him a lot of his comfortable clothes that would fit. Dan was wearing a blank, long sleeve sweater that had a few vertical patches where the fabric was slightly parted, allowing his skin to be seen very slightly. His pants were black skinny jeans. Phil was wearing some of Dan’s clothes, so he had on a dark grey sweater and black skinny jeans. It felt strange to him, wearing clothes that were completely intact.

Slowly but surely, everyone’s belongings were loaded into one of the cars. Everyone would be taking separate vehicles in groups. Mr. Howell wasn’t exactly enthusiastic that Phil was coming with his family in their car, but he said nothing. He knew that Dan wouldn’t stand for it any other way, and due to all the stress, he didn’t feel like arguing. Getting all the cars safely across the country was going to be hard enough. He prayed their shields would work.

The Howells and Phil stepped into the car and closed and locked the doors. It was going to be a few minutes, but they wanted to get situated. Mr. Howell had chosen to drive, so Mrs. Howell sat up front to keep him company.

“Daniel, you’re not to put this up,” said Mrs. Howell as she tapped the solid black barrier that Dan could roll up to block sights and sounds. Dan’s face turned bright red.

“Mum,” he bitterly said through his teeth, practically screaming at his mother to stop.

“Part of me being supportive is treating the situation just like I would if Phil was a girl,” replied Mrs. Howell in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

“Alright, mum!” Dan raised his voice, wishing she would stop embarrassing him. He knew she was doing it on purpose. Mrs. Howell smiled and turned away, completely unaffected by blatantly embarrassing her son.

Dan reluctantly took out his cell phone and began typing on the notepad app to talk to Phil. Phil took it from Dan once Dan was done typing. He typed his response and then gave the phone back. The two continued communicating this way for at least an hour.

“Just let them put the damn screen up,” said Mr. Howell with an eye roll. “Once we get there they’re going to have to pretend they hardly know each other.”

“Thank god!” Dan practically lunged forward to click the button to put the screen up. Once the screen was in place, he locked it. He turned around to be instantly greeted by Phil kissing him passionately, already exploring his mouth and pushing him down to lie on the backseat of the car. In that moment, he couldn’t have been grateful that the screen was soundproof. It meant he could be as loud as he wanted, or at least, as loud as Phil made him.

Phil slipped his hand up Dan’s shirt and let his fingers splay, gently caressing the skin. Dan arched his back slightly, as if trying to get as much of Phil’s touch as possible. Phil moved his mouth to Dan’s neck, which caused Dan to start making sounds. He thrust his hips up to meet Phil’s, whom reciprocated by reaching down and palming Dan through his jeans. In any other situation, he would have asked Dan if he was comfortable taking some clothes off, but the last thing they needed was to be half naked when the car stopped.

Dan moaned loudly, moving in sync with Phil, trying to get as much friction as possible. He moved his hands up Phil’s shirt, clutching at Phil’s back like so many times before. He raked his nails up and down Phil’s back, knowing he was probably going to leave red marks. Feeling Phil nip at his neck and suck the skin gently was causing him to squirm. It was as if he couldn’t control his body at all, but he was okay with that. His breathing became heavy, and his grip tightened severely. Suddenly, he felt familiar warmth pooling in his stomach. His eyes flew open in panic. “Stop!”

Phil’s actions came to a halt immediately. “What? What’s wrong?” he asked extremely concerned.

Dan’s entire face lit up. He brought his hands to his face, trying to hide. “Um…I was about to…uh...” He practically shrank. If he thought he was embarrassed before…please. He heard Phil giggle, and he shrank even more. “It’s not funny! I can’t exactly arrive to wherever we’re going with jizz in my pants!”

“No, no, I’m laughing because I’m relieved,” replied Phil, calming down from his giggles. “I was really scared that I overstepped a boundary.”

“I don’t think you could overstep a boundary at this point,” commented Dan with a small smile. Phil shrugged in response, letting out a small laugh. Dan nibbled his bottom lip. “Perhaps stay off of my neck?” He chuckled.

Phil sighed, “If I _have_ to.”

Dan smiled widely. It had been a while since he felt he could just smile without someone asking why or acting curious. He could just smile as big as he wanted. He pecked Phil’s lips before resting his head on the seat. “I’m going to miss this. I’m pretty sure I overheard my father saying that I’m going to have to call you my cousin.”

“Why is it always the cousin? Every time you don’t know what to call someone, or you can’t say who they are it’s ‘Oh. They’re my cousin.’ I don’t get it.”

“Well we can’t say you’re my brother,” observed Dan.

“True. Plus, talk about awkward family meetings.”

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh god. Oh god!” he laughed through the terrible thought. “No, let’s not even think about that.”

“Agreed,” stated Phil. Dan gently kissed him again.

“Let’s just enjoy the time we have right now,” he said. Phil nodded in agreement. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Dan’s, but this time he took it slow. They went through each motion carefully, savoring each moment. They knew that when they arrived to the mystery safe house, there would be no guarantee that they would be able to hold each other the same way again.

Night fell, but the cars didn’t stop. Apparently they were almost there. Dan had brought down the screen long enough to ask where they were headed, pointing out that he might as well know by now. Mrs. Howell informed him that they were going to a place that was located where Aviemore used to be, in a place that was once called Scotland. Dan had no idea where it was, so he just thanked his mum for the information and put the screen back up.

Dan and Phil talked for a while about various things. They tried to keep their topics lighthearted, but eventually they came around to discussing the information that they had received about how the military was run. Neither of them could believe how many people were tested on and sent to war. It was truly terrible.

“I just can’t believe that’s why so many people are taken,” said Dan.

“I know. And I can’t believe what they go through just to see if they’re worthy of war. To think everyone goes through that and we don’t even remember,” replied Phil. He gasped suddenly, causing Dan to jerk in his seat.

“What? What is it?”

Phil looked up at Dan, trying to calm down enough to speak clear words. “D-Dan! Everyone that was taken is either being prepared for war, at war, or was in the Community! Right?”

“Yes, why? What are you thinking?” Dan was incredibly confused. He had no idea what Phil was rambling about. Then, it made sense. He saw the hope in Phil’s eyes, and it all pieced together. “That means…”

“Martyn,” said Phil. “Martyn might still be alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it folks! As you can guess, yes, there will be a sequel someday. Maybe for next years PBB. Thank you for reading this fanfic-novel! It was a crazy adventure to write! On a final note: I have created a playlist of songs that inspired this fic. Each song corresponds with the chapters in numerical order. Enjoy ;) 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB_6Fi4IK8yDyfL8FUhjUCBDyVb39GujG
> 
> I'll see you guys soon! Thanks, bye! :D


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